THE NEW LATINA

A New Era

2012-02-01T14:35:00.000-06:00

Dear friends:

A new era has come, figuratively and literally. The information era is here and with it, many different forms of communicating and staying in touch. Now, easier than ever, people can express themselves through the virtual space in which distances are shortened and time is redefined. In that space, almost all of us are.

I have a Facebook account. In it, most of my friends share my space and my time. I recently updated my LinkedIn profile, and I am beginning a blog in Voxxi, a new multimedia magazine for acculturated Latinos. The new year has started busy and promising. Visit me in my new spaces: www.voxxi.com, Facebook, and LinkedIn. I am sure I will add a Twitter account one of these days as well...if I have time!

Lets convene in the virtual space that allows us to stay close and develop our dialogues even further. I will still visit Blogger from time to time but my work at DoctorWrite (www.wix.com/DoctorWrite/DoctorWrite) and my other social websites keep me quite busy. To see my latest published book, visit http://www.blurb.com/bookstore/detail/2732710 and see my poetry book, DESNUDA (in Spanish). Lets stay in touch!

ACEPTACION

2011-04-04T12:02:00.000-05:00

Aceptación ha sido un tema retante para mí en los últimos tiempos. Me he dado cuenta de que una de las barreras más grandes del ser humano en su evolución personal, profesional, espiritual, emocional, es la aceptación. Sabemos que lo único que tenemos certero en la vida es el cambio. La vida es dinámica y la única constante de la vida es el cambio. Lo sabemos. Lo vemos en nuestros cuerpos a diario. Lo vemos en el mundo cómo diariamente enfrenta nuevos eventos. Lo vemos en nuestros hijos cómo crecen y evolucionan ante nuestros ojos todos los días. Lo vemos en el clima que varía de nublado a soleado, de frío a caluroso. Lo vemos en las estaciones del año cómo van de invierno a primavera a verano a otoño. Lo vemos cómo la vida comienza y termina para muchos, en un mismo día. Lo vemos en el día que no permanece día y se hace noche y día, todos los días. Lo vemos en todo. Sin embargo, a pesar de que nos enfrentamos al cambio a diario, no lo aceptamos. Si llueve nos quejamos porque queríamos un día soleado, a pesar de saber que la lluvia es esencial para la vida y que nos traerá grandes beneficios aun con las contrariedades que pueda provocar. Si hace frío añoramos los días de más calor, a pesar de que el frío mantiene en balance al ecosistema y necesitamos ese balance. Queremos un cambio, de ambiente, de estatus social y económico, de estatus marital, pero al enfrentarnos a la decisión de adoptar ese cambio flaqueamos y nos invade el temor. Ponemos resistencia al cambio, lo cual no hace mucho sentido porque crecemos y vivimos sabiendo que el cambio es inevitable y necesario. Pero aceptarlo es un paso fuerte para muchos.

La aceptación conlleva cambiar nuestros paradigmas con respecto a lo que nos rodea y a nuestro comportamiento. Aceptar que tenemos que cambiar es tarea difícil. Aceptar las consecuencias inmediatas del cambio es arduo porque muchas veces implica incomodidad, sufrimiento, dolor, aun cuando sabemos que ese cambio revelará cosas mucho mejores en el futuro y nos traerá las cosas que queremos al final de cuentas. Si queremos un cambio en nuestro estatus financiero y una mudanza de domicilio es lo que tenemos que hacer para lograrlo, aceptar que esa es la opción más productiva para alcanzar nuestras metas y aceptar vivir con el escozor temporal de la decisión de cambiar muchas veces previene y/u obstaculiza ese cambio. Aceptar que ya no tenemos cierta edad y que la vejez es inminente e imparable, que una relación no funciona en su constitución actual, la muerte aunque certera, y hasta los cambios que traerán beneficios positivos a nuestra vida es tarea difícil. Aceptar es el reto más grande de cambiar. Pero la falta de aceptación solo trae resistencia negativa a un cambio que es necesario o inminente. Y esa falta de aceptación nos trae amargura, estrés, soledad, tristeza, ansiedad; sentimientos los cuales los alimentamos con el temor para dejarlos vivos por tiempo ilimitado.

Durante mi corta experiencia en la vida me he dado cuenta de que el cambio, no solo es constante, sino también necesario y enriquecedor. También durante mis experiencias me he dado cuenta de que el cambio trae consigo un periodo de caos total que no se siente muy bien. Sin embargo, luego de ese caos la vida se desenvuelve revelando el resultado de ese cambio y al final de cuentas siempre es positivo. No aceptar el cambio lo resiste, lo tensa, lo estrecha a su límite. Aceptarlo es asumir la responsabilidad del cambio, ser el líder de ese cambio y manejarlo con nosotros al timón. A pesar de que la aceptación no previene muchos de los malestares del cambio, la aceptación nos pone en control del cambio y nos da la visión de que somos los que decidimos el cambio y/o cómo vivirlo. Muchos cambios son inevitables y están fuera de nuestro alcance y control. Sin embargo, nuestra respuesta a esos cambios, nuestro proceso a través de ellos y el resultado que obtenemos está en nuestro poder decidirlos. Aceptar o no el cambio es nuestra potestad. Cómo lo vivimos es nuestra prerrogativa.

Estudiar es la llave a una mejor vida

2011-04-02T17:32:00.001-05:00

Red de Mujeres Hispanas de Texas brinda becas en su reunión anual

Por Jay Torres

Especial La Estrella Digital

FORT WORTH — En medio de gritos y lágrimas de felicidad, sorprendidas estudiantes recibían las becas que la Red de Mujeres Hispanas de Texas otorgó a manera de premiación en esta ciudad.

La asociación femenina brindó el sábado 26 de marzo más de 300,000 dólares en becas durante su evento anual.

El apoyo a jóvenes estudiantes es una de las principales misiones de esta organización estatal fundada en 1987.

Con un banquete, la sucursal de Fort Worth de la organización conocida por sus siglas en inglés de HWNT, culminó su creciente programa anual Latinas en Progreso con el cual impulsan a mujeres estudiantes de preparatoria a continuar con estudios universitarios.

El valor de este año superó con $50,000 dólares la cifra total de las becas distribuidas el año pasado y líderes de la organización esperan que la cantidad continúe creciendo mientras más familias, universidades y empresas se unan al programa.

Érika Alonso, alumna de la preparatoria Trimble Technical, fue una de las 20 estudiantes del área en recibir la sorpresa al ser nombrada como una de las honradas con becas cuyo valor oscila entre $500 y $40,000.

Alonso recibió la beca de más valor este año ($40,000) la cual fue patrocinada por la Texas Christian University (TCU) y cubre el costo total de su colegiatura durante cuatro años, para su carrera de Enfermería.

Además de TCU, otras universidades del área, como la University of Texas at Arlington (UTA), University of North Texas (UNT) y Texas Woman’s University (TWU), apoyan el programa.

“Sólo tendré que pagar libros y el transporte a la universidad” dijo Alonso.

Excelentes calificaciones escolares, buen comportamiento, un manuscrito y trabajo voluntario son requisitos necesarios para participar en el programa, explican las organizadoras del programa.

Pero el trayecto al éxito no tiene que ser navegado sólo por la estudiante, explica Eva Bonilla, presidenta del comité estatal sobre educación.

Una vez seleccionada, a la estudiante se le asigna una “madrina”, la cual funge como mentora para “navegar” con ella por la carrera académica.

“Sabemos que si educamos a una latina, ella no sólo podrá apoyar a su familia sino también ayudará a toda la comunidad”, dice Bonilla.

La historia de Bonilla y su familia, quienes por años han participado en el programa como patrocinadores y también como quienes reciben los beneficios, es emotiva.

Bonilla obtuvo su diploma universitario de administración de empresas a la edad de 57 años.

Dos de sus tres hijas ya se graduaron y la tercera continuará en la universalidad.

“Para mí la opción de ir a la universidad no estaba disponible”, dice Catarina Bonilla, hija de Eva.

Catarina es una enfermera graduada en el 2005 de la TCU.

Con el programa Latinas en Progreso esperan derribar barreras que evitan que muchas latinas continúen con sus estudios.

“Algunas veces son barreras culturales”, dice Jennifer Treviño, subdirectora de administración de UNT Health Science Center de Fort Worth.

Treviño ayuda a los padres de hijos que por primera vez acuden a la universidad a navegar el sistema educativo.

La familia de Treviño coopera con tres becas de $1,500 cada una.

Otras barreras que con frecuencia enfrentan estudiantes latinas incluyen obstáculos económicos y estatus migratorio.

“Muchas veces los padres no les permiten ir a los hijos a la universidad porque no pueden pagar”, dice Christina Elbitar, presidenta de la HWNT de Fort Worth.

“Y aunque no tengan papeles pueden ir a la universidad”, agrega Eva Bonilla.

EL ORGULLO

2010-07-21T09:00:00.000-05:00

El orgullo es miedo a ser herido. El orgullo es miedo a que otro ser humano tome ventaja con o sin nuestro consentimiento. El orgullo es otra forma de miedo. Cuando una persona siente orgullo o actúa basada en su orgullo, no hace más si no protegerse del miedo de experimentar dolor al envolverse en esa situación o relación. Cuando te dicen “conserva tu orgullo” te están diciendo, protégete del dolor que te puede causar esa relación o esa persona. Recuerda, no hay nada si no el amor y el temor. Lo único que existe en el mundo es el amor y el temor. El amor no da cabida al temor, por ende, el amor no da cabida al orgullo. El amor evoluciona. El orgullo impide la evolución del amor. El amor libera. El orgullo ata a los prejuicios-ideas preconcebidas sobre algo y bajo las cuales actuamos y tomamos decisiones, aun cuando estas ideas sean infundadas, inservibles u obsoletas. Inclusive también cuando estas ideas no contribuyan a nuestro crecimiento.

El orgullo es un escudo para guardarse del dolor, del defraude, de la decepción, de la angustia, de la desilusión, de lo desconocido. Pero también es una barrera que impide mostrar, recibir y experimentar el amor a manos llenas, con plenitud. El orgullo es una falsa ilusión de seguridad y de protección. Es un rasgo humano aprendido, a través del modelaje de otros y a través de las experiencias dolorosas (las cuales también son aprendidas). El espíritu no tiene, no siente orgullo. No actúa con soberbia ni con juegos al escondite. No se resguarda de nada, porque el espíritu es lo que es, y vive en el mundo de lo absoluto. El orgullo es el bloqueo de la condición humana hacia experimentar el absoluto en su máxima expresión a través de la condición física. Deshacerse del orgullo es deshacerse del miedo. Deshacerse del miedo es amar sin límite. El ejemplo del amor por los hijos es el amor más puro que pueda experimentar el ser humano en su condición física en este plano. A pesar de que existe el orgullo en la relación con los hijos (porque lo experimentamos en nuestra capacidad humana, inevitablemente), este orgullo se sobrepasa más rápido y más voluntariamente. Con los amigos se expresa el amor de manera más plena de igual forma. Sin embargo, las relaciones de pareja se prestan mucho para juegos de orgullo. Las parejas que experimentan un nivel de amor más pleno y equilibrado, saben que dejar a un lado el orgullo es fundamental para el funcionamiento y la durabilidad de la relación. Los niños, en su relación con sus padres, no sienten orgullo. Un niño puede ser regañado o castigado por algo, e inmediatamente después de levantado el castigo puede venir a abrazar y besar a sus padres como si nada hubiese pasado. Esto ocurre porque aún no están condicionados para el orgullo. El orgullo es aprendido. No es parte de la condición natural del ser. Por eso decía Jesús que hay que ser como niños para entrar al reino de los cielos. Amar como aman los niños es amar sin condición y con completo abandono. Amar como niño es la clave para amar a todos y la llave hacia la felicidad plena y el reino de lo eterno.

Hay relaciones que vienen a nuestra vida con un propósito, previamente establecido, y cuando se completa ese propósito, esas relaciones parecen terminar. Terminan en su forma física, no obstante la conexión espiritual continua para siempre porque nunca se va. Todos somos parte de un todo. Todos somos uno. Todos surgimos de la misma fuente. Somos indivisibles. Como parte del juego, decidimos qué papel jugará cada persona en nuestra vida. Elegimos las condiciones antes de llegar. Tú puedes recordar quién eres, aun cuando la otra persona no puede. Decide siempre recordar quién eres y recordar quiénes son las otras personas, más allá de lo físico. La sabiduría te hará libre y feliz.

EDUCATION BUILDS A FUTURE

2010-07-06T15:28:00.000-05:00

EDUCATION BUILDS A FUTURE

Latinas everywhere face strong obstacles to their personal and professional development; that is well-known. Many of us have made strides and overcome obstacles and adversity in order to reach success; however, the vast majority of Latinas still encounter invisible, but solid barriers to build better lives for themselves, and the external forces that create those barriers are still latent, potent, and evident. Education is undoubtedly the best tool for Latinas to continue a significant and constant path to a better life.

Education is indeed an elixir that begins to heal many social plagues. Our culture, in spite of its goodness, imposes limiting barriers for women. Some of the obstacles Latinas face to further their education are: 1) limited education in the household; 2) marrying at an early age; 4) teen pregnancies; 4) having a family and aiding with extended family which leads to premature adulthood; 5) high school graduation rate for Latinas is lower than for any other ethnic group; 6) Latinas are less prepared and less likely to take college entrance examination exams than any other ethnic group; 7) Latinas are under-enrolled in gifted and talented education programs in schools, more than any other ethnic group; 8) Latinas are the least likely of any women to complete a bachelor’s degree; 9) isolation, racism, stereotyping, and prejudice in schools, colleges, and universities; 10) depression and mental health issues that leads Latinas to attempt suicide more than young women and women of any other ethnic group; 11) lack of financial resources to go to college; and 12) limited access to information on educational options, programs, and financial aid to go to college.

Why are Latinas so plagued with these problems? Latinas are raised in traditional homes that enforce them to conform to traditional expectations for females. There are low expectations from families when it comes to Latinas and their education. These low expectations come from their families, school teachers, and faculty in college. Because of the strict traditional roles and unquestioned respect to authority, Latinas lack networking skills to reach out. The Hispanic culture puts family obligations and responsibilities in higher regard with respect to education, and families impose these obligations and responsibilities on its women. Even when Latinas work outside the household and/or study, they are expected to come home and fulfill the vast majority of household chores and family duties. Another obstacle Latinas face when trying to pursue their education is the fact that they lack the support and understanding from family members in the household or their spouses when these women are trying to fulfill their school/college workload. The lack of role models, and lack of encouraging messages to stay in school and pursue higher education from key persons in these young women’s lives (parents, spouses, teachers, etc), instill in the psyches of Latinas a defeating attitude toward education. Another big issue is that Latinas may not understand the enhanced long-term benefits of education, and short term economic needs of the family, along with the instant gratification of a paycheck, may mirage to Latinas a false sense of stability and well-being.

How do we cure this plague? We must all become the voice that speaks to Latinas, loud and clear, about the benefits of pursuing an education. We must reach out to them and help them build a future. We are all responsible for the future of women in our culture, in our society and in our world. For those of us who have walked the walk and have overcome the obstacles of our culture, society, and to our education, helped by other comadres and hermanas, we must pay it forward. With our encouragement, example, and determination, we can make a difference in a young Latina’s life. Education builds a future!

CULTURA DEL SLOW DOWN

2010-05-16T21:45:00.000-05:00

Este artículo me lo envió mi queridísima amiga Waleska Irizarry en el 2006. Me ha tomado tres años y medio leerlo en su totalidad, no porque lea tan lento, ni siquiera porque he aplicado lo que dice el artículo, sino porque mi “falta de tiempo” me había impedido leerlo hasta el final. Si estás en un apuro, te recomiendo que detengas tu tiempo y lo leas. Valdrá la pena. No puedo darle el crédito correcto a la persona quien lo escribió, pues carezco de esa información. Le doy su debido crédito al autor públicamente e invito a la reflexión a través de esta lectura tan profunda.

CULTURA DEL SLOW DOWN

Ya tengo 18 años desde que ingresé a la Volvo, una empresa Sueca. Trabajar con ellos es una convivencia muy interesante. Cualquier proyecto aquí demora dos años para concretarse, aunque la idea sea brillante y simple. Es una regla.

Los procesos globalizados causan en nosotros (brasileños, argentinos, peruanos, chilenos, venezolanos, colombianos, mexicanos, caribeños, australianos, asiáticos, etc.) una ansiedad generalizada en la búsqueda de resultados inmediatos. En consecuencia, nuestro sentido de la urgencia no surte efecto dentro de los plazos lentos de los suecos. Los suecos debaten, debaten, realizan "n" reuniones, ponderaciones, etc. ¡Y trabajan! con un esquema más bien "slow down". Lo mejor es constatar que, al final, esto acaba siempre dando resultados en el tiempo de ellos (los suecos) ya que conjugando la madurez de la necesidad con la tecnología apropiada, es muy poco lo que se pierde por aquí en Suecia.

Lo resumo así:

1. Suecia es del tamaño del estado de Sao Paulo (Brasil).

2. Suecia tiene tan sólo dos millones de habitantes.

3. La ciudad más grande, Estocolmo, tiene apenas 500.000 habitantes

4. Empresas de capital sueco: Volvo, Scania, Ericsson,Electrolux, ABB, Nokia, Nobel.

Nada mal, ¿no? Para tener una idea de la importancia de ellas basta mencionar que Volvo es la que fabrica los motores propulsores para los cohetes de la NASA. Los suecos pueden estar equivocados, pero son ellos quienes pagan mi salario. Por ahora, menciono especialmente que no conozco un pueblo, como pueblo mismo, que posea más cultura colectiva que los suecos.

Voy a contarles una historia corta, sólo para darles una idea:
La primera vez que fui para Suecia, en 1990, uno de mis colegas suecos me recogía del hotel todas las mañanas. Estábamos en el mes de septiembre, algo de frío y nevisca. Llegábamos temprano a la Volvo y él estacionaba el auto muy lejos de la puerta de entrada (son 2000 empleados que van en coche a la empresa). El primer día no hice comentario alguno, tampoco el segundo, o el tercero. En los días siguientes, ya con un poco más de confianza, una mañana le pregunté a mi colega: "¿Tienen ustedes lugar fijo para estacionar aquí? pues noté que llegamos temprano, con el estacionamiento vacío y dejaste el coche al final de todo...". Y él me respondió simplemente: "Es que como llegamos temprano tenemos tiempo para caminar, y quien llega más tarde, ya va a llegar retrasado y es mejor que encuentre lugar más cerca de la entrada a la empresa. ¿No te parece?"

Imaginen la cara que puse. Y con ella fue suficiente para que yo revisara en profundidad todos mis conceptos anteriores. En la actualidad, hay un gran movimiento en Europa llamado "Slow Food". La Slow Food International Association, cuyo símbolo es un caracol, tiene su central en Italia (un espacio en la Internet que es muy interesante, visítalo). Lo que el movimiento Slow Food predica es que las personas deben comer y beber lentamente, dándose tiempo para saborear los alimentos, disfrutando de la preparación, en convivencia con la familia, con los amigos, sin prisa y con calidad. La idea es contraponerse al ánimo del Fast Food y lo que éste representa como estilo de vida. La sorpresa, por tanto, es que ese movimiento de Slow Food está sirviendo de base para un movimiento más amplio llamado "Slow Europe" como resaltó la revista Business Week en una de sus últimas ediciones europeas.

La base de todo está en el cuestionamiento de la prisa" y de la "locura" (generada por la globalización, por el deseo de "tener en cantidad" nivel de vida) en contraposición al de "tener en CALIDAD", "Calidad de Vida" o "Calidad del Ser". Según la Business Week, los operarios franceses, aunque trabajen menos horas (35 horas por semana) son más productivos que sus colegas estadounidenses o británicos. Y los alemanes, que en muchas empresas ya implantaron la semana de 28,8 horas de trabajo, vieron su productividad aumentar en un elogiable 20%. Esa llamada "slow attitude" está llamando la atención hasta de los estadounidenses, discípulos del "fast" (rápido) y del "does it now!" (¡Hágalo ya, apúrese!).

Por tanto, esa "actitud sin prisa" no significa hacer menos ni tener menor productividad. Significa sí, trabajar y hacer las cosas con "más calidad" y "más productividad", con mayor perfección, con atención a los detalles y con menos estrés. Significa retomar los valores de la familia, de los amigos, del tiempo libre, del placer del buen ocio o el ocio constructivo, y de la vida, en las pequeñas comunidades. Del "aquí" presente y concreto, en contraposición contra lo "mundial o global" indefinido y anónimo. Significa retomar los valores esenciales del ser humano, de los pequeños placeres de lo cotidiano, de la simplicidad de vivir y convivir, y hasta de la religión y de la fe. Significa un ambiente de trabajo menos coercitivo, más alegre, más leve y por lo tanto, más productivo, donde los seres humanos realizan, con placer, lo que mejor sabe hacer o dedicación de aprender lo que no sabe.

Es saludable pensar detenidamente en todo esto. ¿Será posible que los antiguos refranes: "Paso a paso se va lejos" y "La prisa es enemiga de la perfección", "Vísteme despacio que voy de prisa" merezcan nuevamente nuestra atención en estos tiempos de locura desenfrenada? Que no sabemos para dónde vamos. ¿Acaso no sería útil que las empresas de nuestra comunidad, ciudad, estado o país, empiecen ya a pensar en desarrollar programas serios de "calidad sin prisa" hasta para aumentar la productividad y calidad de los productos y servicios sin necesariamente perder "Calidad del Ser"?

En la película "Perfume de Mujer" hay una escena inolvidable en la que el ciego (interpretado por Al Pacino) invita a una muchacha a bailar y ella responde: "No puedo, pues mi novio va a llegar en pocos minutos". A lo que el ciego responde: "Pero es que en un momento, se vive una vida", y la saca a bailar un tango. El mejor momento de la película es esta escena de sólo dos o tres minutos.

Muchos viven corriendo detrás del tiempo, pero sólo lo alcanzan cuando mueren, ya sea de un infarto o un accidente en la autopista por correr para llegar a tiempo, o para otros que están tan ansiosos por vivir el futuro que se olvidan de vivir el presente, que es el único tiempo que realmente existe. Todos en el mundo tenemos tiempo por igual, pues nadie tiene ni más ni menos de 24 horas por día. La diferencia está en el empleo que cada uno hace de su tiempo. Necesitamos saber aprovechar cada momento, porque, como dijo John Lennon, "La vida es aquello que sucede mientras planeamos el futuro".

Falta tiempo cuando falta el espíritu de vivir, es un asunto de prioridades, porque no hay un compromiso consigo mismo. Tres factores nos aniquilan: cuando evitamos el riesgo, eludimos la responsabilidad y oponernos a los cambios. Como no tomamos tiempo para nosotros, no podemos dirigir nuestras propias vidas, ni menos la de nuestra familia o nuestros hijos, entonces nos empeñamos en dirigir una ciudad, un estado o una nación.

Felicitaciones por haber conseguido leer este mensaje hasta el final. Hay muchos que lo habrán dejado por la mitad para "no perder tiempo" tan valioso en este mundo globalizado, porque su "brainwash" es que el tiempo es dinero.

¡APRESÚRATE A VIVIR DESPACIO!

FIN

CULTURA DEL SLOW DOWN

2010-05-16T21:42:00.000-05:00

Este artículo me lo envió mi queridísima amiga Waleska Irizarry en el 2006. Me ha tomado tres años y medio leerlo en su totalidad, no porque lea tan lento, ni siquiera porque he aplicado lo que dice el artículo, sino porque mi “falta de tiempo” me había impedido leerlo hasta el final. Si estás en un apuro, te recomiendo que detengas tu tiempo y lo leas. Valdrá la pena. No puedo darle el crédito correcto a la persona quien lo escribió, pues carezco de esa información. Le doy su debido crédito al autor públicamente e invito a la reflexión a través de esta lectura tan profunda.

CULTURA DEL SLOW DOWN

Ya tengo 18 años desde que ingresé a la Volvo, una empresa Sueca. Trabajar con ellos es una convivencia muy interesante. Cualquier proyecto aquí demora dos años para concretarse, aunque la idea sea brillante y simple. Es una regla.

Los procesos globalizados causan en nosotros (brasileños, argentinos, peruanos, chilenos, venezolanos, colombianos, mexicanos, caribeños, australianos, asiáticos, etc.) una ansiedad generalizada en la búsqueda de resultados inmediatos. En consecuencia, nuestro sentido de la urgencia no surte efecto dentro de los plazos lentos de los suecos. Los suecos debaten, debaten, realizan "n" reuniones, ponderaciones, etc. ¡Y trabajan! con un esquema más bien "slow down". Lo mejor es constatar que, al final, esto acaba siempre dando resultados en el tiempo de ellos (los suecos) ya que conjugando la madurez de la necesidad con la tecnología apropiada, es muy poco lo que se pierde por aquí en Suecia.

Lo resumo así:

1. Suecia es del tamaño del estado de Sao Paulo (Brasil).

2. Suecia tiene tan sólo dos millones de habitantes.

3. La ciudad más grande, Estocolmo, tiene apenas 500.000 habitantes

4. Empresas de capital sueco: Volvo, Scania, Ericsson,Electrolux, ABB, Nokia, Nobel.

Nada mal, ¿no? Para tener una idea de la importancia de ellas basta mencionar que Volvo es la que fabrica los motores propulsores para los cohetes de la NASA. Los suecos pueden estar equivocados, pero son ellos quienes pagan mi salario. Por ahora, menciono especialmente que no conozco un pueblo, como pueblo mismo, que posea más cultura colectiva que los suecos.

Voy a contarles una historia corta, sólo para darles una idea:

La primera vez que fui para Suecia, en 1990, uno de mis colegas suecos me recogía del hotel todas las mañanas. Estábamos en el mes de septiembre, algo de frío y nevisca. Llegábamos temprano a la Volvo y él estacionaba el auto muy lejos de la puerta de entrada (son 2000 empleados que van en coche a la empresa). El primer día no hice comentario alguno, tampoco el segundo, o el tercero. En los días siguientes, ya con un poco más de confianza, una mañana le pregunté a mi colega: "¿Tienen ustedes lugar fijo para estacionar aquí? pues noté que llegamos temprano, con el estacionamiento vacío y dejaste el coche al final de todo...". Y él me respondió simplemente: "Es que como llegamos temprano tenemos tiempo para caminar, y quien llega más tarde, ya va a llegar retrasado y es mejor que encuentre lugar más cerca de la entrada a la empresa. ¿No te parece?"

Imaginen la cara que puse. Y con ella fue suficiente para que yo revisara en profundidad todos mis conceptos anteriores. En la actualidad, hay un gran movimiento en Europa llamado "Slow Food". La Slow Food International Association, cuyo símbolo es un caracol, tiene su central en Italia (un espacio en la Internet que es muy interesante, visítalo). Lo que el movimiento Slow Food predica es que las personas deben comer y beber lentamente, dándose tiempo para saborear los alimentos, disfrutando de la preparación, en convivencia con la familia, con los amigos, sin prisa y con calidad. La idea es contraponerse al ánimo del Fast Food y lo que éste representa como estilo de vida. La sorpresa, por tanto, es que ese movimiento de Slow Food está sirviendo de base para un movimiento más amplio llamado "Slow Europe" como resaltó la revista Business Week en una de sus últimas ediciones europeas.

La base de todo está en el cuestionamiento de la prisa" y de la "locura" (generada por la globalización, por el deseo de "tener en cantidad" nivel de vida) en contraposición al de "tener en CALIDAD", "Calidad de Vida" o "Calidad del Ser". Según la Business Week, los operarios franceses, aunque trabajen menos horas (35 horas por semana) son más productivos que sus colegas estadounidenses o británicos. Y los alemanes, que en muchas empresas ya implantaron la semana de 28,8 horas de trabajo, vieron su productividad aumentar en un elogiable 20%. Esa llamada "slow attitude" está llamando la atención hasta de los estadounidenses, discípulos del "fast" (rápido) y del "does it now!" (¡Hágalo ya, apúrese!).

Por tanto, esa "actitud sin prisa" no significa hacer menos ni tener menor productividad. Significa sí, trabajar y hacer las cosas con "más calidad" y "más productividad", con mayor perfección, con atención a los detalles y con menos estrés. Significa retomar los valores de la familia, de los amigos, del tiempo libre, del placer del buen ocio o el ocio constructivo, y de la vida, en las pequeñas comunidades. Del "aquí" presente y concreto, en contraposición contra lo "mundial o global" indefinido y anónimo. Significa retomar los valores esenciales del ser humano, de los pequeños placeres de lo cotidiano, de la simplicidad de vivir y convivir, y hasta de la religión y de la fe. Significa un ambiente de trabajo menos coercitivo, más alegre, más leve y por lo tanto, más productivo, donde los seres humanos realizan, con placer, lo que mejor sabe hacer o dedicación de aprender lo que no sabe.

Es saludable pensar detenidamente en todo esto. ¿Será posible que los antiguos refranes: "Paso a paso se va lejos" y "La prisa es enemiga de la perfección", "Vísteme despacio que voy de prisa" merezcan nuevamente nuestra atención en estos tiempos de locura desenfrenada? Que no sabemos para dónde vamos. ¿Acaso no sería útil que las empresas de nuestra comunidad, ciudad, estado o país, empiecen ya a pensar en desarrollar programas serios de "calidad sin prisa" hasta para aumentar la productividad y calidad de los productos y servicios sin necesariamente perder "Calidad del Ser"?

En la película "Perfume de Mujer" hay una escena inolvidable en la que el ciego (interpretado por Al Pacino) invita a una muchacha a bailar y ella responde: "No puedo, pues mi novio va a llegar en pocos minutos". A lo que el ciego responde: "Pero es que en un momento, se vive una vida", y la saca a bailar un tango. El mejor momento de la película es esta escena de sólo dos o tres minutos.

Muchos viven corriendo detrás del tiempo, pero sólo lo alcanzan cuando mueren, ya sea de un infarto o un accidente en la autopista por correr para llegar a tiempo, o para otros que están tan ansiosos por vivir el futuro que se olvidan de vivir el presente, que es el único tiempo que realmente existe. Todos en el mundo tenemos tiempo por igual, pues nadie tiene ni más ni menos de 24 horas por día. La diferencia está en el empleo que cada uno hace de su tiempo. Necesitamos saber aprovechar cada momento, porque, como dijo John Lennon, "La vida es aquello que sucede mientras planeamos el futuro".

Falta tiempo cuando falta el espíritu de vivir, es un asunto de prioridades, porque no hay un compromiso consigo mismo. Tres factores nos aniquilan: cuando evitamos el riesgo, eludimos la responsabilidad y oponernos a los cambios. Como no tomamos tiempo para nosotros, no podemos dirigir nuestras propias vidas, ni menos la de nuestra familia o nuestros hijos, entonces nos empeñamos en dirigir una ciudad, un estado o una nación.

Felicitaciones por haber conseguido leer este mensaje hasta el final. Hay muchos que lo habrán dejado por la mitad para "no perder tiempo" tan valioso en este mundo globalizado, porque su "brainwash" es que el tiempo es dinero.

¡APRESÚRATE A VIVIR DESPACIO!

FIN

EMPATIA HACIA LA INEMPATIA

2010-05-11T11:09:00.000-05:00

En tiempos recientes he estado pensando mucho en la empatía. Empatía es la capacidad de un ser humano para trascender su propia condición, sus propias limitaciones mentales, emocionales y experienciales, e implantarse en la situación de otro ser humano para verla, sentirla y entenderla desde la perspectiva del otro. Empatía es tener la capacidad de sentir lo que siente la otra persona, simplemente por establecer una conexión extrasensorial y conectarse con lo que la otra persona está viviendo. Es ver la vida o la situación específica a través de la mirada de la persona que la está experimentando y hacer nuestras, por unos instantes, las emociones producto de esa experiencia. Empatía es sentir sin experimentar en carne propia, ya sea por el recuerdo de una situación similar pasada o por la apertura mental, emocional y espiritual de una persona hacia otra que le permite pasar el umbral de la limitación física para unirse al sentimiento de otra y comprender su experiencia casi en su totalidad.

El diccionario de la Real Academia Española define empatía como “identificación mental y afectiva de una persona con el estado de ánimo de otra”. El ejemplo que ofrece el diccionario es “Es buen médico, pero no tiene empatía con sus pacientes”. Aquí vemos la dicotomía de la empatía: no es suficiente “serlo” (cualquiera que esto fuera); necesitamos sentirlo y que otros lo sientan con nosotros. El amor sin empatía se siente como una mesa con una pata más corta que las otras tres: cojea, se siente imperfecta, es difícil comer en ella y disfrutar de la comida, por más rica que esta sea, porque la mesa no es estable. El amor sin empatía se fragmenta. La biblia dice que el amor sin obra no es completo y la obra sin amor es vana. La empatía es una de las obras del amor y sin ella el amor no parece estar completo y no se puede experimentar en su totalidad porque el amor requiere de conexión total, lo cual incluye ser capaz de vivir en extensión y comunión con la persona amada. El amor, inevitablemente, produce empatía. Ante la falta de empatía; ¿puede sobrevivir el amor?

La empatía es un don de muchos seres humanos y la expectativa de muchos. En el mundo animal, muchos seres muestran características de empatía. Podemos decir entonces que la empatía es una capacidad de los seres animados del mundo natural.

Es muy fácil ser empático con la persona que lo es de manera natural con nosotros y con otros. Es fácil reciprocar bajo condiciones similares. Sin embargo, ¿qué pasa cuando otra persona no es empática hacia nosotros? ¿Podemos ser empáticos con la persona que no puede sentir empatía? ¿Podemos ejercer nuestra empatía hacia la falta de empatía de otra persona? ¿Podemos amar a la persona que no siente empatía por nosotros? Y mayor aún, ¿puede existir el amor sin empatía? Ese es el gran reto existencial que me ha invadido en los últimos tiempos de mi evolución espiritual y uno que no se me ha hecho fácil dominar.

Si una persona importante en nuestras vidas no ha desarrollado su capacidad de empatía y por lo tanto no puede otorgarla, y en un momento crucial en el cual esperamos y necesitamos de esa empatía como apoyo emocional no la recibimos, podemos ser empáticos con la “inempatía”? ¿Podemos permanecer en amor con la inempatía? Los más importantes textos espirituales y religiosos nos piden que demos amor aun a aquel que no nos lo da. Que perdonemos al que nos hace mal. Que hagamos bien sin mirar a quién. De acuerdo a esos principios, deberíamos ser empáticos con los “inempáticos”. Yo lo estoy intentando. Y si resulta habré ascendido un importante peldaño espiritual. Sin embargo, ese acto en este momento parece más difícil que tocar el cielo con las manos.

MOVING ON

2010-04-28T10:23:00.000-05:00

How long does it take for an individual to trespass his/her own limitations? How long can we hold on to old pains, heartaches, fears, frustrations, denials, and unhappiness? The truth is there is no formula for determining how long a human being can live with unpleasant feelings. It is all about personal preference. It is all about decision.

Our lives are based on an unlimited number of decisions we must make every second of our existence. For example, we get up at a certain time everyday. Some can argue most must get up at a certain time to comply with work obligations; however, the truth is every morning there is an element of decision involved in getting up at a certain time. We might feel we must get up to go to work, but in fact, we have the choice to get up and go to work. In most cases we are aware of the consequences of our decisions. For instance, not getting up in time to get to work at a certain hour might cause us a sanction. Of course, there are events in life we cannot predict that might force us to make choices we otherwise would not. For example, we get up in time to go to work, but we are faced with an accident on the road that makes us be late for work. The truth is we have no way of having been able to predict the accident on the road. We can only decide how to react to those unexpected events in life. As not everything in life is predictable or within our control, we can make a conscious decision about how to deal with, cope with, or face the uncontrollable. We can make decisions when faced with those life-changing events that come our way without warning. We can decide to stay optimistic, learn from our experiences, and move on quickly. We can decide to let life continue with our best face and attitude. Attitude is a decision. Happiness is a decision. The timing to cross the threshold between self pity and the determination to move forward is a decision for us to make.

I understand I have less time on earth than before. Everyday, every hour, every minute, every second of my existence is subtracted from the sum of all the time I do not know I have left to live. Therefore, I am making a decision to live happier and letting go of grudges in less time than before. With practice, I might never hold on to resentment and fear again, or at least, minimize their time within me. It will take practice and my decision to live happily, in spite of it all. I can be certain of one thing: at least I will be happier, longer.

NEW BEGINNINGS

2010-02-04T13:16:00.000-06:00

Our human nature prompts us to resist changes. Changes are the only constant we have in our lives, however, change is what we dread and fear most. Habits, behaviors, routines are all part of our daily systems and ways of living that become our second nature. We all need predictability in our lives. We all need systems under which we operate on a daily basis. However, we often do not realize that even when we always do the same things we can never do those things the same way. We are not the same today as we were yesterday. Our life circumstances may change slightly or drastically from one day to the next. Everyday we are different creatures, older, wiser, more experienced, more seasoned. Everyday our skin, hair, and brain change. Everyday we are a new person. Why, then, do we resist the less than obvious changes of life?

Life submerges us in a comfort zone. We get used to the familiarity of situations and we become accustomed to doing certain things. We create expectations in anticipation of results that derive from doing things a certain way each time. Life becomes predictable. When something challenges that predictability, an alarm goes off inside of us. Discomfort starts building up and all sorts of fears start arising. This happens even in uncomfortable situations in which we have become used to discomfort. The discomfort is known. Change is unknown, and therefore, a threat. When threatened, we tend to fight or to hide as a signal of resistance. Little matters if the change will unfold a better reality. Our human nature resists the new with passion.

Living through change is hard, especially those changes that have a great impact in our whole life system. Some changes call us to redefine our value system, our life system, our humanity. Those are the most difficult to endure, but also the most transforming. We change everyday but dramatic changes often times allow us to evolve if we keep an open mind and let our spirit transpire through.

I have been experiencing a lot of life changes these days. One day I was feeling particularly challenged by the unknown, I ran into a neighbor. As I shared my story with her, she told me she went through a similar situation and that life was good. “You will be good”, she assured me. I found comfort and hope in her words. Life has changed. And life is good, as she promised.

Change happens; is inevitable. Resisting it only makes us feel hopeless and with little control over the outcome. When we seize the opportunities that come with change, we are in a better position to make decisions that will have a significant impact on our evolution through and after change.

Gracias...pero solo hago lo que hay que hacer!

2009-11-21T14:38:00.002-06:00

http://www.telemundodallas.com/video/21427919/

FORGIVENESS AND LETTING GO

2009-11-17T10:32:00.002-06:00

My aunt Constance emailed me this morning. How pertinent! Hatred is a venom that we ingest, hoping and expecting it will harm someone else. The words "I will never forgive" mean "I will allow this event to eat me alive for the rest of my life".

“Forgive whatever grievances you may have.” Col 3:13 NIV

Forgive them, and let it go

We talk about grudges the way we talk about babies. You can hold a grudge, carry a grudge, bear a grudge, or nurse a grudge. The trouble is, when you nurse something you feed it, make it grow, and pretty soon it’s full grown. Are you carrying a grudge? Why? It doesn’t make sense. Why would you pick up something each day that weighs you down and carry it around with you? “But they hurt me.” Yes, but by carrying a grudge you enable them to keep hurting you. Don’t do that to yourself!

We know we’re supposed to forgive other people, but sometimes forgiving feels like we are giving up something. One of Lincoln’s stories was about a man on his sickbed who had been told by the doctor that he didn’t have much time to live. He summoned an old friend named Brown with whom he’d quarreled bitterly. They hadn’t spoken for years. The man talked of how he was going to die soon, of how their petty differences looked in the face of death, and asked if they might be reconciled. The scene moved everyone in the room to tears. Brown clasped the dying man’s hands, embraced him, and turned to walk out of the room, a shattered man. Suddenly the man on the sickbed, having one final thought, raised himself up on one elbow and spoke for the last time: “But see here, Brown; if I recover, the old grudge still stands.” This story makes us smile and think, “How foolish!” But if you are carrying a grudge, are you any different?

REDIRECTING THE EMOTION / REDIRIGIENDO LA EMOCIÓN

2009-09-30T10:15:00.003-05:00

Las emociones y sentimientos están ítimamente relacionadas. Los sentimientos están dentro de nosotros y emanan, muchas veces, de las situaciones que nos circundan. Las emociones son los sentimientos expresados; es decir, son la forma visible de los sentimientos al actuar en base a éstos. Muchas veces, nuestros sentimientos producen emociones no muy gratas, para nosotros o para los que están a nuestro alrededor. Idealmente, encontramos una manera eficaz y constructiva de canalizar nuestras emociones para que representen nuestros sentimientos sin minimizar lo que somos y sin destruir o intentar herir a otros en el proceso. Controlar nuestras emociones requiere de mucho valor, determinación y aprendizaje, especialmente las emociones fuertes como el corage y la frustración. Al final, ganamos más cuando nuestras emociones se mantienen en alto nivel y nos conducen a estar en paz con nosotros mismos. Es más fácil decirlo que hacerlo, sin embargo es cuestión de decisión y de práctica.

Redirecting the Eruption

Lashing Out

Intense emotions demand intense modes of expression. While there are many outlets for the feelings typically deemed positive, however, there are far fewer methods for constructively coping with anger, frustration, fear, sadness, or stress. Consequently, such feelings can cause us to believe that we are no longer in control of our emotional state. Backed into a mental corner, we may lash out at the first individual we encounter. Most of us will quickly discover that our misdirected outpouring of fury has not relieved the pressure of our pain. Powerful emotions are like the lava in a volcano poised to erupt—held in check with nothing but an eroding layer of calm. Within us lies the power to direct the flood of feeling that surges forth by channeling it into productive, artistic, or laborious pursuits.

Retaking control of our emotions at their height can be difficult because our already negative feelings can convince us that others are deserving of our wrath. But if we consciously look for healthier ways of expressing what we feel, we can both safely dispel our pain and use the energy of that pain to add value to our lives. Anger and sadness, for example, can become the inspiration that induces us to dedicate ourselves to bringing about the change we wish to see in the world. If we act rather than react, we can become effective agents of positive transformation. When we channel our frustration or feelings of stress into outside-the-box thinking and proactive exploits, we are more apt to discover solutions to the issues that initially left us stymied. And if we view fear as a signal that we need to reexamine our circumstances rather than a cue to flee, we may gain new and unexpected insight into our lives.

Channeling your emotions into constructive action can also prevent you from engaging in cyclical rumination in which you repeatedly relive the situation, event, or expectation that originally sparked your feelings in your mind’s eye. Since you are focused on a goal, even if your ambition is merely to better understand yourself, your pain is no longer being fed by your intellectual and emotional energy and quickly ebbs away. You not only avoid lashing out at others, but you also actively take part in your own healing process while honestly acknowledging and honoring your feelings.

The Daily OM

LATINAS FACE MORE BARRIERS TO EDUCATION

2009-09-04T12:08:00.001-05:00

New Report Highlights Latina Students Face Greater Challenges Than Counterparts

MALDEF and National Women’s Law Center Uncover Series of Unique Challenges Latina Students Face, Offer Strategies to Maximize Success

Listening to Latinas: Barriers to High School Graduation

The National Women’s Law Center (NWLC) and MALDEF were joined by U.S. Representative Raul Grijalva (D-AZ), Chair of the Education Task Force for the Congressional Hispanic Caucus, in releasing "Listening to Latinas: Barriers to High School Graduation", a new report that takes a close look at the drop-out crisis in the Latino community. The latest data show that 41% of Latina students do not graduate on time with a standard high school diploma. The study reports that while 98% of high school seniors want to graduate from high school, and 80% aspire to higher education, Latina students continue to face numerous challenges in reaching these goals.Report available athttp://maldef.org/education/public_policy/listening_to_latinas/

The study reveals that as Latinos work to provide for their families, education too often takes a back seat to survival. Often times Latina students must take on parental duties to either younger siblings, or, in a community with the highest teen pregnancy rate, their own children. Cultural stigmas contribute to low self-esteem and insecurities, allowing society to ignore Latina students who then trade-in the possibility of a future career, for a future predestined by bias, discrimination, and a lack of support.

Beginning by acknowledging that a problem exists, and recognizing the importance of investing in our children, the study offers some solid recommendations. The recommendations include calling on schools, policymakers, and government agencies to: invest in the future of Latino children through high-quality early learning programs, connect Latinas with role models, ensure that all students are prepared for post-secondary educational opportunities, ensure safe school environments that are culturally inclusive and free from discrimination, help Latino parents get involved in their children’s education, improve efforts to prevent teen pregnancy and provide support for pregnant and parenting students, and require better data collection and promote school accountability.By empowering Latina students, we are empowering America. For more information on this critically important report, visit MALDEF.org.MALDEF would also like to thank The Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation for underwriting the study.

(As posted in Las Comadres Para Las Américas)

FEAR

2009-08-26T13:09:00.002-05:00

Fear of Losing What We Have

Seeing Beyond Fearful Delusions

One of humanity’s biggest fears is losing what we have. It is healthy when fear of loss helps us take steps to protect what we have worked hard to attain, but it is unhealthy to continue to fear something we can do nothing about. We need to remember that focusing our energy on fear can actually create what scares us, and holding tightly to what we have keeps us from participating in the universal flow of abundance and instead creates stagnation. Since we can only really control our thoughts and our responses, gaining proper perspective may be key to conquering such fears.

The letters of the word "fear" can be used to stand for "False Evidence Appearing Real." Fears of being separated from something or someone we feel we need for our security or happiness comes from a delusion—a distorted way of understanding ourselves and the world around us. When we understand that possessions are only representations of the energy at work in our lives, we can shift our attention to the right and proper place. We can stop fearing loss of money or success because when we understand how it is created, we can always create more. We can stop fearing loss of possessions when we realize that they are not the source of our joy or well-being but only icing on our cakes. And when we understand the energy of love, we need not hold anyone too close for fear of losing them for we know that love does not diminish when it is given or shared but expands beyond boundaries of time or space.

By focusing our light on our fears, they are revealed as mere shadows that disappear in the presence of mind and spirit. We can choose instead to direct our thoughts and creative power toward things of true value—love, abundance, peace, passion, and joy. These are energies that are always available to us when we place ourselves confidently in the universal flow of abundance.

The Daily OM

ADIOS MARIO BENEDETTI

2009-05-19T22:53:00.003-05:00

Rindo humilde homenaje al gran poeta Mario Benedetti. Que en paz descanse. Lo recuerdo con varios de sus poemas...

Currículum

El cuento es muy sencillo,
usted nace,
contempla atribulado
el rojo azul del cielo,
el pájaro que emigra,
el torpe escarabajo
que su zapato aplastará
valiente.
Usted sufre,
reclama por comida
y por costumbre,
por obligación,
llora limpio de culpas,
extenuado,
hasta que el sueño lo descalifica.

Usted ama,
se transfigura y ama
por una eternidad tan provisoria
que hasta el orgullo se le vuelve tierno
y el corazón profético,
se convierte en escombros.

Usted aprende
y usa lo aprendido,
para volverse lentamente sabio,
para saber que al fin el mundo es ésto,
en su mejor momento una nostalgia,
en su peor momento un desamparo,
y siempre, siempre
un lío,
entonces,
usted muere.

Una mujer desnuda y en lo oscuro

Una mujer desnuda y en lo oscuro
tiene una claridad que nos alumbra
de modo que si ocurre un desconsuelo
un apagón o una noche sin luna
es conveniente y hasta imprescindible
tener a mano una mujer desnuda.

Una mujer desnuda y en lo oscuro
genera un resplandor que da confianza
entonces dominguea el almanaque
vibran en su rincón las telarañas
y los ojos felices y felinos
miran y de mirar nunca se cansan.

Una mujer desnuda y en lo oscuro
es una vocación para las manos
para los labios es casi un destino
y para el corazón un despilfarro
una mujer desnuda es un enigma
y siempre es una fiesta descifrarlo.

Una mujer desnuda y en lo oscuro
genera una luz propia y nos enciende
el cielo raso se convierte en cielo
y es una gloria no ser inocente
una mujer querida o vislumbrada
desbarata por una vez la muerte.

SUCCESS TAKES 1000 STEPS

2009-05-17T11:50:00.002-05:00

Wisdom is in many things and appears in many ways, sometimes as words from unsuspected individuals. Wisdom is not a treasure held only by ancient philosophers or holly people. All living things hold the truth or fractions of it, even when we do not see it.

The greatest minds that have walked the earth, the most brilliant inventors, the people who have made headlines because of their contributions to the arts, science, math, sports, social activism, and politics know very well the relativity of failure versus success and wisdom has emerged strong and clear of every experience that led to the fruition of their pursuits. Wisdom is within all, many would say; we are born with it, many would affirm. The truth is wisdom is not realized and transpired until it makes sense through all life experiences, whether we think we have it or not. Trial and “error” is the way to wisdom. “Error” is just the steps to discover the path to epiphany.

Life is an experience full of experiments. Sometimes it takes 1000 trials to come up with a successful result, and at that moment wisdom will emerge as the light on a new day.

“If you don’t like the road you are walking on, start paving another one”. Dolly Parton

“Failure and its inseparable partner success, are the proverbial two sides of the day-and-night like coin. Can't have one without the other. Take away failure, no success either. And which one dominates at any given point in time does so simply because you say so”.
- John Milton Fogg

"Never think of the consequences of failing, you will always think of a negative results. Think only positive thoughts and your mind will gravitate towards those thoughts!" -- Michael Jordan

Thomas Edison's teachers said he was "too stupid to learn anything." He was fired from his first two jobs for being "non-productive." As an inventor, Edison made 1,000 unsuccessful attempts at inventing the light bulb. When a reporter asked, "How did it feel to fail 1,000 times?" Edison replied, "I didn’t fail 1,000 times. The light bulb was an invention with 1,000 steps."

"Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall."~ Confucius

MACHOS Y HOMBRES

2009-04-03T10:15:00.002-05:00

Encontré este pensamiento, inspiración del fallecido actor puertorriqueño Miguelángel Suárez. Palabras muy sabias de parte de un hombre que dedicó su vida a exhaltar los valores que cargaba en su corazón.

"(Exhorto a todos a) que se quieran a sí mismos, que se amen, que recuerden que los machos nos dan mal nombre a los hombres, que respeten a la mujer, a la dignidad y a las hembras. Vamos a cuidarnos, uno al otro, porque no somos un montón de gente en un trozo de tierra, somos una nación”.

Que en paz descanse.

LAS ARGENTINAS SON LAS MENOS DISCRIMINADAS DEL CONTINENTE

2009-03-03T14:41:00.000-06:00

LAS ARGENTINAS SON LAS MENOS DISCRIMINADAS DEL CONTINENTE
Fuente: Mujeres News nº 21

En un ránking que mide la igualdad en el acceso y las oportunidades en trabajo, salud, educación y cargos políticos, Argentina figura en el puesto 24 sobre 130 países. Esto la deja primera en América. Un índice del Foro Económico Mundial (FEM) que clasifica la igualdad de género en 130 países del mundo ubica a la Argentina en la posición 24, nueve lugares por encima que el año pasado y primera en el continente americano. En el primer informe, que se hizo en el año 2006, el país estaba en el puesto 41.Cuba, Estados Unidos, Bélgica, Austria y Canadá son algunos de los países que aparecen por debajo de Argentina en este "Informe Global de Disparidad entre Géneros 2008 (*)". Arriba, los países nórdicos: Noruega en primer lugar, Finlandia en el segundo, Suecia en el tercero, Islandia en el cuarto. La cola es ocupada por los países musulmanes, en concreto, Yemen ocupa el puesto 130; Arabia Saudí, el 128; Pakistán, el 127; Marruecos, el 125; Egipto, el 124, y Turquía, el 123.

VACAS FLACAS Y VACAS GORDAS/HARD LEARNED LESSONS

2009-03-02T09:28:00.003-06:00

"Dos años después, Faraón tuvo este sueño: Estaba en la orilla del Nilo cuando vio que salían del río siete vacas hermosas y muy gordas, que se pusieron a pastar entre los juncos. Detrás de ellas salieron otras siete vacas feas y flacas junto a la orilla del Nilo. Y estas vacas feas y flacas se comieron a las siete vacas gordas y hermosas. Faraón despertó, y al dormirse nuevamente tuvo otro sueño: soñó que siete espigas granadas y buenas salían de un mismo tallo, pero que después de éstas brotaban otras siete delgadas y quemadas por el viento que se tragaban a las siete granadas y repletas. Despertó Faraón y se dio cuenta que era un sueño.

Faraón refirió sueño a José. José respondió a Faraón: Tu sueño, Señor, es uno solo. Dios te ha anunciado lo que El va a hacer. Las siete vacas hermosas, al igual que las siete espigas granadas, son siete años de abundancia. Las siete vacas feas y raquíticas, que salieron detrás, al igual que las siete espigas vanas y quemadas por el viento del este, son siete años de hambre. Esto es lo que puedo decirle a Faraón y que Dios ha querido mostrarle". Génesis 41.

Esta parábola me hace mucho sentido en estos días. Desde que la leí cuando era niña caló hondo en mí, y en tiempos de adversidad en mi vida acudo a la alegoría de las vacas flacas y gordas para mantenerme optimista. De la misma forma en que las vacas flacas sucedieron a las gordas, las gordas sucederán a las flacas.

Durante los tiempos de “energía baja” como los llamo, parece ser que las cosas tan llamadas “negativas” se agolpan y tal cual procesión de pueblo, desfilan por nuestra vida una tras la otra. Algunas veces, la procesión es corta. Otras, la procesión es larga y agónica. Yo he estado viviendo una época de vacas flacas (que espero no dure siete años), y miro con entusiasmo y mucha anticipación la llegada de las vacas gordas y las espigas granadas.

Mucho podemos aprender durante la época de las vacas flacas, sin embargo, yo siempre he podido apreciar mejor esas lecciones cuando llegan tiempos mejores y se alejan las marejadas y tormentas de mi vida. Ciertamente, aprendo mucho acerca de mi propia humanidad durante la adversidad. Tal y como después de la lluvia, aprecio más y mejor al sol y puedo ver el arcoiris que se manifiesta brillante al final de la lluvia y que augura cielos nítidos y despejados.

Si hay vacas flacas, detrás vienen las gordas. ¡Que así sea!

Hard Learned Lessons

Bad Days

We all have days from time to time when it feels like the world is against us or that the chaos we are experiencing will never end. One negative circumstance seems to lead to another. You may wonder, on a bad day, whether anything in your life will ever go right again. But a bad day, like any other day, can be a gift. Having a bad day can show you that it is time to slow down, change course, or lighten up. A bad day can help you glean wisdom you might otherwise have overlooked or discounted. Bad days can certainly cause you to experience uncomfortable feelings you would prefer to avoid, yet a bad day may also give you a potent means to learn about yourself.

You may consider a bad day to be one where you’ve missing an important meeting because your car stalled, the dryer broke, and you received a piece of very bad news earlier in the morning. Multiple misfortunes that take place one after the other can leave us feeling vulnerable and intensely cognizant of our fragility. But bad days can only have a long-term negative effect on us if we let them. It is better to ask yourself what you can learn from these kinds of days. The state of your bad day may be an indicator that you need to stay in and hibernate or let go of your growing negativity.

Bad days contribute to the people we become. Though we may feel discouraged and distressed on our bad days, a bad day can teach us patience and perseverance. It is important to remember that your attitude drives your destiny and that one negative experience does not have to be the beginning of an ongoing stroke of bad luck. A bad day is memorable because it is one day among many good days – otherwise, we wouldn’t even bother to acknowledge it as a bad day. Know too, that everybody has bad days, you are not alone, the world is not against you. Tomorrow is guaranteed to be a brighter day.

The Daily OM

LIBRE ALBEDRIO

2009-02-24T12:58:00.001-06:00

El concepto de libre albedrío es un término abarcador pero confuso. Se dice que Dios nos da libre albedrío, lo cual significa que tenemos el poder de decidir nuestros actos y nuestra vida en general. Sin embargo, muchas religiones afirman que si no cumplimos con los decretos de Dios o de las iglesias (religiones organizadas), sufriremos el castigo furioso y perenne de Dios. Así que Dios nos da libre albedrío (libertad para actuar y decidir), sin embargo nos castiga si no hacemos lo que El dice… Confuso. De acuerdo a esta teoría conflictiva, no tenemos libre albedrío porque tenemos que hacer lo que los decretos o dogmas de una religión indican, de lo contrario nos desgraciamos con Dios.

Lo mismo es cierto para la expresión muy común del cristianismo: “no juzguéis y no seréis juzgados”. De acuerdo a esta aseveración, no estamos llamados a juzgar, ya que el Padre Todopoderoso es el único con la potestad para emitir juicio sobre nuestras acciones. Sin embargo, el emitir juicios es un hábito arraigado en el ser humano. Evidencia de esto está en nuestros propios patrones de pensamiento. Nos decimos o escuchamos en el servicio religioso del domingo “no juzguéis”; no obstante, juzgamos a todos por su apariencia, lenguaje, manerismos, opiniones, procedencia, color, raza, inclinación sexual, estilo de vida y por nuestras propias proyecciones sobre las otras personas, fundada o infundadamente.

Así que nos decimos que tenemos libre albedrío pero con la cláusula de que solo podemos actuar en libertad si nos conformamos a un sinnúmero de reglas que nos dicen qué hacer, cómo actuar, dónde, cuándo, cómo y por qué; y le decimos al mundo que no juzgamos pero lo que verdaderamente queremos decir es que simplemente se lo decimos a otro para que nos crean, cuando en realidad estamos juzgando a todos todo el tiempo.

No quiero decir con esto que las reglas no son necesarias para la sana convivencia en sociedad o que algunos seres humanos, incluyéndome, estamos exentos de emitir juicios. Sin embargo, a nivel profundo, la aplicación de estas dos expresiones en la mejor de nuestras habilidades, nos permite ser más que tolerantes: nos permite ser compasivos con otros y con nosotros mismos.

Todos somos diferentes y por ende, tenemos millones de ideas con respecto a la vida y las cosas. Vivir en armonía con esas millones de ideas no es tarea fácil, sin embargo estamos llamados a no juzgar y a respetar el libre albedrío, haciendo lo propio para mantener nuestro derecho a lo mismo. Lo que para alguien es un crimen o una aberración, para otra persona es la norma. No tenemos que aceptar los actos de otras personas simplemente porque sí, pero en el esquema amplio de la creación, debemos entender que todos tenemos derecho a la libertad y dejar que Dios sea el emisor de juicios, tal y como predicamos.

2009-01-20T10:30:00.001-06:00

Staying Afloat

Riding the Wave of Life

Our lives are continually in motion, buoyed by the wave that is the universe’s flow. As the wave rises and falls, we are carried forward, through life’s high and low points. The universe’s flow may take us to a place in life where we would rather not be. As tempting as it can be to fight the direction and size of this wave that propels us, riding the wave is intended to make life easier. When you ride the wave, your life can evolve naturally and with minimal effort. Riding the wave, however, is not a passive experience. It is an active process that requires you to be attentive, centered, and awake. You must also practice stillness so you can flow with, rather than resist the wave’s motion.

Because life is dynamic and always changing, it is when we try to make the wave stand still or resist its direction that we are likely to get pulled under by its weight. If you try to move against the wave, you may feel as if you are trapped by it and have no control over your destiny. When you reach a low point while riding the wave and find your feet touching bottom, remember to stay standing so that you can leap forward along with the wave the next time it rises. Trying to resist life’s flow is a losing proposition and costly because you waste energy.

Riding the wave allows you to move forward without expending too much of your own efforts. When you ride the wave, you are carried by it and your head can “stay above water” as you go wherever it takes you. It can be difficult to trust the universe and let go of the urge to fight life’s flow, and you may find it easier to ride the wave if you can stay calm and relaxed. Riding the wave will always take you where you need to go.

THE DAILY OM

January 20, 2009

WOMANHOOD

2008-12-12T09:51:00.001-06:00

Woman

Embracing Womanhood

There are many ways and myriad reasons for women to honor and embrace all that they are. And when any individual woman chooses to do so, all women collectively move closer to becoming what they are truly capable of being. By honoring her experience and being willing to share it with others—both male and female—she teaches as she learns. When she can trust herself and her inner voice, she teaches those around her to trust her as well. Clasping hands with family members and friends, coworkers and strangers in a shared walk through the journey of life, she allows all to see the self-respect she possesses and accepts their respect, too, that is offered through look, word, and deed.

When a woman can look back into her past, doing so without regret and instead seeing only lessons that brought her to her current strength and wisdom, she embraces the fullness of her experience. She helps those around her to build upon the past as she does. And when she chooses to create her desires, she places her power in the present and moves forward with life into the future.

Seeing her own divinity, a woman learns to recognize the divinity in all women. She then can see her body as a temple, appreciating its feminine form and function, regardless of what age or stage of life she finds herself. She can enjoy all that it brings to her experience and appreciate other women and their experiences as well. Rather than seeing other women as competition, she can look around her to see the cycle of life reflected in the beauty of her sisters, reminding her of her own radiance should she ever forget. She can then celebrate all the many aspects that make her a being worthy of praise, dancing to express the physical, speaking proudly to express her intellect, sharing her emotions, and leading the way with her spiritual guidance. Embracing her womanhood, she reveals the facets that allow her to shine with the beauty and strength of a diamond to illuminate her world.

The Daily OM

CONVENTIONAL RULES

2008-10-10T11:04:00.002-05:00

"Self expression and learning are better fostered without conventional rules that bind creativity and reinforce complacency".

Heath Whitehead

Children's Songwriter and Performer

MUNDO DE HOMBRES

2008-09-22T11:31:00.002-05:00

Los avances de las mujeres en el mundo laboral y en la sociedad en general han sido notables en las últimas décadas. Las mujeres han alcanzado penetrar las esferas profesional y política, y avanzar en su lucha por la igualdad de género. Sin embargo, aún nos queda terreno por ganar. La igualdad de la mujer sigue siendo una batalla contra el tiempo y los dogmas masculinos que continúan rigiendo las vidas de las compañías, las religiones, las sociedades, los gobiernos y los hogares.

Cuando pienso en la lucha por la igualdad de género, no puedo evitar pensar por qué, en primera instancia, estamos las mujeres luchando por la igualdad. ¿Por qué es necesario para la mujer abrirse paso a capa y espada para demostrar sus capacidades intelectuales y sus destrezas y competencias? ¿Por qué han existido y aún existen paredes y techos de cristal y de concreto, brechas abismales y puertas cerradas para el desarrollo de la mujer a nivel personal, profesional y social? ¿Cómo y cuándo fue la mujer relegada a un plano inferior y bajo cuáles premisas?

Soy una optimista por naturaleza, pero aun cuando reconozco el progreso significativo que ha experimentado la mujer, me perturba saber que tenemos que continuar vigilantes y en la trinchera de batalla para abrirnos paso en el mundo. Mi posición es que ambos, hombres y mujeres, somos valiosos y merecemos ser reconocidos por nuestras diferencias y similitudes en igualdad de condiciones.

Sé que hay muchas razones por las cuales la mujer es vista por los hombres (y por otras mujeres en muchas instancias) como menos merecedoras de alcanzar el estatus favorecedor que han disfrutado los hombres desde que el mundo es mundo. Nuestras hormonas nos causan cambios químicos que se reflejan en nuestro cuerpo y nuestro comportamiento, muchas veces de manera imperceptible para la mujer y obviamente de manera inevitable. Somos las que, por decreto divino y de la madre Natura, quedamos embarazadas y nos da la mala barriga y todos los síntomas que vienen con el embarazo. Somos las que parimos con dolor y mucho esfuerzo, y las que amamantamos a nuestras crías. Somos las que, por ese proceso maravilloso de la maternidad, tenemos un enlace fuerte con nuestros hijos e hijas, lo cual hace que nuestros retoños acudan a nosotros cuando algo les aqueja (o simplemente porque sí). También, somos las que por naturaleza y/o por socialización se nos ha delegado la responsabilidad de alimentar, cuidar, sanar, calmar, mediar, negociar, interceder, suavizar, mermar y actuar como diosas en los asuntos personales y familiares. No somos el sexo débil. Somos el sexo que tiene los más altos y variados requerimientos y demandas. Los hombres se enfocan en hacer una cosa y en muchas ocasiones la hacen bien (por ejemplo, trabajar, trabajar y trabajar). Las mujeres estamos presentes y actuamos en todos los renglones del círculo de la vida.

Los hombres quieren una esposa “ejemplar”, hijos que jueguen soccer, baloncesto, béisbol y fútbol, e hijas que bailen ballet y tomen clases de modelaje y refinamiento. Quieren que la esposa ayude a los hijos a hacer las asignaciones de la escuela y que se envuelva en la vida académica de los niños. Quieren que la esposa cuide de su suegra enferma y anciana cuando surja la situación. Quieren que la esposa mantenga el hogar limpio, ordenado y listo para ser fotografiado por Better Homes and Gardens en todo momento. Sin embargo, a la hora de trabajar con mujeres, los hombres pueden ser poco sensibles ante lo diverso de las demandas hacia las mujeres. Los hombres trabajan en sus profesiones. Las mujeres trabajan en sus carreras profesionales y hacen todo lo demás, y son penalizadas con sueldos bajos, poca flexibilidad, discriminación, y pocas oportunidades de crecimiento y liderazgo. ¡Que intente un hombre crecer un ser humano dentro de su cuerpo (con todo lo que esto conlleva) y continuar siendo una estrella en todo lo demás, sin queja (o con quejas pero continuando haciéndolo de todas formas)! Que intente un hombre realizar todo esto:

1. Trabajar 10 horas fuera de la casa
2. Ser llamado del colegio de los niños para resolver alguna situación
3. Ser llamado, en promedio, 150 veces en un día para cosas menudas y muy diversas, tales como:
4. Bañar los niños
5. Amarrar zapatos
6. Vestir los niños
7. Lavarles los dientes
8. Peinarlos (y si son niñas, hacerlo con estilo)
9. Calzar los niños
10. Curarles sus heridas (las graves, las no tan graves, las inventadas, las físicas, las emocionales)
11. Levantarse varias veces en las noches por las pesadillas de los niños, para sacar los “monstruos” de debajo de la cama o para cambiarles el pañal y alimentarlos cada par de horas
12. Limpiar y mantener la casa limpia y ordenada
13. Llevar a los niños a sus “playdates” y a todas sus actividades extracurriculares
14. Jugar con los niños aún cuando se está exhausto (mirar todas las anteriores)
15. Cocinar
16. Lavar los platos y limpiar la cocina
17. Hacer proyectos manuales con los niños (no solo tenerlos todo el día viendo TV)
18. Leer cuentos (una y otra vez….)
19. Escucharlos llorar por horas simplemente porque no se les da lo que quieren (repetidas veces en un día)
20. Multiplicar esto por cada niño que se tiene
21. Otros (la lista de tareas es demasiado larga para este blog)

Solo quiero poner las cosas en su justa perspectiva. El mundo depende de y necesita a las mujeres, tal y como necesita de los hombres. ¡Somos las responsables de tanto! Mi llamado es a la compasión y a la igualdad, en su justa perspectiva. Los hombres y las mujeres somos importantes, y necesitamos estar concientes del valor de cada cual y estar dispuestos a reconocerlo estando presentes mental, física y emocionalmente el uno para el otro, incluyendo en el área de trabajo.

SEX! The Big Question: Are Teens Having It?

2008-09-12T11:35:00.002-05:00

I am a strong advocate for sex education. I strongly believe education leads to awareness and a greater chance for smarter decision-making. When it comes to SEX, many people choke up and cannot even say the word out loud, nonetheless, say it to their children. For religious reasons, for social reasons, for cultural reasons, sex is so taboo that some people have almost banned the word from their lexicon.

Many people are advocates of abstinence as a remedy for all problems caused by teens having sex. Definitely, abstinence is the only 100% effective preventative measure against STDs and unwanted pregnancies. FULL ABSTINENCE that is; not the abstinence in which individuals go “first base”, “second base”, and/or “just” “third base”, but because penetration is not involved they say and probably believe they are abstinent. I don’t have a problem with abstinence if it is a well-calculated decision. However, abstinence should come with THOROUGH sex education. For many, the meaning of abstinence is to forbid sex talk and sexual activity. A promise for sexual abstinence is empty and built on shaky grounds if education is not present, and could lead to more problems than it intended to solve.

In my experience, youngsters who “decide” to practice sexual abstinence but do not know why (except that their parents do not approve and the church leader says it is wrong), end up engaging in sexual activity totally uninformed as to how to prevent unwanted consequences.

Advocates of sexual abstinence are not immune to encountering problems with sex. Look at our current running VP, Sarah Palin. An advocate of sexual abstinence, she herself was pregnant before getting married (which means she was not practicing abstinence) and now her 17 year old daughter is pregnant without being married. Do not get me wrong: this is not a political analysis and Sarah Palin’s potential as a VP does not lie on her past sexual decisions or her daughter’s. I am not implying Ms. Palin is less qualified for her past sexual conduct or her daughter’s. The point is that, even people whose bastions lie on a strong point like sexual abstinence, for their life, the ideology of their political party, and the beliefs of many who follow them, sexual abstinence is an imperfect formula to solve teen sexual problems.

No formula for addressing teenagers and sex is flawless. However, our best shot at keeping teenagers safe and to award them responsibility over their sexual activity decisions lies in serious and comprehensive sexual education.

I found this article a few days ago and I want to share it.

Education is key, knowledge is power.

Video Music Awards spur ‘promise ring’ debate

After VMA host derided Jonas Brothers, Jordin Sparks defended purity vow

By Mike Celizic

TODAYShow.com contributor

updated 10:27 a.m. CT, Tues., Sept. 9, 2008

A British comic’s jokes at the Video Music Awards about the Jonas Brothers and their “purity rings” have been decried as tasteless in most quarters — but they have also renewed the debate over what direction high school sex education should take.

The conflict is between the abstinence-only approach to sexual education favored by the Bush White House and some faith-based communities and a comprehensive discussion of human sexuality advocated by many clinicians.

VMA host Russell Brand left no question where he stands during the program, taking a shot at the three Jonas Brothers and their vow to remain virgins until marriage. In response, singer Jordin Sparks proudly showed off her own purity ring and returned the volley: “I just have one thing to say about promise rings,” she announced to the audience. “It's not bad to wear a promise ring, because not everybody — guy or girl — wants to be a slut.”

Sex-education advocate Martha Kemper and abstinence activist Denny Pattyn took up the battle Tuesday with TODAY co-host Meredith Vieira.

Dueling debaters“Are we so threatened by a message of morals and values that these young men who chose to wear a ring were attacked?” asked Pattyn, the founder of a program called the Silver Ring Thing, in which teens pledge to remain virgins until marriage. “What’s the fear here? Why can’t we have an alternate message about waiting until you’re married to have sex? Why can’t we have those values? What are we afraid of?”

Kemper, a vice president of the Sexuality Information and Education Council of the United States, agreed that attacking anyone for their beliefs is wrong. But, she said, “In the same way, though, I think we have to be really careful not to say, ‘If you don’t wear a purity ring, you’re a slut.’ We can’t make that either-or, either you have morals or you don’t. I think we have to be careful to respect everybody’s decisions.”

While being careful not to criticize teens who take purity pledges, Kemper said they’re not for everyone. “The problem is that in too many communities what we’re seeing is programs like Denny’s replacing more comprehensive sexuality education,” she said. “These programs aren’t giving young people the information they need to make decisions now and in their future.”

The issue is very much in the national consciousness. The hit movie “Juno” dealt with a 16-year-old’s unplanned pregnancy. Britney Spears’ 17-year-old sister, Jamie Lynn Spears, got pregnant by her boyfriend and recently delivered a baby. And Bristol Palin, the 17-year-old daughter of Republican vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin, sat on stage during the Republican National Convention with the 18-year-old young man who impregnated her. Sarah Palin is an advocate of abstinence-only sex ed.

Disputed findingsClinicians say that Bristol Palin and Spears demonstrate the dangers of not teaching kids about sex and the use of condoms to prevent the spread of sexually transmitted diseases and unwanted pregnancies. The United States has one of the highest rates of teen pregnancy in the developed world. Government statistics show that in 2006, more than 400,000 babies were born in this country to mothers aged 15-19.

TODAY
Singer Jordin Sparks defends promise rings on MTV’s Video Music Awards.
Various government and independent studies show that teens who take purity pledges typically put off becoming sexually active for about 18 months longer than teens who don’t. But, several studies warn, when the pledge-takers do become active, they are more likely to have unprotected sex and to engage in risky sexual practices.

The abstinence advocates reject the findings. “Those studies are flawed,” Pattyn flatly told Vieira. He cited a study done by the conservative Heritage Foundation that shows that the purity pledgers are more likely to be high achievers in school and engage in fewer risky behaviors. He also said that condoms are not as effective as advertised and has said that he does not want his own teenage daughters to use them, even if they break their own purity pledges.

Advocates of comprehensive sexual education programs say that condoms lose effectiveness if people don’t know how to use them.

“The idea is that condoms need to be used consistently and correctly, and if we’re not telling them how to do that, they can’t,” Kemper said.

HOW TO RAISE A TOUGH GUY

2008-08-05T10:33:00.003-05:00

Many men are afraid their sons will grow up to be "less men" if they do not raise their boys to be tough and independent and an early age. Men and women often teach their boys to reject feelings of being weak or fearful, even under circunstances that call for sensitivity and empathy. Being strong is not only about physical strength. We can teach our boys and girls to be intelligent, compassionate, strong, and respectful of others, especially the opposite sex. Here is an article about raising "tough" boys. I found it honest and refreshing. Hope you enjoy reading it. This topic will continue...

How to raise a tough guy
By Neal Pollack, Men’s Health

At dinner one day, my 5-year-old son, Elijah, took a bite of zucchini and said, "My ears are stopped up."

"That's okay," I said. "You'll be fine."

"But my ears are stopped up!"

"It's no big deal."

Tears began to bubble out, and his voice turned into a whimper. Within a minute he was in his bedroom, writhing on the floor. "My ears! Oh, God! My ears! I'm in pain! I'm in horrible, horrible pain! And I will never feel better ever again!"

At that moment, I realized that I'm raising my son to be a wuss. Just like me.

My dad was tough. He wasn't boxer tough or weekend-tackle-football tough, and he wasn't an outdoorsman. But he'd served in Vietnam, and his life was full of tragedy: His parents escaped Nazi Germany just before Kristallnacht and raised my dad in the Bronx. When my dad was 11, his father died of cancer. His mother remarried, and her second husband had a heart attack soon after. Then, when my dad (a graduate of an Ivy League ROTC program) was on the boat to Vietnam, his mother committed suicide, leaving him the sole guardian of his younger sister.

I, on the other hand, grew up in suburban Phoenix. Never once did I experience a second of want, tragedy, or grief. I was a skinny, sensitive, spazzy kid who had a weird sense of humor and received Fantastic Four comics in the mail, played D&D, and quoted Monty Python. On my Little League team, I was the statistician.

My father was confused by the son he'd produced, and tried to toughen me up. He bought me a set of plastic weights that I had to fill with water, but they started leaking all over my bedroom rug and ended up lost in my closet. He tried to teach me to ride a big-kid bike, but I kept slipping off the seat and banging my crotch, which made me cry and him turn grouchy. His lessons dwindled as I got older, and none ever really took hold.

On the playground, I was a favorite target of bullies. My only weapon: a shrill, prepubescent battle scream that erupted from my lizard brain when I was cornered. Sometimes it scared off the predators.

Back then, I would think ahead. When I have a son, I decided, he's going to be tough. Even if I had to make him that way.

Easier said than done.

My son is sensitive, skinny, and spazzy, and he has a weird sense of humor. While his friends are off skateboarding, he's in his room looking at his ant farm. He cries for half an hour after stubbing his toe. If he suffers any kind of a rash or cut or bruise, he howls as if he were being eviscerated for a crime he didn't commit. Compared with him, I was a childhood version of Jason Bourne.

My wife and I started to notice these tendencies when he was 3, after the time he threw himself on the floor of the local mall because of a leg cramp. Sure, toddlers aren't known for their toughness, but I found his intensity alarming. But nurture can trump nature, right? I'd passed on the wuss gene, so it was time for some gene therapy.

I enrolled Elijah in a karate class. My own martial-arts experience involved four completely incompetent weeks of aikido the summer after college. Still, I knew from the Ralph Macchio movies of my youth that karate was a great way for the ordinary milquetoast to morph into a Bronson-like beast of a man.

The first 3 weeks, my overenthusiastic "So how's he doing?" questions to the master were met with an under enthusiastic "Just fine." After that, I began hearing increasingly distressing reviews. "Elijah needs to concentrate better." "He needs to work on his kicks." "He's just not keeping up with the other kids."

The week before Elijah was supposed to graduate from level one, I went to pick him up after class. An assistant teacher was walking Elijah down the steps. The boy looked shamed, chastised.

"What's this about?" I asked.

"I put my fingers in the electric socket and got into trouble," Elijah said.

"You did what? Why?"

A shrug. "I don't know."

The master came downstairs.

"I don't think Elijah is ready," he said.

No shit, I thought. Perhaps leaving my boy's psyche to a stranger wasn't the best approach. I'd have to toughen him up myself.

Our training started that very evening, under the guise of "playing rough" on my bed, and continues to this day. Since our home is ruled by drama dorks, we begin each session with a call to battle. "Daddy," Elijah shouts, walking into my bedroom. "Do you know what that smell is?"

"No. What?"

"The smell. Of your inamint demise!"

The first 3 weeks, my overenthusiastic "So how's he doing?" questions to the master were met with an under enthusiastic "Just fine." After that, I began hearing increasingly distressing reviews. "Elijah needs to concentrate better." "He needs to work on his kicks." "He's just not keeping up with the other kids."

The week before Elijah was supposed to graduate from level one, I went to pick him up after class. An assistant teacher was walking Elijah down the steps. The boy looked shamed, chastised.

"What's this about?" I asked.

"I put my fingers in the electric socket and got into trouble," Elijah said.

"You did what? Why?"

A shrug. "I don't know."

The master came downstairs.

"I don't think Elijah is ready," he said.

No shit, I thought. Perhaps leaving my boy's psyche to a stranger wasn't the best approach. I'd have to toughen him up myself.

Our training started that very evening, under the guise of "playing rough" on my bed, and continues to this day. Since our home is ruled by drama dorks, we begin each session with a call to battle. "Daddy," Elijah shouts, walking into my bedroom. "Do you know what that smell is?"

"No. What?"

"The smell. Of your inamint demise!"

Since I have no fighting techniques to teach, I performed over and over the trick he finds most amusing. For weeks, he spent 20 minutes sliding down my back as I held him upside down by his ankles. Currently, he enjoys escaping my leg traps. Lately, he's grown more sensitive to injury, so he often stops after 20 minutes to bring in a board game instead.

"Oh, God," I say. "Not Candy Land again!"

That's the way he tests my toughness. I used to mind. Until . . .

A few months ago, I had a flashback. I was drunk and listless at a bar in Austin, Texas, 4 or 5 years ago, when I ran into a friend. He started giving me crap about something. My lizard brain stirred. I began to shriek, much like my son does when he's having a tantrum, and I flailed my hands crazily. I hit my ex-friend on the side of the face with a beer bottle, chipping one of his teeth. As the bouncer tossed me onto the street, I didn't feel tough. I felt like a drug-addled idiot.

I started thinking about what I'd tell my son in the future about that fight. Would he be proud of me? Probably not.

That's when I realized: Physical toughness is only a small part of a man's overall strength. You can be tough about more basic struggles as well, like navigating financial disappointments and keeping your family together during hard times. My father did that when I was a kid, and I watched him. Deliberately or not, he was teaching me important lessons about midlife toughness. Over the past few years, I've worried about losing our home, about putting food on the table. They were hard times, but we survived.

Life will kick your ass in ways that aren't physical, and you need to handle those moments with dignity. That's what makes you tough. In that way, I am a tough guy.

And, most likely, so is Elijah. After all, he's been watching me for 5 years now.

I do plan to give him the good news someday. But right now, he's wailing about the shampoo in his eyes.

Extracted from:
http://lifestyle.msn.com/your-life/family-parenting/articlebl.aspx?cp-documentid=8800299&page=1

I OWN ME

2008-08-01T15:09:00.001-05:00

It is my belief that great deal of how we deal with life situations comes from the way we are raised and all the influences around us in our upbringing. Each individual is a melting pot of a lot of input from all fronts: parents, extended family, friends, guides, teachers, and even strangers through the media and what we read. It is true that feelings are real and, as humans, we have many and complex feelings about all that goes on around us. However, how we decide to react toward our feelings and how we externalize our emotions is or should be our very own decision.

Many people say I cannot control myself when this happens, or I would like to react differently but I can’t. Well, the truth is we can. Some life experiences are not pleasant to live. Humans have a natural tendency to get frustrated when things do not go as planned or as anticipated. Humans who do not feel uneasy when uncertainty strikes are rare, and maybe inexistent. However, some humans act defeated in the face of rejection. Others use their less than pleasant feelings to fuel their drive to act constructively to change their current status for the better. We can learn how to channel the energy from those uncomfortable feelings or situations. We can choose how to act as a next step after experiencing a sore moment. When pain strikes, we can choose to fight or to learn. When uncertainty arrives we can choose to give in to our fear or to see it as an opportunity to embark on a journey of discovery. We can choose to feel defeated or to see “failure” as an opportunity to look for a different way to achieve the desired results. When an unpleasant situation crosses our path, we can choose to sulk and be consumed with negativity or we can rise strengthened and willing to start again.

Happiness is a choice; that’s what I always tell my little boy. Happiness does not happen to a person by miracle. Happiness is a mental, spiritual, and emotional state of perpetually being aware of our greatness and reaffirming it in spite of the challenges of life. Life is not hard. Life is what we make it. I am not implying that we don’t experience negativity in our lives. The important thing is to use those feelings as signals to look into ourselves and become even greater.

Recently, I found this article in the local newspaper and I have to share it. I totally agree!

“Most individuals have the belief that other people, or events, make them either happy or miserable. This simply paints them into an untenable position with no way out. However, I am convinced this phenomenon is the basic premise on which most people base their emotional state. They are happy if things don’t go according to form.

We choose to live our lives outside-in or inside-out. The basic problem with living outside-in is that we have very little control over other people, their choices, or life’s events. If we live inside-out, we at least have some control over how we respond to the same. The final freedom available to humans is to choose our response to whatever may happen to us…I don’t think it makes much sense to give another person all the credit, or all the blame, for whatever our emotional state may be.”

Dough Smith, Licensed Professional Counselor and Columnist for Star Community Newspapers.

ACHIEVING GENDER EQUALITY…HOW ABOUT RAISING OUR CHILDREN DIFFERENTLY?

2008-07-25T15:50:00.001-05:00

When I think about the struggle that women are still having in the world of men to go ahead and to stay afloat, in spite of all the obstacles, I cannot help to ask the almost rhetorical question: how did this gender inequality begin in the first place? Of course, my next question is: how do we make the playing field between men and women even? The answers to those two questions are complex and multiple. However, I think we can start with something very basic: easing up on gender role imposition.

Two days ago, I was talking to a friend of mine about our children. We both have preschool-age boys and they engaged in playing. My boy started playing about shooting and killing bad guys. My friend did not like the game too much (I don’t like it either) but said it is probably inevitable that boys play like that, because they are boys and that’s what boys do (my stomach turns over every time I hear that phrase). I told her my boy had been given guns, rifles, and swords for his birthday from friends and family. I continued to say to her that, if I had a girl, nobody would’ve thought of giving her those sorts of toys for her birthday. Instead, they would have given her a dish set, a tea set, a kitchen set, and dolls (with diapers), for sure.

I do not buy the general theory (not a scientific theory, I must add) that boys are built to be aggressive and that girls are built to be docile. I truly believe, from the time girls and boys are born, parents and people around them, treat them differently based on their gender. Girls get the softer approach, while boys get the less delicate approach, so girls can grow up to be well-mannered and nice, and boys get to grow up to be strong and competitive. Based on my own experience, I remember wanting to do things that my grandmother considered off-limits to girls, and therefore, being forbidden to do them. I never understood why I was not allowed to play with cars or have a race track. I never understood why I was not allowed to climb trees or to ride a bike. I was not even allowed to whistle because “only boys did that”. The list of the “not to dos” was long for me because I was a girl.

I see it in my girlfriends, (the ones raising boys), how, even when knowing what women go through on a daily basis regarding equality, still instill those gender notions on their boys. They still say ‘boys don’t cry”, “boys are strong”, “strong boys don’t get hurt”, and “boys are supposed to protect girls”. I see it in my girlfriends, (the ones raising girls), how, even when knowing what women go through on a daily basis regarding equality, they embed gender notions of weakness, conformism, and subservience in their daughters by allowing them to do things that they say are only done by girls (or not to do things they considered to be done by boys only). And mothers of both boys and girls later justify their children’s behaviors by saying “boys are like that” and “girls are like that”.

If men and women are built differently, and therefore, if this has had and has historical, anthropological, sociological, and behavioral implications for both sexes will never be confirmed categorically. What we can do is be more cognoscente of the way we raise our boys and girls to teach them how to live with each other and to respect each other; their differences and similarities, capabilities and greatness, awarding both sexes high value and regard.

The greatest fear of fathers of boys is not that their boys will fail school, use drugs during their teenage years, or have unprotected sex. Their greatest fear is that their sons will be homosexual (and that their wives will “turn” them gay if they raise them to be sensitive and compassionate). Men’s fear to somehow raise gay sons dumbfounds me. Women’s conformism to old constructs in spite of what we have experienced staggers me. To level the playing field requires a constant and serious shift in our mentality so we can raise strong girls and strong boys, sensitive girls and sensitive boys, and nice girls and nice boys who can see each other like allies, partners, and equal beings.

Poeta

2008-07-10T22:57:00.002-05:00

Pensando en estos días en la vida y la muerte por la partida física de varias personas cercanas, no puedo evitar pensar por qué se nos hace tan difícil aceptar con beneplácito y resignación la partida de nuestros seres queridos. ¿Quién le ha atribuido a la muerte un significado tan funesto y negativo? ¿Es innato del ser humano entristecerse con amargura ante la desaparición física de un ser amado o aprendemos a través de nuestra socialización nuestra reacción a la muerte? ¿Por qué es tan inesperada y ominosa la muerte, aun cuando sabemos que es lo único que tenemos certero en la vida?

Un amigo escribió una vez: “no te preocupes, la muerte no te matará!” Nuestra reacción a la muerte depende en gran medida de nuestras creencias espirituales y religiosas, pero aún así es indescriptible expresar el porqué de nuestra reacción quejumbrosa y apesadumbrada ante la muerte. Si se cree en un paraíso después de la muerte, una reacción en acorde a esta creencia sería la felicidad de saber que nuestro ser amado va en camino o se encuentra ya en un estado superior al actual. Si nuestra creencia es que habrá otra vida luego de la que ha acabado, la reacción debería ser de expectativa de conocer esa nueva vida. Si la creencia es que todo se acaba con la muerte pues…¡se acabó! Lo cierto es que sabemos que no viviremos en este estado físico para siempre y crecemos sabiendo esta información. Sin embargo, por más que lo sabemos, nos negamos a creer que ese momento llegará.

Me parece muy interesante nuestras reacciones a la muerte. ¿Se puede aprender a mirar la muerte de manera positiva, placentera y hasta deseada? ¿Podemos celebrar la muerte como una etapa de nuestra vida, sin temor a la reacción de los demás?

La muerte más cercana que he tenido es la de mi padre, mi padre de toda la vida, mi papá, el ser que me crió y al cual amaba y amo con todo mi ser. Sabía en mi corazón que el momento de su partida estaba cerca la última vez que lo vi con vida en diciembre de 2006. Sentí el final acercándose… Y me pregunté cómo sucedería. Con suerte, una persona que tuvo una gran vida tuvo una gran muerte: murió de un infarto cerebral masivo que le quitó la vida repentinamente la mañana del día de su cumpleaños número 86. Mi mayor deseo para mi papá (y para mi mamá que aún vive) es una muerte pacífica y súbita. Así sucedió. Recibí la llamada esa mañana del 15 de febrero de 2007 notificándome de la condición crítica de mi papá cuando lo llevaron al hospital transportado en ambulancia a raíz de su derrame cerebral. Quise llegar a Puerto Rico antes de que partiera, pero no esperó por mí. Decidió irse en paz sin mí, su niña consentida. Mi reacción fue de tristeza, al principio. Mi tristeza fue egoísta; fue una tristeza fundamentada en el hecho de que no lo vería físicamente en mis viajes a casa. Sin embargo, mi espíritu se regocijó en su partida, pero sobre todo, en su vida, lo cual me hizo mirar su muerte con paz y alegría. Mi papá se quedó conmigo y su amor me acompaña más fuerte que nunca, sin barreras de tiempo ni espacio.

Al pensar en mi propia partida física en un futuro desconocido, quisiera que la gente estuviese feliz de lo que viví, de cómo viví y de haberme tenido en vida de alguna forma. Tal vez no suceda así e inevitablemente mis seres queridos lloren mi muerte. Yo sé que yo estaré feliz y espero contagiar a otros con la felicidad de mi espíritu que se unirá al universo y a toda la creación.

Como preguntó Julia de Burgos: ¿cómo me llamarán cuando muera? Al igual que ella, espero que cuando muera me llamen poeta…y que el mundo se regocije en mi muerte y en mi vida a través de la poesía que pude hacer con mis días en este plano. La muerte no me matará…y aun desde la fosa seguiré siendo poeta.

WOMAN ON HOLD

2008-04-30T09:34:00.003-05:00

Motherhood is one of the leading forces on earth. There is no such energy and passion as the courage, devotion, and love of mothers to their offspring. Mother Nature is wise in teaching us that lesson. A feline mother is fearless when it comes to defending her kittens. Even the smallest bird exerts a courage inconmensurate with her size when it comes to facing her most fearsome opponents in order to protect her baby birds. Human mothers (most of them) experience a new level of conciousness when they bear life and bring new life into this world. There is no stronger sense of wholeness and merge with the universe and the power that is greatest than ourselves than when we become mothers. Enlightment happens. Happiness strikes. A new life begins, for both mother and child.

While all those pleasant feelings are being experienced during motherhood, the demands of our children on us are strong. Often times, we give up our bodies to bring them into this world. We nurture them, often times with our own bodies. They depend entirely on us for their survival, learning, amusement, and socialization. We are the centers of their universe and it is easy to get absorbed deeply into giving our whole selves to our children. The task of being a mother is not an easy one. No one works more hours, lives more sleep deprived, and is demanded so much attention than mothers. After a while of performing our motherly duties with complete devotion we cannot help to question whether the women we used to be still lives.

I call mothers “women on hold”. For a period of time (sometimes longer, sometimes shorter) our existence is focused entirely on our role as mothers. It is the natural thing to do, but also, different cultures teach, enforce, and demand the role of mothers to be an exclusive venture. For those who have a strong drive to be more than a mother, dilema strikes as the demands of motherhood seem to consume our cores.

There are a lot of strategies a woman can implement to feel like her humanity, separate from that one of child, is emerging, at least every once in a while. A lot has been written about that, and my intention with this writing is not to outline a plan. My message is to tell women they do not have to feel they have given up on themselves for the sake of motherhood. There will never be a more gratifying job in the world than being a mother. Sometimes, we just put ourselves on hold for a while to bring up those children that have been entrusted to us. If your womanhood is on hold, let her peek out regularly to see the light. She will wait but she also needs to be nourished, just like your offspring. She needs attention, pampering, to be listened to, attended to, cared for. She will wait for you to be ready to reclaim her. Comfort her and tell her she will not be on hold forever, just for a little while while you enjoy motherhood. And invite her, your woman on hold, to enjoy motherhood with you. She will treat you good when it is her turn to return the favor.

EL PODER DE LAS PALABRAS

2008-04-22T10:11:00.001-05:00

Las palabras cargan un poder y una energía poderosa. Las palabras son extensiones de nuestra energía, de nuestro pensamiento, que ponemos a la disposición del mundo y quien las escucha o las lee. Las palabras tienen un poder por sí solas, a pesar de que la ejecución de las mismas depende del individuo. Cuando utilizamos la palabra indiscriminadamente podemos entrar en una disyuntiva cuando nuestra energía no es compatible con lo que decimos. El conflicto de no ser espejo de nuestras propias palabras nos afecta a nosotros a nivel personal y a los individuos en los cuales nuestra palabra tiene algún impacto. Muchos no se dan cuenta del poder tan inmenso de la palabra. No existe en nosotros los humanos capacidad mayor para explicar el significado de nuestra vida y lo que somos como individuos que la palabra. Nuestras acciones son reflejo de lo que somos, pero la palabra viene de quiénes somos, de nuestro centro y esencia. Idealmente, nuestras palabras son cónsonas con nuestras acciones. Que siempre nuestras palabras sean un retrato de nuestra alma para el que las escucha (incluyendo a nosotros mismos).

RENCORES

2008-04-17T18:42:00.002-05:00

Life is too short to hold resentment...I have learned that. We are humans, and we cannot avoid feeling sad, blue, disconcerted, scared, angry, and doubtful at times...but certainly, we all create our own reality. Missery loves equal. Missery attracts equal. Although we cannot avoid to feel those less than pleasant feelings from time to time, we can all learn to let go of them quickly enough to go on with our lives and live them freely and fully. We choose for how long we want negativity to linger around. Lets not leave empty places in our hearts that can make way for pain, anger, resentment, hatred, arrogance, and pride. By learning to release we live in the moment and create better circumstances for our lives. Lets love and bless each day and each experience our days unfold for us. Lets love, and then love more.

My friend Glomarie sent me this text. Those words, I echo...

"Renuncia totalmente a los rencores, resentimientos o resquemores; no des espacio al odio en tu corazón. Niégate a intoxicarte con cualquier sentimiento negativo relacionado con el odio. Procura siempre alimentar tu espíritu con ideas, conceptos y sentimientos nobles, de perdón, de tolerancia, respeto a pesar de las diferencias y... de olvido. Notarás que día a día mejorará tu calidad de vida".

Y le agrego:

Válgale a cada día su propio afán. Todo a su tiempo...

BAD DAYS

2008-04-10T09:31:00.003-05:00

How bad is a "bad" day? Only bad if we define them that way. Let all days be good days for learning, if for nothing else...

April 10, 2008
Finding The Gift
Bad Days

We all have days when it feels like the world is against us or that the chaos we are experiencing will never end. One negative circumstance seems to lead to another. You may wonder, on a bad day, whether anything in your life will ever go right again. But a bad day, like any other day, can be a gift. Having a bad day can show you that it is time to slow down, change course, or lighten up. A bad day can help you glean wisdom you might otherwise have overlooked or discounted. Bad days can certainly cause you to experience uncomfortable feelings you would prefer to avoid, yet a bad day may also give you a potent means to learn about yourself.

You may consider a bad day to be one where you have missed an important meeting because your car stalled or the dryer broke or you received a piece of very bad news earlier in the morning. Multiple misfortunes that take place, one after the other, can leave us feeling vulnerable and intensely cognizant of our fragility. Although bad days can only have a long-term negative effect on us if we let them, it is better to ask yourself what you can learn from these kinds of days. The state of your bad day may be an indicator that you need to stay in and hibernate or let go of your growing negativity.

Bad days contribute to the people we become. Though we may feel discouraged and distressed on our bad days, a bad day can teach us patience and perseverance. It is important to remember that your attitude drives your destiny and that one negative experience does not have to be the beginning of an ongoing stroke of bad luck. A bad day is memorable because it is one day among many good days. Otherwise, we would not even bother to acknowledge it as a bad day. Know, too, that everybody has bad days. You are not alone, the world is not against you. Tomorrow is a brand new day, greet it with love and watch it unfold into perhaps, a better day.

The Daily Om

EDUCATION BUILDS A FUTURE

2008-03-25T11:52:00.002-05:00

Latinas everywhere face strong obstacles to their personal and professional development; that is well-known. Many of us have made strides and overcome obstacles and adversity in order to reach success; however, the vast majority of Latinas still encounter invisible, but solid barriers to build better lives for themselves, and the external forces that create those barriers are still latent, potent, and evident. Education is undoubtedly the best tool for Latinas to continue a significant and constant path to a better life.

Education is indeed an elixir that begins to heal many social plagues. Our culture, in spite of its goodness, imposes limiting barriers for women. Some of the obstacles Latinas face to further their education are: 1) limited education in the household; 2) marrying at an early age; 4) teen pregnancies; 4) having a family and aiding with extended family, which leads to premature adulthood; 5) high school graduation rate for Latinas is lower than for any other ethnic group; 6) Latinas are less prepared for and less likely to take college entrance examination exams than any other ethnic group; 7) Latinas are under-enrolled in gifted and talented education programs in schools, less than any other ethnic group; 8) Latinas are the least likely of any women to complete a bachelor’s degree; 9) isolation, racism, stereotyping, and prejudice in schools, colleges, and universities; 10) depression and mental health issues that leads Latinas to attempt suicide more than young women and women of any other ethnic group; 11) lack of financial resources to go to college; and 12) limited access to information on educational options, programs, and financial aid to go to college.

Why are Latinas so plagued with these problems? Latinas are raised in traditional homes that enforce them to conform to traditional expectations for females. There are low expectations from families when it comes to Latinas and their education. These low expectations come from their families, school teachers, and faculty in college. Because of the strict traditional roles and unquestioned respect to authority, Latinas lack networking skills to reach out. The Hispanic culture puts family obligations and responsibilities in higher regard with respect to education, and families impose these obligations and responsibilities on its women. Even when Latinas work outside the household and/or study, they are expected to come home and fulfill the vast majority of household chores and family duties. Another obstacle Latinas face when trying to pursue their education is the fact that they lack the support and understanding from family members in the household or their spouses when these women are trying to fulfill their school/college workload. The lack of role models, and lack of encouraging messages to stay in school and pursue higher education from key persons in these young women’s lives (parents, spouses, teachers, etc), instill in the psyches of Latinas a defeating attitude toward education and life in general. Another big issue is that Latinas may not understand the enhanced long-term benefits of education, and short term economic needs of the family, along with the instant gratification of a paycheck, may mirage to Latinas a false sense of stability and well-being.

How do we cure this problem? We must all become the voice that speaks to Latinas, loud and clear, about the benefits of pursuing an education. We must reach out to them and help them build a future. We are all responsible for the future of women in our culture, in our society and in our world. For those of us who have walked the walk and have overcome the obstacles of our culture, society, and to our education, helped by other comadres and hermanas, we must pay it forward. With our encouragement, example, and determination, we can make a difference in a young Latina’s life. Education builds a future!

UN HOMBRE CON PANTALONES

2008-03-11T16:50:00.002-05:00

Doctor Santiago Dexeus, español, es un hombre del que muchos otros deben aprender.

Preguntas y Respuestas con el Doctor Santiago Dexeus

"SURGE UNA NUEVA MUJER QUE MUCHOS AUN NO COMPRENDEN"
MARIA EUGENIA YAGÜERAICES: Barcelona, 18 de marzo de 2007.

Miembro de una saga de investigadores en ginecología. PIONERO: En el Instituto Dexeus nació el primer bebé probeta español, en 1984. EXPOSICION: «Mujer. Un cuerpo, una vida», la muestra que organiza en Barcelona, estará abierta varios meses.

Dar a conocer la mentalidad, el cuerpo de la mujer y su funcionamiento es el propósito de la exposición Mujer, un cuerpo, una vida, que organiza la Fundación Santiago Dexeus a finales de marzo en el Fórum de Barcelona. El doctor Dexeus, una eminencia mundial en ginecología, cree que la mujer sigue siendo la gran asignatura pendiente de nuestra sociedad.

PREGUNTA.- Parece que también van a tratar ustedes el lenguaje que a veces escuchamos de los médicos.
RESPUESTA.- Es que les dicen cosas tremendas: «La vamos a vaciar». Eso suena a agresión, a que van a cavar un túnel o algo así. ¿No se puede hablar de histerectomía y ya está?

P.- ¿Cómo ha influido la independencia económica de la mujer en la maternidad y en la vida de pareja?
R.- Teniendo que pagar un peaje que es mal comprendido por el hombre que tienen al lado. Las mujeres trabajan fuera de casa y al volver siguen trabajando. Y cuando ellos intentan ayudar un poco, como son unos patosos, ella acaba diciendo siempre: «Quita, quita, que ya lo hago yo». Es tremendo. El hombre no está preparado para convivir con una mujer que vale tanto o más que él en los terrenos que ellos han dominado siempre. Lo llevan mal.

P.- ¿Cómo ve esas relaciones tan vistosas que se dan hoy, mujer de 50, hombre de 25?
R.- Socialmente no le veo la menor objeción. En el tema médico, una mujer con menopausia tiene problemas mecánicos, perfectamente solucionables. De todas formas, cualquier problema de la sexualidad masculina se ha investigado y solucionado con más rapidez que los de la mujer. Pero ahora ellas exigen y hablan claro. Llegará la igualdad.

P.- Las feministas acabarán haciéndole un monumento. ¿Los hombres no le miran con malos ojos?
R.- De donde más he aprendido ha sido de mi padre y de las mujeres que he tratado, así que soy consecuente con mis ideas. Comprendo que algunas pueden ofender al hombre, respeto esas opiniones pero no significa que las comparta. Romper tabúes siempre genera inseguridad en el género masculino. Está surgiendo una nueva mujer que muchos todavía no comprenden. Es cuestión de tiempo.

P.- ¿Y las maternidades tardías?
R.- Como ciudadano admito que cada uno haga lo que quiera, pero como médico veo claro que el hijo de una mujer de 67 años será huérfano pronto. En nuestra clínica tenemos un tope de 50 años para un tratamiento de fecundación.

GOODBYES

2008-02-25T21:01:00.002-06:00

Goodbye To All That (#2) by Robin Morgan
February 2, 2008
Goodbye To All That” was my (in)famous 1970 essay breaking free from a politics of accommodation especially affecting women (for an online version, see http://blog.fair-use.org/category/chicago/).
During my decades in civil-rights, anti-war, and contemporary women’s movements, I’ve avoided writing another specific “Goodbye . . .” But not since the suffrage struggle have two communities—joint conscience-keepers of this country—been so set in competition, as the contest between Hillary Rodham Clinton (HRC) and Barack Obama (BO) unfurls. So.
Goodbye to the double standard . . .
—Hillary is too ballsy but too womanly, a Snow Maiden who’s emotional, and so much a politician as to be unfit for politics.
—She’s “ambitious” but he shows “fire in the belly.” (Ever had labor pains?)—When a sexist idiot screamed “Iron my shirt!” at HRC, it was considered amusing; if a racist idiot shouted “Shine my shoes!” at BO, it would’ve inspired hours of airtime and pages of newsprint analyzing our national dishonor.
—Young political Kennedys—Kathleen, Kerry, and Bobby Jr.—all endorsed Hillary. Senator Ted, age 76, endorsed Obama. If the situation were reversed, pundits would snort “See? Ted and establishment types back her, but the forward-looking generation backs him.” (Personally, I’m unimpressed with Caroline’s longing for the Return of the Fathers. Unlike the rest of the world, Americans have short memories. Me, I still recall Marilyn Monroe’s suicide, and a dead girl named Mary Jo Kopechne in Chappaquiddick.)
Goodbye to the toxic viciousness . . .
Carl Bernstein's disgust at Hillary’s “thick ankles.” Nixon-trickster Roger Stone’s new Hillary-hating 527 group, “Citizens United Not Timid” (check the capital letters). John McCain answering “How do we beat the bitch?" with “Excellent question!” Would he have dared reply similarly to “How do we beat the black bastard?” For shame.
Goodbye to the HRC nutcracker with metal spikes between splayed thighs. If it was a tap-dancing blackface doll, we would be righteously outraged—and they would not be selling it in airports. Shame.
Goodbye to the most intimately violent T-shirts in election history, including one with the murderous slogan “If Only Hillary had married O.J. Instead!” Shame.
Goodbye to Comedy Central’s “Southpark” featuring a storyline in which terrorists secrete a bomb in HRC’s vagina. I refuse to wrench my brain down into the gutter far enough to find a race-based comparison. For shame.
Goodbye to the sick, malicious idea that this is funny. This is not “Clinton hating,” not “Hillary hating.” This is sociopathic woman-hating. If it were about Jews, we would recognize it instantly as anti-Semitic propaganda; if about race, as KKK poison. Hell, PETA would go ballistic if such vomitous spew were directed at animals. Where is our sense of outrage—as citizens, voters, Americans?
Goodbye to the news-coverage target-practice . . .
The women’s movement and Media Matters wrung an apology from MSNBC’s Chris Matthews for relentless misogynistic comments (www.womensmediacenter.com). But what about NBC’s Tim Russert’s continual sexist asides and his all-white-male panels pontificating on race and gender? Or CNN’s Tony Harris chuckling at “the chromosome thing” while interviewing a woman from The White House Project? And that’s not even mentioning Fox News.
Goodbye to pretending the black community is entirely male and all women are white . . .
Surprise! Women exist in all opinions, pigmentations, ethnicities, abilities, sexual preferences, and ages—not only African American and European American but Latina and Native American, Asian American and Pacific Islanders, Arab American and—hey, every group, because a group wouldn’t exist if we hadn’t given birth to it. A few non-racist countries may exist—but sexism is everywhere. No matter how many ways a woman breaks free from other discriminations, she remains a female human being in a world still so patriarchal that it’s the “norm.”
So why should all women not be as justly proud of our womanhood and the centuries, even millennia, of struggle that got us this far, as black Americans, women and men, are justly proud of their struggles?
Goodbye to a campaign where he has to pass as white (which whites—especially wealthy ones—adore), while she has to pass as male (which both men and women demanded of her, and then found unforgivable). If she were blackor he were female we wouldn’t be having such problems, and I for one would be in heaven. But at present such a candidate wouldn’t stand a chance—even if she shared Condi Rice’s Bush-defending politics.
I was celebrating the pivotal power at last focused on African American women deciding on which of two candidates to bestow their vote—until a number of Hillary-supporting black feminists told me they’re being called “race traitors.”
So goodbye to conversations about this nation’s deepest scar—slavery—which fail to acknowledge that labor- and sexual-slavery exist today in the U.S. and elsewhere on this planet, and the majority of those enslaved are women.
Women have endured sex/race/ethnic/religious hatred, rape and battery, invasion of spirit and flesh, forced pregnancy; being the majority of the poor, the illiterate, the disabled, of refugees, caregivers, the HIV/AIDS afflicted, the powerless. We have survived invisibility, ridicule, religious fundamentalisms, polygamy, teargas, forced feedings, jails, asylums, sati, purdah, female genital mutilation, witch burnings, stonings, and attempted gynocides. We have tried reason, persuasion, reassurances, and being extra-qualified, only to learn it never was about qualifications after all. We know that at this historical moment women experience the world differently from men—though not all the same as one another—and can govern differently, from Elizabeth Tudor to Michele Bachelet and Ellen Johnson Sirleaf.
We remember when Shirley Chisholm and Patricia Schroeder ran for this high office and barely got past the gate—they showed too much passion, raised too little cash, were joke fodder. Goodbye to all that. (And goodbye to some feminists so famished for a female president they were even willing to abandon women’s rights in backing Elizabeth Dole.)
Goodbye, goodbye to . . .
—blaming anything Bill Clinton does on Hillary (even including his womanizing like the Kennedy guys—though unlike them, he got reported on). Let’s get real. If he hadn’t campaigned strongly for her everyone would cluck over what that meant. Enough of Bill and Teddy Kennedy locking their alpha male horns while Hillary pays for it.
—an era when parts of the populace feel so disaffected by politics that a comparative lack of knowledge, experience, and skill is actually seen as attractive, when celebrity-culture mania now infects our elections so that it’s “cooler” to glow with marquee charisma than to understand the vast global complexities of power on a nuclear, wounded planet.
—the notion that it’s fun to elect a handsome, cocky president who feels he can learn on the job, goodbye to George W. Bush and the destruction brought by his inexperience, ignorance, and arrogance. Goodbye to the accusation that HRC acts “entitled” when she’s worked intensely at everything she’s done—including being a nose-to-the-grindstone, first-rate senator from my state.
Goodbye to her being exploited as a Rorschach test by women who reduce her to a blank screen on which they project their own fears, failures, fantasies.
Goodbye to the phrase “polarizing figure” to describe someone who embodies the transitions women have made in the last century and are poised to make in this one. It was the women’s movement that quipped, “We are becoming the men we wanted to marry.” She heard us, and she has.
Goodbye to some women letting history pass by while wringing their hands, because Hillary isn’t as “likeable” as they’ve been warned they must be, or because she didn’t leave him, couldn’t “control” him, kept her family together and raised a smart, sane daughter. (Think of the blame if Chelsea had ever acted in the alcoholic, neurotic manner of the Bush twins!) Goodbye to some women pouting because she didn’t bake cookies or she did, sniping because she learned the rules and then bent or broke them. Grow the hell up. She is not running for Ms.-perfect-pure-queen-icon of the feminist movement. She’s running to be president of the United States.
Goodbye to the shocking American ignorance of our own and other countries’ history. Margaret Thatcher and Golda Meir rose through party ranks and war, positioning themselves as proto-male leaders. Almost all other female heads of government so far have been related to men of power—granddaughters, daughters, sisters, wives, widows: Gandhi, Bandaranike, Bhutto, Aquino, Chamorro, Wazed, Macapagal-Arroyo, Johnson Sirleaf, Bachelet, Kirchner, and more. Even in our “land of opportunity,” it’s mostly the first pathway “in” permitted to women: Representatives Doris Matsui and Mary Bono and Sala Burton; Senator Jean Carnahan . . . far too many to list here.
Goodbye to a misrepresented generational divide . . .
Goodbye to the so-called spontaneous “Obama Girl” flaunting her bikini-clad ass online—then confessing Oh yeah it wasn’t her idea after all, some guys got her to do it and dictated the clothes, which she said “made me feel like a dork.”
Goodbye to some young women eager to win male approval by showing they’re not feminists (at least not the kind who actually threaten thestatus quo), who can’t identify with a woman candidate because she is unafraid of eeueweeeu yucky power, who fear their boyfriends might look at them funny if they say something good about her. Goodbye to women of any age again feeling unworthy, sulking “what if she’s not electable?” or “maybe it’s post-feminism and whoooosh we’re already free.” Let a statement by the magnificent Harriet Tubman stand as reply. When asked how she managed to save hundreds of enslaved African Americans via the Underground Railroad during the Civil War, she replied bitterly, “I could have saved thousands—if only I’d been able to convince them they were slaves.”
I’d rather say a joyful Hello to all the glorious young women who do identifywith Hillary, and all the brave, smart men—of all ethnicities and any age—who get that it’s in their self-interest, too. She’s better qualified. (D’uh.) She’s a high-profile candidate with an enormous grasp of foreign- and domestic-policy nuance, dedication to detail, ability to absorb staggering insult and personal pain while retaining dignity, resolve, even humor, and keep on keeping on. (Also, yes, dammit, let’s hear it for her connections and funding and party-building background, too. Obama was awfully glad about those when she raised dough and campaigned for him to get to the Senate in the first place.)
I’d rather look forward to what a good president he might make in eight years, when his vision and spirit are seasoned by practical know-how—and he’ll be all of 54. Meanwhile, goodbye to turning him into a shining knight when actually he’s an astute, smooth pol with speechwriters who’ve worked with the Kennedys’ own speechwriter-courtier Ted Sorenson. If it’s only about ringing rhetoric, let speechwriters run. But isn’t it about getting the policies we want enacted?
And goodbye to the ageism . . .
How dare anyone unilaterally decide when to turn the page on history, papering over real inequities and suffering constituencies in the promise of a feel-good campaign? How dare anyone claim to unify while dividing, or think that to rouse U.S. youth from torpor it’s useful to triage the single largest demographic in this country’s history: the boomer generation—the majority of which is female?
Old woman are the one group that doesn’t grow more conservative with age—and we are the generation of radicals who said “Well-behaved women seldom make history.” Goodbye to going gently into any goodnight any man prescribes for us. We are the women who changed the reality of the United States. And though we never went away, brace yourselves: we’re back!
We are the women who brought this country equal credit, better pay, affirmative action, the concept of a family-focused workplace; the women who established rape-crisis centers and battery shelters, marital-rape and date-rape laws; the women who defended lesbian custody rights, who fought for prison reform, founded the peace and environmental movements; who insisted that medical research include female anatomy; who inspired men to become more nurturing parents; who created women’s studies and Title IX so we all could cheer the WNBA stars and Mia Hamm. We are the women who reclaimed sexuality from violent pornography, who put childcare on the national agenda, who transformed demographics, artistic expression, language itself. We are the women who forged a worldwide movement. We are the proud successors of women who, though it took more than 50 years, won us the vote.
We are the women who now comprise the majority of U.S. voters.
Hillary said she found her own voice in New Hampshire. There’s not a woman alive who, if she’s honest, doesn’t recognize what she means. Then HRC got drowned out by campaign experts, Bill, and media’s obsession with everything Bill.
So listen to her voice:
“For too long, the history of women has been a history of silence. Even today, there are those who are trying to silence our words.
“It is a violation of human rights when babies are denied food, or drowned, or suffocated, or their spines broken, simply because they are born girls. It is a violation of human rights when woman and girls are sold into the slavery of prostitution. It is a violation of human rights when women are doused with gasoline, set on fire and burned to death because their marriage dowries are deemed too small. It is a violation of human rights when individual women are raped in their own communities and when thousands of women are subjected to rape as a tactic or prize of war. It is a violation of human rights when a leading cause of death worldwide along women ages 14 to 44 is the violence they are subjected to in their own homes. It is a violation of human rights when women are denied the right to plan their own families, and that includes being forced to have abortions or being sterilized against their will.
“Women’s rights are human rights. Among those rights are the right to speak freely—and the right to be heard.”
That was Hillary Rodham Clinton defying the U.S. State Department and the Chinese Government at the 1995 UN World Conference on Women in Beijing (look here for the full, stunning speech).
And this voice, age 21, in “Commencement Remarks of Hillary D. Rodham, President of Wellesley College Government Association, Class of 1969.”
“We are, all of us, exploring a world none of us understands. . . . searching for a more immediate, ecstatic, and penetrating mode of living. . . . [for the] integrity, the courage to be whole, living in relation to one another in the full poetry of existence. The struggle for an integrated life existing in an atmosphere of communal trust and respect is one with desperately important political and social consequences. . . . Fear is always with us, but we just don't have time for it.”
She ended with the commitment “to practice, with all the skill of our being: the art of making possible.”
And for decades, she’s been learning how.
So goodbye to Hillary’s second-guessing herself. The real question is deeper than her re-finding her voice. Can we women find ours? Can we do this for ourselves?
“Our President, Ourselves!”
Time is short and the contest tightening. We need to rise in furious energy—as we did when Anita Hill was so vilely treated in the U.S. Senate, as we did when Rosie Jiminez was butchered by an illegal abortion, as we did and do for women globally who are condemned for trying to break through. We need to win, this time. Goodbye to supporting HRC tepidly, with ambivalent caveats and apologetic smiles. Time to volunteer, make phone calls, send emails, donate money, argue, rally, march, shout, vote.
Me? I support Hillary Rodham because she’s the best qualified of all candidates running in both parties. I support her because her progressive politics are as strong as her proven ability to withstand what will be a massive right-wing assault in the general election. I support her because she knows how to get us out of Iraq. I support her because she’s refreshingly thoughtful, and I’m bloodied from eight years of a jolly “uniter” with ejaculatory politics. I needn’t agree with her on every point. I agree with the 97 percent of her positions that are identical with Obama’s—and the few where hers are both more practical and to the left of his (like health care). I support her because she’s already smashed the first-lady stereotype and made history as a fine senator, because I believe she will continue to make history not only as the first US woman president, but as a great US president.
As for the “woman thing”?
Me, I’m voting for Hillary not because she’s a woman—but because I am.
###

SEX AND THE NEW LATINA

2008-02-24T09:16:00.003-06:00

As part of our culture and traditions, Latinas are not supposed to be sexual. We are supposed to be nurturers, gatherers, cooks, nurses, psychologists, healers, personal assistants, coaches, cheffeurs, door mats, dumpsters, "aguantadoras", martyrs, and vivid reflections of the virtues of the Virgin Mary (who, according to the Bible, conceived without sex, and we are all supposed to do just that!). Sex is not in our anatomy, in our genetic package, in our minds, in our wishes or desires, according to the Old Latina Dogma. "Good" Latinas do not think about sex, do not want sex, do not initiate sex, do not enjoy sex...they just do it to please their husbands or their mothers and mothers-in-law when they want them to give them grandchildren. Somehow, though, mothers and fathers do not think about the process their daughters got involved in order to conceive; the notion of even attempting to imagine their virtuous little daughters involved in sweaty, dirty, passionate intercourse with a man is....eeky!

In the Hispanic culture, a no sex-talk policy means daughters are NOT having sex...How, then, are statistics of Latina teen pregnancies explained? How do young Latinas, who hold the throne in the statistics about teen pregnancy, get pregnant when their parents (or nobody else around them) are not talking to them about sex?

For some reason, the sex talk is difficult, unnatural, sinful, forbidden for most Hispanic parents. Parents do not talk to young Latinos about sex either. They just give them permission to have sex since they are born!

Since very early in our lives, Latinas are dogmatized to "surgically remove" sex from our vocabulary, our brains, and from between our legs. I know a lot of women, well into their 30s, 40s, 50s, and beyond, who still cannot say the S word without whispering it and looking around to see who might have heard them. Shame, guilt, regret are feelings associated with even coming close to the S word or the S act.

Latinas need to change. Sex was given to us as part of our package. It is not dirty, it is not a sin, it is not something that is performed and enjoyed as a right to the "just for men" club. Sex is for all of us to enjoy, with education, knowledge, responsibility, respect, openness, and fun. As George Michael says in his song I Want Your Sex: Sex is natural, sex is fun! The New Latina has the right to fully enjoy a fulfilling sex life, just like men.

WOMEN AND MEN

2008-02-08T09:17:00.000-06:00

Understanding he and she...many have tried, it is not an easy task, but here is one interesting approach...

A CADA DIA SU PROPIO AFAN

2008-02-05T10:33:00.000-06:00

Este mensaje llegó a mi correo electrónico hoy. Me lo envió mi amiga Glomarie. No sé quién lo originó o a quién darle crédito de autoría. Lo publico, con el respeto de quien concibió estas ideas, por la sabiduría que encierran. A cada día su afán...

"Concentra tus energías para que hagas frente al desafío de cada momento. El único tiempo que puedes vivir es el presente. Vívelo a plenitud, amando de manera comprometida lo que haces y a quien eres, a quienes sirves y a quienes te sirven, a quienes te aman y a quienes te odian. No eches a perder, con resentimientos, el día de hoy. Vive y disfruta del placer de cada segundo, de cada minuto, de cada hora, amando, sirviendo y compartiendo".

The Wage Gap Between Men and Women: Explaining the Unexplainable

2008-01-24T15:36:00.000-06:00

The topic of the wage gap between men and women in the workplace is one with no easy explanation, maybe in part because the roots of this reality are rooted in the patriarchal societies we have all been raised in. Awareness is always the beginning of the path to enlightment. Lets all be aware and create favorable changes towards equality...

Wage Gap Between Men and Women: Explaining the Unexplainable

1. Women are perceived as unqualified to handle financial work.
2. There is the perception among men that women are not strong leaders.
3. There is a myth that women allow their emotions to influence administrative decisions.
4. Women and minorities are disproportionately represented in upper leadership positions.
5. Women and minorities are still concentrated in lower managerial positions in corporations.
6. Upper management is still dominated by white males.
6. Discrimination, racism, exclusion, prejudice, stereotyping, and bias in the workplace are existent realities.
7. Organizational culture is still built with white male constructs.
8. Women are still responsible for housework, which prevents them from interaction beyond work schedules, which creates segregation and discrimination for further promotion.
9. Women are not trusted and are not given as many opportunities as men for more demanding jobs, which could advance their careers, due to prejudice towards the capability of women to commit to the organization.
10. Organizations are constructed around the male norm which makes women not to see themselves as equal to men and men not to see themselves as equal to women, and women to have to work harder to prove themselves and act more like men to fit in.
11. Men exert power through economic, educational, judicial, and political control.
12. Women of color face double form of discrimination in the labor market due to their gender and ethnicity, and racial characteristics such as skin color reduce earning potential and attainment.
13. Hispanics are more likely to anticipate both gender and ethnic discrimination in the workplace.
14. Wage secrecy: wage data is kept secret so women and minorities can be underpaid without knowing it.
15. Women often undervalue themselves when negotiating salary, which labels them as underachievers and perpetuates wage discrepancies.
16. Retaliation from companies toward women who sue for wage discrimination.
17. Due to lower incomes, women tend to be them ones who stop their careers to stay home with the family.
18. Women-dominated jobs are not valued the same as men-dominated ones, paying 20% less on average.
19. Denial-companies do not want to admit discrimination.
20. Employers discriminate against women in childbearing age.
21. Women have fewer years of experience, work fewer hours per year, are less likely to work full-time, and leave the workforce for longer periods of time than men.

15 AÑOS Y UN FUTURO

2008-01-18T10:24:00.000-06:00

En nuestra tradición hispana, una de las cumbres en la vida de una mujer es la llegada de su cumpleaños número 15. No sé cómo comenzó esta tradición y hasta ahora no se me había ocurrido explorar su origen y procedencia. Sin embargo, me parece interesante, por falta de otra palabra más adecuada en mi limitado léxico, cómo se defiende esa tradición contra viento y marea. La fiesta de quinceañera es vista como el regalo más importante que se le da a las jóvenes durante su vida (antes de su boda). En Latinoamérica deben existir variadas costumbres sobre cómo llevar a cabo este ritual de los 15 años. En Puerto Rico, los padres de la niña, la futura quinceañera, deberán costear todos los gastos relacionados con la fiesta de quince años para su hija. Esto representa una suma de dinero considerable, muchas veces docenas de miles de dólares. Los padres comienzan a ahorrar para este evento mucho antes de su llegada, o asumen deudas en instituciones prestatarias para poder incurrir en el gran gasto llegado el momento.

No importa la condición económica para que las familias quieran hacerle su fiesta de quinceañera a la niña. Pobres y ricos se envuelven en esta práctica, los pobres haciendo el “sacrificio” para “darle” la fiesta de quinceañera a su preciada hija. Me parece irónico que los menos pudientes hagan el llamado “sacrificio” para pagarle una fiesta de quince años digna de una princesa a su hija, pero luego en dos o tres años, cuando se acerca la fecha en que su hija se gradúa de escuela superior, los padres aleguen que no tienen dinero para enviar a su hija a la universidad. Me parece insólito que no se promueva el ahorro para financiar una educación post secundaria para la niña, pero se haga el “sacrificio” de pagar miles de dólares en una fiesta para unas horas.

La educación es un activo que no deprecia y le añade valor en todas las dimensiones a una persona. Una fiesta es un evento efímero, y su gratificación se acaba tan pronto acaba el evento. Irónico también es el hecho de que, en unos años, la joven mirará sus fotos de su fiesta de quince años y odiará su traje, su pareja, los trajes de las damas de su séquito, el traje que usó su mamá, su peinado, maquillaje, accesorios y zapatos. Es muy difícil que al cabo de los años la joven reniegue de la educación universitaria que recibió.

El futuro de una joven es más importante que una fiesta. No estoy en contra de la tradición. Me parece hermosa. Si la familia tiene las finanzas para costear el quinceañero y la universidad de la chica, adelante con ambos. Si la familia debe escoger entre un quinceañero y la educación superior para su hija, deben ganar su educación y su futuro.

2008

2008-01-15T13:48:00.000-06:00

Happy 2008!

Hard to believe, but we have come to see a new year coming our way. Holidays are once again behind us and forgotten, and the new year is fastly going. Slowly people are leaving behind new year’s resolutions to make way to the reality of everyday life. Happy 2008! May countless blessings come your way and do not cease.

¡Feliz 2008!

¡Increíble pero cierto! Otro año nos ha llegado. Las fiestas navideñas ya quedaron atrás en el olvido y el nuevo año está pasando con rapidez. Lentamente la gente deja atrás sus resoluciones de año nuevo para darle paso a la realidad de la vida. ¡Feliz 2008! Que incontables bendiciones vengan y no cesen.

PENIS VS VAGINA

2007-12-15T10:53:00.000-06:00

“Girls’ sexuality is only seen as a negation of the boy (Frithiof, 1985). Much of boys’ sexual identification is linked to the fact that they have a penis; parents often express appreciation when a boy displays his penis, which gives the boy the opinion that he has a valuable body part (Chodorow, 1988). When girls are seen to touch their sexual organs, however, reactions are often more negative. These differing values we carry with us on what is suitable or unsuitable behavior for boys and girls are passed on to the child right from birth as conscious or unconscious aspects of the conceptual world of their mothers and fathers, and later from other adults and surrounding society. Turner and Gervai (1995), claim that gender is one of the first and probably most obvious characteristics children learn in categorizing other people. Therefore, gender is also crucial to the development of self esteem and sexual identity”.

Abstract from Sexual Abuse of Children. Child Sexuality and Sexual Behavior by Ing Beth Larson, Dept. of Health and Environment, Division of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, Linköping University.

LIFE CIRCUMSTANCES/ CIRCUNSTANCIAS DE LA VIDA

2007-12-14T11:28:00.000-06:00

"People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don't believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and if they can't find them, make them." George Bernard Shaw.

"La gente siempre está culpando sus circunstancias por lo que son. Yo no creo en circunstancias. La gente que triunfa en este mundo es la gente que se levanta y busca las circunstancias que quieren, y cuando no las pueden encontrar, las hacen." George Bernard Shaw.

ROMPEOLAS

2007-12-12T10:21:00.000-06:00

ROMPEOLAS

Voy a hacer un rompeolas

con mi alegría pequeña...

No quiero que sepa el mar,

que por mi pecho van penas.

No quiero que toque el mar

la orilla acá de mi tierra...

Se me acabaron los sueños,

locos de sombra en la arena.

No quiero que mire el mar

luto de azul en mi senda...

(¡Eran auroras mis párpados,

cuando cruzó la tormenta!)

No quiero que llore el mar

nuevo aguacero en mi puerta...

Todos los ojos del viento

ya me lloraron por muerta.

Voy a hacer un rompeolas

con mi alegría pequeña,

leve alegría de saberme

mía la mano que cierra.

No quiero que llegue el mar

hasta la sed de mi poema,

ciega en mitad de una lumbre,

rota en mitad de una ausencia.

Julia de Burgos

LEARNING IS POWER, EDUCATION IS KEY

2007-12-10T06:27:00.000-06:00

To be aware is to have open eyes to the world. When one lives in the dark, one cannot see. When there is light, one can see forward, see the path ahead, see the ground one steps on. To live in the dark is to live out of the reach of fortune. That is like to be uneducated.

You have heard me say more than once “do not sacrifice the present for the future”. Sometimes our life circumstances are so overwhelming that recurring to a quick fix seems like the right solution for our misfortunes. Thinking like that is like having an ailment and taking medicine to ease the pain instead of targeting the cause of the illness in order to live pain free and healthy for the rest of your life. Denying the future by attempting to only worry about the present poses serious risks to your quality of life for the rest of your life.

When you don’t know about an opportunity you cannot take advantage of it. However, once you know you can take action and grasp that opportunity to make the most out of it, for you and others. When you don’t know any better it’s very hard to change your circumstances. But when you learn, options unveil in front of you and all of a sudden you have options. The best way to stay connected, engaged, aware, awake, present, and in an advantage position is to through education.

All forms of education are good, and formal and informal education are great ways to make you a better individual. When you learn you can see and do things differently, change, evolve, grow. Education is the key that opens doors to endless possibilities and a better life. Hold the key that has been offered to you and open as many doors as you dare dreaming of. When you hold the key nobody can take it away from you. Open wide the doors to your future.

NO ES DE DONDE SE VIENE/IT IS NOT WHERE WE COME FROM

2007-11-08T12:06:00.000-06:00

NO ES DE DONDE SE VIENE, SI NO HACIA DONDE SE VA...

(Scroll down for message in English)

El pasado muchas veces nos tortura como un verdugo, recordándonos hechos, sensaciones, emociones, eventos, lugares, trayendo a la vida temores, miedos, y lo más oscuro de nuestro ser. Cargamos con nuestro pasado de muchas formas, en nuestros hombros, en nuestro pecho, en nuestra psiquis, en nuestro corazón, en nuestras acciones diarias y esporádicas, en nuestros sueños y la reflexión de nuestra imagen en el espejo. Nuestro pasado es parte de nosotros como huella indeleble, perpetuo, imposible de cambiar. Esta aquí para recordarnos de dónde venimos, pero no tiene que dictarnos hacia dónde vamos.

Mi madre biológica fue madre en su adolescencia temprana. La primera esposa de mi padre me torturó y abusó brutalmente físicamente. Crecí en condiciones de extrema pobreza y fui criada por personas de baja escolaridad. Durante toda mi vida fui perseguida por mensajes derrotistas y negativos que provenían de todos los ángulos y frentes. Sin embargo, en un momento me di cuenta de que yo tenía el poder de aprender del pasado pero dejarlo atrás para construir el futuro de mi preferencia. No es de dónde se viene, sino hacia donde se va lo que cuenta…

Hoy es el primer día del resto de tu vida. No lo vivas en el pasado. Tienes la capacidad de decidir tu futuro, desde hoy. Tu nacimiento y tu vida temprana no estuvieron en tu control. Hoy decide comenzar a edificar la vida que ambicionas y atrévete a ser feliz.
It is not where you come from, it’s where you are going what matters…Make today the first day of the rest of your life.

EXPECTATIONS

2007-10-23T14:15:00.000-05:00

Expectations are a normal human process. Whether we want to have them or not, whether we want to form them or not, whether we want to admit we have them or not, expectations are a normal result of being aware. When we know, we construct expectations based on that knowledge. When we assume, we construct expectations based on those assumptions. When we build relationships, we construct expectations based on the feelings we develop from those relationships.

Expectations come from within us and are geared toward others and our own selves. Everybody around us forms expectations for us. Expectations come from our family, friends, coworkers, and even people who do not know us personally. Personal expectations help us build the paths we walk on to fulfill our goals, dreams, and aspirations, but sometimes, those same expectations can put too much pressure to our own identity. We have expectations from all fronts and sorts, and often times it is easy to ride on the wave to fulfill everybody else’s expectations, neglecting our own. Many times, expectations are unfair or simply unrelated to our nature or reality, and those kinds of expectations can come from others and from us. Sometimes, the expectations we have for ourselves could be a reflection of those of others and not necessarily our own.

To live without expectations is probably one of the hardest things to do, as, for example, when we love, we expect to be loved in return, to the same degree and extent, and others who love us expect the same from us. Getting rid of expectations seems like getting rid of our humanity, however, having a kind and compassionate approach to expectations might help acknowledging that every human being is entitled to respond to the calling of their own expectations for themselves in order to stay truth to their core. When we accept and focus on our true, genuine, and purest expectations with regards to our lives and all that comprises it, we get closer to being at peace and irradiating it for others to see.

WOMEN DEEP/ MUJERES PROFUNDAS

2007-09-21T17:02:00.000-05:00

Artículo en español le sigue...

I went to Puerto Rico last weekend. As usual, I saw a lot of people that are very important and dear to my heart. I was only there for a rather brief stay, however, the depth of my visit was not commensurate with the measure of the time I spent there. With time, I have come to realize when one wants to be with someone, one makes it happen. A minute, an hour, or a lifetime is time well spent when we are in the presence of the people who are close to our heart. As life gets in the way and we have less opportunities for physical proximity with our friends and family, even stunted moments are worth an eternity to our souls when we make time to spend with loved ones and people who we care about.

I was able to see two of my dearest friends and truly life sisters, and I treasured the hours we spent conversing, baring our souls, minds, and spirits to each other like only women can do. Of course, even when we spend a lifetime talking about our lives, thoughts, and feelings all the time in the world is never enough, however, even a minute is precious. I appreciated the legitimacy and profundity of our experience together because it mirrors the true nature of womanhood. Connecting at such a deep level, being able to get rid of flesh and speak from our essence without fear of being judged, misinterpreted, or degraded is a gift women give to each other. I am so happy to be a woman and to have such wonderful women in my life who I can call mis hermanas.

Fui a Puerto Rico el fin de semana pasado. Como de costumbre, vi a mucha gente muy importante y querida para mí. Sólo estuve en mi isla brevemente, sin embargo, lo significativo de mi visita no es medible con la cantidad de tiempo que pasé allí. Con el tiempo he llegado a aprender que cuando se quiere estar con alguien hay que hacerlo realidad. Un minuto, una hora o una vida es tiempo bien empleado cuando disfrutamos de la presencia de la gente que amamos. La vida se antepone y nos ofrece menos oportunidades a diario para disfrutar de manera presencial de nuestros amigos y familiares. Sin embargo, aún los más ínfimos momentos valen una eternidad cuando tomamos tiempo para dedicárselo a las personas que importan en nuestra vida.

Tuve la oportunidad de ver a dos de mis mejores amigas y hermanas de la vida, y atesoré las horas que pasamos conversando, desnudando nuestras almas, mentes y espíritus como sólo las mujeres pueden hacerlo. Ciertamente las mujeres podemos pasar una vida entera hablando de nuestras vidas, pensamientos y sentimientos sin que todo el tiempo del mundo sea suficiente, pero aun un minuto es preciado. Aprecié la legitimidad y profundidad de nuestra experiencia juntas porque es reflejo de la naturaleza verdadera de lo que es ser mujer. Las mujeres nos damos el regalo de poder conectarnos a un nivel tan profundo, despojándonos de la carne y hablando de nuestra esencia pura sin temor a ser juzgadas, malinterpretadas o degradadas. Soy tan feliz de ser una mujer y de tener tantas mujeres maravillosas en mi vida a las que puedo llamar mis hermanas.

TODO EN SU JUSTO MOMENTO...

2007-08-30T09:36:00.000-05:00

Es normal del ser humano ser impaciente. Siempre soñamos con lo próximo, con la próxima etapa en nuestras vidas, y la anticipación nos impacienta. En ocasiones quisiéramos llegar al futuro instantáneamente, como queriendo saltar una valla invisible que nos obstaculiza vivir nuestro futuro en tiempo presente. Los niños sueñan con ser “grandes”, y les promovemos la ansiedad y el deseo de crecer. Los adolescentes quieren ser adultos y no pueden esperar a experimentar las cosas que ven que los adultos hacen y les parecen atractivas e interesantes. Los adultos queremos alcanzar nuestras metas y sueños en un abrir y cerrar de ojos, muchas veces con mínimo esfuerzo.

Lo cierto es que todo en la vida lleva un orden divino, un orden en el cual la energía creadora se alinea para manifestar en nuestras vidas nuestra propia visualización y las cosas por las cuales trabajamos. He escuchado decir muchas veces que las cosas llegan a nuestra vida cuando tienen que llegar, ni un minuto más tarde ni un minuto más temprano. A algunos este dicho les parece una teoría conformista, una justificación para no hacer las cosas necesarias para fomentar cambios en la realidad actual. Sin embargo podemos tomar el ejemplo de la cosecha. Preparamos el terreno, sembramos la semilla, regamos el suelo y añadimos los nutrientes esenciales para asegurarnos de que cada semilla germinará fuerte, hacemos este proceso a diario, con perseverancia. Sin embargo, la semilla germinará, crecerá y dará fruto en su momento justo, en el momento predispuesto por orden natural. Poco podemos hacer para acelerar el proceso. Nada podemos hacer para controlar los demás elementos que tienen inherencia en el proceso, tales como el sol, la lluvia, las fases lunares y el viento, y solo podemos tomar nuestro conocimiento y sintonizarlo con los ciclos naturales para esperar la cosecha. Esto no significa dejar las cosas a la suerte. Significa que, si bien es cierto que podemos reclamar responsabilidad por una parte del proceso, no tenemos control de todos los elementos. Esto también significa que con cada proceso sabemos que la paciencia para esperar la manifestación de nuestro trabajo arduo es aliada.

El tiempo de espera para la materialización de lo que hemos trabajado es un buen momento para despojarnos de la impaciencia y absorber y aprender las lecciones del proceso. A veces durante los tiempos de quietud nuestra esencia se fortalece con el nuevo conocimiento adquirido, pero sólo cuando estamos en la disposición para hacerlo. Todo llega en su momento justo, ni un minuto más tarde ni un minuto más temprano. Hoy quiero abrir mi corazón para apreciar el camino, aprender del ya recorrido y no preocuparme por el que me falta. La vida es una jornada, no un destino. Hoy apreciaré cada paso que se ha fortalecido con los ya caminados. La siega llegará, producto de lo que ya trabajé y lo demás…

THE POWER OF WORDS

2007-08-28T13:08:00.000-05:00

Believe it or not, words carry a lot of power when we speak. I have a say that I have shared before: “mean what you say and say what you mean”. Words are auditory manifestations of our thoughts, feelings, and emotions, coming from our brain, from our heart, and from our souls. Some say words are gone with the wind. In fact, our words mirror the deeper essence of who we are. Words carry energy, and we vest that energy onto the recipients of our words. Words said cannot be taken back, although the reality from which they were spoken can change with time. Words become solid when our brains process their meanings. Words stay with us long after they have been said, forever, truly, and a lot can stir from the human soul just by the sound of a word. The mouth speaks what is in the heart. Use words wisely.

ALLOWING FEELINGS

2007-08-13T16:11:00.000-05:00

I have learned that, as humans, sometimes it is difficult to conciliate our feelings with the pre-conceived notions of what are the logical, ethical, and expected behaviors to follow when it comes to dealing with our feelings and emotions. Not always mind and heart are in tune, and even when they are, at times, synchronizing feelings with the minds and hearts of others is not always an easy thing to accomplish. Many individuals say they appreciate honesty but the truth of the matter is honesty is not always easy to handle. Allowing ourselves to feel takes courage...

As The Earth Allows The Rain

Sitting With Feelings

It can take great courage to really sit with our feelings, allowing ourselves to surrender to their powerful energies. All too often we set our feelings aside, thinking we will deal with them later. If we don’t deal with them, we end up storing them in our minds and bodies and this is when anxiety and other health issues can arise. Denying what our bodies want to feel can lead to trouble now or down the line, which is why being in the thick of our feelings, no matter how scary it seems, is really the best thing we can do for ourselves. One of the reasons we tend to hide or push aside our feelings is that we live in a culture that has not traditionally supported emotional awareness. However, as the connection between mind and body--our emotions and our physical health-- becomes clearer, awareness of the importance of feeling our feelings has grown. There are many books, classes, workshops and retreats that can help us on our way to emotional intelligence. We can also trust in our own ability to process what comes up when it comes up. If sadness arises, we can notice its presence and welcome it, noting where in our bodies we feel it, and allowing ourselves to express it through tears or a quiet turning inward. When we simply allow ourselves to fully feel our feelings as they come, we tend to let them go easily. This is all we are required to do; our feelings simply want to be felt. We often complicate the situation by applying mental energy in the form of analysis, when all we really need is to allow, as the earth allows the rain to fall upon it. As the rain falls, the earth responds in a multitude of ways, sometimes emptying out to form a great canyon, sometimes soaking it up to nourish an infinitude of plants. In the same way, the deeper purpose of our feelings is to transform the terrain of our inner world, sometimes creating space for more feelings to flow, sometimes providing sustenance for growth. All we need to do is allow the process by relaxing, opening, and receiving the bounty of our emotions.

The Daily OM

BEING NAKED / DESNUDEZ

2007-07-13T19:08:00.001-05:00

Siempre la desnudez me ha parecido una forma natural y normal de experimentar y ser parte del mundo físico. Me encanta la ropa, la moda y el estilo, pero aprecio el regalo tan hermoso de nuestro cuerpo. Nuestras pieles son no sólo un órgano funcional en nuestros cuerpos, sino también nuestra prenda de vestir más única y especial.

Por alguna extraña razón se nos ha inculcado profundamente evitar y negar la desnudez como algo natural y sin malicia. Muchas personas no se detienen a mirar y admirar sus cuerpos sin que surja en sus mentes alguna crítica, muchas veces severa, acerca de cuánto o no sus cuerpos se asemejan a la imagen “enlatada” de lo que se nos ha vendido como un cuerpo perfecto. Por esta razón muchos evitan los espejos, pero tampoco se permiten disfrutar de la libertad de interactuar con sus micro-mundos sin que la ropa esté de por medio.

Habiendo sido criada en una cultura un tanto opresiva con respecto a la sexualidad y el cuerpo humano, siempre me pregunté por qué se castigaba la desnudez y la sexualidad. Aún en la intimidad de un momento privado se me inculcaba a tapar el cuerpo inmediatamente al terminar un baño como si alguna divinidad hubiese estado observando y hubiese podido aplicar un castigo implacable por tan horrendo pecado. ¿En qué momento de nuestra historia como humanidad el cuerpo se convirtió en algo de lo que debemos avergonzarnos? ¿Acaso no es el cuerpo nuestro templo sagrado?

Me encanta la ropa, la moda y el estilo, y estoy totalmente a favor de la ropa. Sin embargo, amo mi cuerpo y el cuerpo humano, y valoro y honro las pieles, curvas, pliegues, celulitis, estrías, flaccidez, rollitos, abundancias, carencias y lo que hace de cada cuerpo algo único y maravilloso. Un buen ejercicio para comenzar a aceptarnos tal cual somos es empezar a aceptar nuestros cuerpos y a sentirnos cómodos con él. A destaparse de vez en cuando, a dormir desnudos (con la ropa al lado por si acaso hay que correr en medio de la noche), a dejar que el agua se nos evapore sola de nuestra piel al salir de la ducha, a caminar desnudos por la casa y a disfrutar de nuestros cuerpos ¡“como Dios nos trajo al mundo”!

As The Day You Were Born

Being Naked

The Daily OM

For most of us, it is probably difficult to remember the last time we were comfortably naked for a period of time longer than 20 minutes or so. Many of us are only naked for the length of time it takes us to shower or bathe. We quickly dry off and put our clothes or pajamas on, without taking even a moment to enjoy the feeling of the air against our bare skin. Most of us learned that this was the way to do things from a young age, and we may not have been exposed to another way of thinking, but many cultures regard nudity as completely acceptable, even in somewhat public settings. If you have ever had the good fortune to assimilate yourself to this way of doing things, you may have found the experience liberating enough to allow it to influence the rest of your life. Perhaps you swam topless in Tahiti or took a sauna in Sweden or Finland. In many American cities, you can find the experience of unselfconscious nudity in a Russian or Korean spa. You may have noticed the lack of vanity in people who are comfortable with their naked bodies. Old ladies and young girls sit side by side, seemingly without concern for how they appear. We see that it is not necessary to hide our imperfections; from cellulite to wrinkles, all is accepted with equilibrium. We can see the beauty and naturalness of our different bodies, accepting ourselves as just right, just as we are. Being naked in front of children can be discussed with your spouse and a plan developed for your family. Children have their way of letting you know when they are ready for a clothes-only family.If this sounds appealing, you might try carving out some time in your day in which you let yourself be naked. You could delay dressing for 10 minutes after your shower, gradually increasing the time to 20 minutes or half an hour. You might also want to try sleeping naked, a sensual delight that is especially wonderful in hot summer months. If you have a private garden, a naked sunbath might be just the thing. Whatever your choice, finding time to be as naked as the day you were born can awaken feelings of contentment, freedom, and self-love.

ACCEPTING ONESELF

2007-06-21T15:35:00.001-05:00

"Aceptarse a uno mismo es el primer paso para amarse a uno mismo. Amarse a uno mismo es tener la confianza de ser, a pesar de todo". Thinking about self confidence and wondering why some people have the bravery to seemingly do more than others, I came to the realization that in essence, self-confidence is grounded on self-acceptance. In order to reach self-acceptance, to love oneself as we are, though to strive to become our best selves not for others but for our own sake, we have to deeply and unequivocally know our selves to the core, our strengths, weaknesses, virtues, past, present, and future, and then with that understanding in hand come to terms with our demons, conquer our fears, and retrieve from within the determination to stand in the world as we are, stripped of the expectations of others and learn to live happily, freely, and intuitively with the person we are. Then, and only then, true self confidence can be achieved.

It is hard to be different, but harder it is to be willing to stay rooted in our grounds and offer ourselves to the world as we are, in our own definition, in harmony with others, but most importantly, with all the parts that compose our whole selves in harmony within. I remember growing up I experienced being different from many angles, and although the temptation to be “same as” was big and an easier load to carry, I always drifted in the direction of what was more suitable for myself. I have been called inconsiderate, cold, and libertine (among other things), although my actions procured the well-being of others, just because I had the guts to stand up, refuse, change, voice-out, and choose to be my own person. It is ironic that all ethics call for humans to be honest, yet honesty is not highly appreciated, nor much tolerated or accepted by others, especially by those one has sentimental ties to. Individuals are called to be honest, sincere, transparent, yet the open expression of differences in thought, feelings, and perspectives is often treated as actions of betrayal, defiance, and desertion.

Self-acceptance requires for individuals to be comfortable in their own skin and to feel the confidence to let that skin show for all to see. One can transpire self-acceptance with respect, compassion, and understanding of others unacceptance, willing to stay open-minded to the learning experience that differences among individuals allows, evolving to strengthen our core through our learning, realizing that differences are healthy and necessary to be unique, and recognizing that differences emerge from the same source and core values ingrained in all humans. To accept one-self is the first step to loving one-self. To love one-self is to have the confidence to be, in spite of all.

THE POWER OF WOMEN

2007-06-20T22:19:00.000-05:00

Women have the innate ability to form tight bonds with other women, unlike any other creature on earth. When we care for other women we are willing to go out of our ways to support, aid, and comfort other women. Friendships are deep and meaningful for women, and we have the sensitivity to connect beyond what is explicable. When women love and care for other women our feelings transcend time and distance, our intuition for each other tunes in finely and intertwines with the essence of others, forming a true sisterhood. I call the way women care for each other and the relationships we develop with other women “the tribe”.

Tribal in nature, we develop an effective system to provide nurturing in a special way only women are able to. It is important for women to stand united and recognize that the power of all, amalgamated, is the power of one. Lets use our sisterhood to strengthen our tribe and create the harmony much needed in the world.

Women’s Support

Becoming Our Own Role Models

As women embrace the fullness of who they are as individuals, they may find themselves supporting other women, helping others to reach the level of inner comfort and outer freedom that they themselves have found. Among those who are less sure of themselves and their place in the world, it may be more common to criticize other women than to seek their help. But there are things that a woman can only learn from another woman, as there are things about being a man that can only be learned from other men. We all recognize that we have much to learn from each other regardless of gender, but sometimes we could use a supportive role model that gives us a more precise example of what and who we can become. There was a time where women stood together in a bond of sisterhood, women supporting women. It is only natural that the pendulum swings out of balance for a while so that we may have the experience of what we do not want. It is up to women to bring the pendulum back into balance and bring back the sacred sisterhood we yearn for at our core. If we envision a world where women support each other and help each other find their place in an ever-changing world, then we can become the change we want to see. Jealousy, envy, criticism, and judgment are refuges for the insecure. As we help others to become self-assured, we create a world in which all people help each other, regardless of gender. Only women can make the change in how women are seen and understood, not just by other women but by the world at large. The way we speak about each other to other women and to the men in our lives informs everyone to treat us with the respect that all women, and all people, deserve.

WOMEN AND GOODBYES

2007-06-19T20:15:00.000-05:00

Gracias a mi amiga Jody por enviarme este mensaje...gracioso y muy cierto.

"A man never knows how to say goodbye; a woman never knows when to say it." Helen Rowland

And if you are a Latina, you say 100 goodbyes before actually leaving...two hours after the first goodbye :-)

CONFORMISMO Y MEDIOCRIDAD

2007-06-18T16:16:00.001-05:00

“…todos los triunfadores comparten algo en común: Ellos no tienen excusas. No buscan justificar ante los demás por qué las cosas son como son. NO se quejan de sus circunstancias ni inventan excusas para explicar por qué no han alcanzado sus metas. Las personas exitosas simplemente entran en acción y se encargan de hacer lo necesario para que las cosas ocurran. Si tropiezan, se ponen de pie nuevamente y emprenden con renovado entusiasmo su camino hacia los objetivos que persiguen”. Dr. Camilo Cruz
Muchas personas caminan por el mundo, aparentando a simple vista estar desprovistos de ataduras o impedimentos físicos, pero con una prisión invisible a su alrededor y cadenas indelebles que los atan a su realidad por más negativa o poco placentera que ésta sea. El conformismo justifica su inconforme realidad y sufren de lo que yo defino como La Parálisis del Miedo. El conformismo se da por muchas razones, y surge del “entendimiento” de que ante el gran temor al cambio (la parálisis) lo más conveniente es adaptarse y moldearse (conformarse) a la infelicidad. Es irónico que un ser humano pueda y quiera perpetuar los ciclos de insatisfacción, infelicidad, dolor y amargura de su vida en vez de emplear su energía para motivar un cambio. Muchas personas piensan que la vida es dura, difícil, ardua y que sólo algunos, muy pocos, disfrutan de una vida fácil y de alto logro personal, profesional, espiritual y financiero. El conformismo como sistema de defensa permite que las personas vivan en “piloto automático” pero sin atreverse a tomar riesgos mayores para alcanzar y vivir la vida que quieren. Todos tenemos la fuerza y el aplomo para enfrentarnos a la adversidad, realizar cambios, tomar las riendas de nuestra vida y vencer la mediocridad, el miedo y el conformismo. El valor no es algo con el cual solo unos pocos nacieron. El valor es utilizado por aquellos que se dan cuenta de que lo tienen a su disposición para vivir una vida plena y realizada.

LO DIJO UN GENIO...

2007-06-05T10:23:00.000-05:00

“No problem can be solved from the same consciousness that created it. We must learn to see the world anew.” Albert Einstein

En muchas ocasiones me han dicho personas que se sienten agobiadas por problemas que parecen no tener solución. A pesar de que la solución puede ser obvia para un observador, ciertamente el estar inmerso en la energía que acompaña un problema actúa como una cámara que limita la visión para resolverlo. Muchas veces es pertinente retirarnos de la situación para verla de otro ángulo, y de esta forma la solución se muestra evidente. Muchas veces necesitamos una pausa en retirada para disipar la bruma de nuestra mente y regresar viendo claro.

REFLECTING ON THE PAST

2007-06-04T16:43:00.000-05:00

You may find yourself meditating on your history, thoughtfully reflecting upon your past. In this philosophical frame of mind, you may be able to discern patterns and gain a greater understanding about your path to this point. We do the best we can at any given moment, so looking back need not invite blame and regret. If we find that such feelings come up, we can apply loving forgiveness to ourselves and to any who we feel have hurt us. They were doing the best they could with the information they had. We can look instead with gratitude at the way our lives have unfolded and learn how to make the journey more consciously from this point forward. By reflecting on your history today, you gain insight into the patterns of your life.

It may be useful throughout this process to continuously ask ourselves how we created each situation in our lives. On an energetic level, we are responsible for everything we bring into our experience. With this in mind, we may be able to change our concept of certain life-changing events from negative to positive. Perhaps something that seemed to randomly happen to us was a result of our longing for an opportunity for growth or a chance to prove our strength to ourselves. It may have been subconscious or from our higher spiritual level, but if we can take responsibility for these occurences, we can release any negative hold they may have on us. Looking back today helps you create more consciously for your future.

2007-05-19T18:33:00.000-05:00

El Amor de mi Vida

2007-05-19T18:20:00.001-05:00

THE NEW LATINA BREED

2007-05-19T17:58:00.000-05:00

The New Latina Breed

Latinas today are a new breed, claiming their lives, grounded in their roots. Latinas have learned from adversity and the hardships of the old Latinas, and many have turned their lives around to cultivate their whole selves, rounded, with emphasis in all the elements that entail a woman’s life and a woman’s soul. Many Latinas today have come to understand they are women and because of so they are entitled to a life defined on their own terms.

New Latinas are gifted with incredible qualities, abilities, and skills which make us different and special. Our cultural and ancestral reality have vested upon us a unique way of seeing and living our lives. We are a fusion of races in which the best of each and all has transpired to award us with exuberant physical beauty, great intellectual potential, and noble hearts. We are the result of the old history, seeded in us to harvest a new and improved one, with a promising future in which our presence is latent and evident in all corners of the world.

The New Latina is the sculptured, polished, and finely finished product emerging from the legacy of the old traditions of the women before us. We are strong women who carry in ourselves the heritage of the past in a present full of different challenges than the ones old Latinas faced, but that we face without dimming to reach our highest ideals. We are dreamers of a better and brighter future, dreams that we work hard to realize. There are many Latinas that have decided to claim their womanhood to build the present and the future they dare to envision, and those I salute. There are many more Latinas yet to realize they have the key to open up a new and limitless world, a world of abundance, prosperity, harmony, and power. For those, my encouragement to let go of the fear and begin a journey toward becoming a New Latina.

DO YOU DARE? ¿TE ATREVES?

2007-05-09T08:19:00.000-05:00

In the last few weeks I was able to get to meet a lot of exceptional people, mostly women, who are doing what it takes to have the life they want. As I was talking about my own life in reflection of how hard work and determination are key to fulfill one’s life, I could still see in some faces the shadow of the doubt. Many women do not feel they have options when it comes to defining the life they want. Many women do not dare to dream, objecting their own thoughts of progress, growth, and goals with the reasons why those cannot be accomplished. For many, life has been already laid out in front of them without any say in the matter, and they feel obligated to follow the pre-determined path, even when it leads to unfulfillment. I saw the hopeless faces of some women thinking that it takes luck to have a better life, and that the life I was talking about, a life self-owned and lead, belongs to someone else, far away from their reach.

I began to think about what Joan Rivers once said trivially about physical traits: whatever you don’t like about yourself, change it! I have adopted and adapted that say to: whatever you don’t like about your life, change it! I have written before about the old script: how our lives begin with a pre-written script we learn by heart and play by. When the old script does not work anymore in our favor it is time to re-write it. We own the blank notebook and the pen to write our own script. When we write it we get to be the protagonists. When we let others write it for us we can only be co-protagonists, guest stars, make special appearances, or be extras pretending to be part of the play without any special role in our own lives. The question is: do women want to take the responsibility for their own lives, take the pen, and have the guts to write their own script in spite of the old? For many, the old is like invisible chains that prevent any possibility of new growth. Those chains, though, are only in our minds. For those who want to break away there is always a way. The principal ingredient in shaping the life we want is COURAGE.

¿TE ATREVES?

En las pasadas semanas tuve la fortuna de conocer a mucha gente excepcional, en su mayoría mujeres, que están haciendo lo que se requiere para tener la vida que quieren. Estuve hablándoles de mi vida en reflexión de cómo el trabajo arduo y la determinación son esenciales para alcanzar una vida plena, pero sin embargo todavía vi en algunas caras la sombra de la duda. Muchas mujeres piensan que no tienen opciones para definir sus propias vidas. Muchas mujeres no se atreven a soñar y objetan sus propios pensamientos de progreso, crecimiento y sus metas con las razones por las cuales no pueden alcanzarlos. Para muchas sus vidas ya están pre-determinadas, piensan que no tienen nada que decir al respecto y se sienten obligadas a seguir con sus vidas pre-fabricadas aun cuando esa condición conduce a su infelicidad. Vi las caras sin esperanza de algunas mujeres que piensan que se necesita un golpe de suerte para tener una mejor vida y que la vida de la cual yo les hablaba, una vida apoderada y manejada por nosotras mismas, pertenece a alguien más y está fuera de su alcance.

Pensé entonces en lo que escuché a Joan Rivers decir una vez acerca de la apariencia física: lo que sea que no te gusta de ti mismo: ¡cámbialo! Yo adopté y adapté ese dicho: lo que sea que no te gusta de tu vida: ¡cámbialo! Anteriormente escribí acerca del viejo libreto: cómo nuestras vidas comienzan con un libreto pre-escrito el cual aprendemos y vivimos de acuerdo a él. Cuando nos damos cuenta de que el viejo libreto no trabaja más en nuestro favor es tiempo de re-escribirlo. Poseemos el lápiz y el papel para escribir nuestro propio libreto. Cuando lo escribimos somos los protagonistas. Cuando vivimos de acuerdo al libreto que otros escribieron para nosotros solo podemos ser co-protagonistas, artistas invitados, hacer una aparición especial o ser extras pretendiendo ser parte del acto sin ningún rol especial en nuestras propias vidas. La pregunta es: ¿quieren las mujeres tomar responsabilidad de sus propias vidas, tomar el lápiz y tener el valor de escribir su propio libreto? Lo viejo y lo tradicional es como una cadena indeleble para muchas que previene cualquier posibilidad de crecimiento. Sin embargo, debemos darnos cuenta de que las cadenas existen solo en nuestra mente. Para las que quieren romper con lo viejo y ser libres siempre existen nuevas posibilidades y opciones. El principal ingrediente en construir la vida que queremos es CORAJE.

NEW BELIEFS

2007-04-02T14:37:00.000-05:00

As we grow up our beliefs are shaped and molded mainly by what our parents believe. Our belief system constitutes a big part of our cultural environment, and most times we absorb it, accept it, and make it ours by default, no questions asked. When we start venturing out of our comfort zone we might discover there are other belief systems out there, and start challenging our own as our concept of the world gets broader. It is not bad to live by a belief system we have “inherited” if it serves a greater purpose and helps us to better integrate and develop a communion with all living things. It is totally acceptable too to decide to change our beliefs if we feel it will lead to a higher learning and evolution.

As parents we instill a lot of beliefs in our children, not only religious, but beliefs of all kinds. It is almost impossible to think about our children as not being extensions of ourselves, and as such we work hard to get our belief system soaked into our children’s pshyche, so much so we would like for them to never question or abandon what we have worked so hard to infuse. However, we must understand that in order for our children to become their own person, questioning, changing, adapting, abandoning, re-shaping old belief systems might aid them in achieving greatness and wholeness as part of their own growth processes. There is nothing wrong in living by old constructs as there is nothing wrong with building new ones. As parents, we have to think about the ultimate-our children’s overall well-being-more than imposing our own belief system into them, even when we think we are doing it for their own good. We must understand that all individuals, including our children, are gifted with free will, and by them changing what we have taught them does not mean we have failed, nor they have betrayed us. We plant the seed, but so many things are in the soil it might make the harvest look different than we might had anticipated, and that is OK too.
Exploring Beliefs

The Daily OM

Today may find you feeling open-minded and interested in exploring liberal and progressive beliefs. You may even feel a bit controversial as you consider philosophies that those you know would most likely dispute. By being willing to investigate ideas from outside your comfort zone, you may act as the translator for those less willing to explore them. When a trusted friend introduces a new idea, it is easier to accept it than when to comes from a stranger. The information that comes after the friendly introduction reinforces the idea until eventually it becomes accepted. Today you can be the translator of progressive beliefs for your friends and family, helping to open their minds as well as your own.Even if those with whom we share these ideas still reject them, we have opened a dialogue that broadens the scope of the discussion. Controversy forces us to take another look at what we thought was absolute and see other possibilities. When we hear new concepts, we find new ways of understanding our current beliefs. It may help us to reaffirm what we already believed or find a new way of expressing ourselves. Learning more about the world pushes the boundaries of what we know and helps us to remember that we don't know everything. This newfound knowledge can help us be more tolerant of those who have different philosophies and help bridge gaps between people of different backgrounds. With your mind open today, you can see life as an adventure of learning and discovery to be shared with willing explorers.

UN NUEVO COMIENZO...

2007-03-21T11:43:00.000-05:00

Un nuevo comienzo

Y una vez más llegó la primavera…Las resoluciones de año nuevo realmente deberían hacerse en la primavera, tiempo en el cual todo reverdece, florece y despierta del adormecimiento natural y cíclico de todo lo vivo. El mundo comienza a parecer activo de nuevo, lleno de vida y energía y feliz de experimentar un nuevo comienzo. Mi alma se contagia de los aires frescos de la primavera y respira la novedad en el ambiente, naciendo de nuevo, saliendo del invernadero para convivir con todo una vez más. ¡Qué bueno que llegó la primavera! Recuerda respirar y absorber la vida que nutre a todos y que nuevamente se hace latente en el aire y en las cosas.

Hoy vestiré de verde mi alma y me uniré al trino de los pájaros en celebración de vida, la vida que nunca termina, la vida que siempre vive y nunca desaparece aunque así lo aparente; la vida que se transforma para siempre darse en todo su esplendor nueva, única y especial.

Y la Vida Continúa…

Pensando en el ciclo de la vida y cómo ésta se manifiesta interminable, siempre resurgiendo, nunca acabando, siempre siendo, veo cómo en el fluir continuo de la vida lo que al parecer termina nutre un nuevo comienzo. Las cosas tienen principio y fin, pero realmente no tienen ni principio ni fin. La vida es una continuación constante de cosas que van y vienen, que aparecen y desaparecen, pero no por ello la vida se acaba. Lo que apreciamos como el fin de algo siempre significa el comienzo de lo nuevo o la continuación de lo que ya habíamos comenzado pero pausamos. En ese momento del final, en el cual parece que la vida se detiene, es el tiempo que necesitamos para cambiar nuestra mentalidad y darnos cuenta de que debemos proseguir o recomenzar. Tenemos ilimitadas oportunidades para vivir y revivir el ciclo incesante de la vida, ya sea viendo este ciclo como uno lleno de comienzos y finales o como uno que perpetuamente se renueva pero que ciertamente no tiene fin, y por ende no tiene primicia.

Me Llamarán Poeta

Aquí dejo un poema de mi preferida, Julia de Burgos. ¿Qué dirán de mí cuando muera (si alguna vez lo hago)? Bueno, ojalá que, como dice Julia, me llamen poeta…

Poema para mi muerte

Ante un anhelo

Morir conmigo misma, abandonada y sola,

en la más densa roca de una isla desierta.

En el instante un ansia suprema de claveles,

y en el paisaje un trágico horizonte de piedra.

Mis ojos todos llenos de sepulcros de astro,

y mi pasión, tendida, agotada, dispersa.

Mis dedos como niños, viendo perder la nube

y mi razón poblada de sábanas inmensas.

Mis pálidos afectos retornando al silencio-

¡hasta el amor, hermano derretido en mi senda!-

Mi nombre destorciéndose, amarillo en las ramas,

y mis manos, crispándose para darme a las yerbas.

Incorporarme el último, el integral minuto,

y ofrecerme a los campos con limpieza de estrella,

doblar luego la hoja de mi carne sencilla,

y bajar sin sonrisa, ni testigo a la inercia.

Que nadie me profane la muerte con sollozos,

ni me arropen por siempre con inocente tierra;

que en el libre momento me dejen libremente

disponer de la única libertad del planeta.

¡Con qué fiera alegría comenzarán mis huesos

a buscar ventanitas por la carne morena

y yo, dándome, feroz y libremente a la intemperie

y sola rompiéndome cadenas!

¿Quién podrá detenerme con ensueños inútiles

cuando mi alma comience a cumplir su tarea,

haciendo de mis sueños un amasijo fértil

para el frágil gusano que tocará a mi puerta?

Cada vez más pequeña mi pequeñez rendida,

cada instante más grande y más simple la entrega,

mi pecho quizá ruede a iniciar un capullo,

acaso irán mis labios a nutrir azucenas.

¿Cómo habré de llamarme cuando solo me quede recordarme

en la roca de una isla desierta?

Un clavel interpuesto entre el viento y mi sombra,

hijo mío y de la muerte, me llamará poeta.

Julia de Burgos

THE MEASURE OF STRENGTH

2007-03-02T09:44:00.000-06:00

"A woman is like a tea bag. You never know how strong she is until she gets into hot water."-Eleanor Roosevelt.

Strength is a word that only has meaning in dictionaries until we are faced with situations in which we are called to rely on our inner strength to stay afloat. We think we know how strong we are, however, most of us do not fully realize our own resilience until life brings the unexpected or the expected that we fear to even imagine. Usually, individuals assure themselves they would not be able to survive, withstand, or cope with extreme pain and extreme fear, however, many of us have inner strength that is only unleashed on the face of adversity, and is there for us to use, sometimes effortlessly.

Two weeks ago the person I knew all my life as my father passed away. I had been dealing with health issues a couple of weeks before his death, so lets just say it had been a less than pleasurable beginning of 2007 even before this trying time. I had been thinking for a while how would my father pass and how would I be able to deal with his physical absence. Well, I don’t have to wonder anymore. My father’s passing was fast, but I cannot say it was unexpected. Our only certainty as humans is that our physical bodies will cease to exist at some point in our lives, whether we allow ourselves to think about it or not. When our loved ones leave their physical forms we are left with deep pain and sorrow that can be devastating. Many of us, though, are able to rely on a strength that comes from a source that is pure and stronger than we are to make our life ongoing, happier, and one worth celebrating even more, even after an event that causes us so much affliction. I grieve my father’s passing because I will miss his smile, voice, touch, the way he always looked at me and how his sight filled up with light every time he saw me, and the loving words I kept hearing from him for 35 years. He was the man who has loved me the most, and because of him I learned how to love. This is a happy sadness as I remember my time in this earth with him, and I will live the rest of my life celebrating his life.

Now I know the meaning of the word strength.

ABOUT PUERTO RICO AND PUERTO RICANS

2007-02-15T10:30:00.000-06:00

This text was sent to me by two Puerto Ricans (of course) and being Puerto Rican myself I could not help to feel deep pride in all this! Now I share it with the world. I am sure each country has treasures like these, worth bragging about. In case you did not know, here are some things to brag about about Puerto Rico.

Why Puerto Ricans are so cool...

We are a mix of the best of every race.

We can't care less what other people think of us.

We are not only bilingual but we can speak "Spanglish"

Our women are the most beautiful in the world, (5 Miss Universes)

We are LATINOS, and yet AMERICANS

Mofongo (that's all I have to say)

In PR, any road will take you to a beach..... or a pub.

We are the only "territory" of another country with our own Olympic teams.

We do everything under the sun... because we CAN!

Because even though we are a territory we are still a whole NATION.

We don't need to take vacations to be in a tropical paradise.

In PR everything is really close.

I can call you sir ("USTED"), and insult you in the same sentence.

Our Spanish is completely different than any other Spanish speaking country.

We all have cool nicknames.

We have the best athletes in the world.

We make some of the best coffee of the world.

WE CAN DANCE!!!!!!!!!

They come from around the world to hire our engineers and scientists.

We are the country with the most roads by square mile (and there is still traffic).

We have the longest swimming pool in the world (Cerromar)

La "Calle del Cristo" (San Juan P.R.) was the first road of "The New World " to be paved.

86% of the rum drunk in the U.S. is from Puerto Rico.

We have more female engineers than any other country. (and you still call us machistas?)

We know how to party, without absurd curfew laws.

We are the major RUM manufacturer of the world.

The bats for the Movie Batman Forever were filmed in Las Cuevas de Camuy, P.R.

We invented the MayoKetchup!

We kicked the DREAM TEAM's ass.

Puerto Rico has one of the world's highest productivity ratios.

Salsa music was the fastest growing genre in the last 20 years.

Four Puerto Ricans received the Congress Medal of Honor: Eurípides Rubio, Carlos Lozada, Héctor Santiago y Fernando Luis Ledesma García.

Only 4 baseball players have 2 Home Runs in the same Inning; 3 of them are Puerto Ricans (Roberto Clemente, Roberto Alomar and Carlos Baerga)

Tito Trinidad never went to the Olympics but defeated 4 gold medal champions.

A Puerto Rican, Nellie Toledo, designed the 1984 Camaro Berlinetta.

We were the 5th country in THE WORLD to have a radio station. (before Washington D.C.)

Junior Cordero (Puerto Rican) won the Kentucky Derby 3 times.

There is only 7 fluorescent lagoons in the world; we have 4 of them.

Giovanni Hidalgo is considered the best percussionist in THE WORLD.

Jose Feliciano is in the top 3 guitar players in THE WORLD (don't forget he is blind).

The Discovery 500; Solar car designed by the Mayaguez College won 41 awards en Sunrayace , Iowa in 1993.

We established the first lottery system in the New World.

NOT TO BAD FOR A 100 X 35 MILES ISLAND...

Author: Unknown

A MOMENT IN LOVE

2007-01-23T17:27:00.000-06:00

A Moment in Love

Yesterday my son woke up in the morning and I went to get him out of his crib, as usual. I usually ask him a silly question when I enter the room: “where is a little boy?” to what he responds: “here mommy!”. I then approach his crib and laugh as he begins to tell me something about what he is doing at the moment, which is usually playing with the stuffed toy of choice that morning. I proceed to pick him up and hold him, asking him if he had sweet dreams and what did he dream about, to what he usually responds that he had pretty dreams and names the friends he dreamed about. I sometimes get an invitation to get into his crib and have a “picnic”, lay down and talk, or some other pretend play. I usually get into his bed without hesitation and play, looking at him as he imagines a world in which things are pure, simple, magical, and without worries.

Yesterday, after I picked him up from his crib, I told him: “lets sit down and love”, as I usually tell him after I begin holding him in the morning. He accepted, and we sat down in the rocking chair in his room. His room was dark, and I had the song A New Day from Celine Dion playing in the background coming from the computer. The moment could not have been more magical. I held him for several minutes, smelling him, looking at his little head against my chest, caressing his whole body, gently squeezing his flesh, and kissing him in every place I could. In that moment I decided that nothing else was more important than that special time with my child. There was no place I had to be that could rush me to break the magic. The whole world could wait, as that moment, that little moment of tightness, abandonment, and quiet and overwhelming love was ours to enjoy for a brief time, and only our submission to it would make it eternal. I closed my eyes and let my child be a part of me, strong and subtle, as always, as ever, just being. After about five minutes of that stillness I broke the silence and said: “OK, lets go” to what he responded: “no mommy, not yet”. I could not help but to give in and honor his request for more time. I enjoyed his words so much that they resonated in my head long after the moment had passed.

I stayed with him for a little longer, this time with a smile on my face. The music was gone and all there was was silence and the quiet love between us. In that moment I was greater than myself, as the power of the ultimate surrounded me, transpired me, and got stronger in me. In that moment there was nothing else in the world but our love and our presence, as a magnified togetherness, more apparent and factual than when he was in the womb. He laid on my legs, stomach, and chest, much bigger than when he lived inside of me, however, he was more present and real now, but with almost the physical connection we shared when he was still unborn.

As I was holding him, still caressing, squeezing, kissing, smelling him, he broke the silence and the magic with the sweet words: “mommy, I am done!”, he broke the embrace, escaped my arms, and started running to play as I watched and an even greater smile showed on my face. His toddler energy caught up with him and he realized the world had more interesting things stored for him than being on mommy’s lap all morning. I felt grateful that he was the one who broke the moment; I would have hated to do that, and I probably would have kept it for as long as I could.

I am not sure what that moment meant for him, but for me it meant the world. I felt pregnant again, full of love and light, whole and happy, serene and holy. I wish that he would always take that moment with him, which he probably forgot already, and realize the immense love and gratifying moment we spent together, and realize it is never-ending. As for me, that moment will stay in my memory, heart, and soul for as long as I can feel and remember, and I will use it when gray strikes and when the sun is shining. I am thankful for that moment and for being able to feel love so true and deep, without boundaries and time.

Having yourself is a blessing. Having a child is a miracle!

EYACULACION FEMENINA

2007-01-16T17:28:00.000-06:00

Encontré este artículo del libro A New View of a Woman's Body y me pareció sumamente interesante su contenido. En nuestra cultura se nos enseña a mirar el sexo como un tabú, y esto emana de las percepciones de género que se nos imponen durante la socialización y que limitan a la mujer en su fase sexual. Los mensajes que escuchamos durante nuestra crianza, o el libreto, enfatizan cómo debemos ser comedidas, señoritas de la casa, buenas niñas, y además de todo esto significar el callar nuestras emociones, procurar el bien de otros más que el nuestro, cuidar a otros, etc., también significa inhibirnos a la hora de expresarnos sexualmente, o, mejor aún, no validar nuestro ente sexual. Por tal razón, a la mujer se le coarta de su esencia sexual y la expresión de emociones o sentimientos a través del sexo, o a utilizarlo de manera afectiva o recreativa. Recuerdo cuando crecía y, criada por mi abuela, ella intentó instituir en mí el “pudor” y la negación total del reconocimiento del sexo como parte de la vida normal del ser mujer. Esto les ocurre a muchas mujeres de mi cultura, y espero que esta lectura les sea de aprendizaje, reflexión, y un poco de gracia. Como diríamos en Puerto Rico: ¡que venga el chorro!”.

Fluidos Corporales Femeninos

Antes de discutir la eyaculación femenina comentaré algo sobre los fluidos corporales femeninos en general. Nuestra sociedad, así como muchas otras, ve a todas las formas de líquido que produzca el cuerpo de la mujer con gran desdén. A las mujeres no se les permite llevar a cabo la mayoría de las funciones corporales normales; no es visto como femenino. Los fluidos corporales femeninos son vistos incluso dañinos por muchos; hay sociedades en las que se piensa que las mujeres durante la menstruación arruinan los cultivos y hacen morir el ganado. Esto crea una barrera significativa para su placer sexual.

Se espera que las mujeres mantengan una apariencia seca y perfecta, independientemente de sus actividades físicas. Las madres decían a sus hijas que no era atinado involucrarse en deportes porque los muchachos podrían verlas sudando y desarregladas y esto era visto como poco atractivo. Aún hoy, los anuncios de desodorantes y antitranspirantes persiguen la idea de "no dejar que te vean sudar." Se les dice a las mujeres que necesitan desodorantes especialmente fuertes, hechos sólo para ellas. Los avisos de tampones y toallas íntimas enfatizan la capacidad de sus productos para "ocultar" la menstruación de la vista de los demás más que su tarea original que es la de absorber el menstruo. La mayoría de las mujeres preferirían que les arrancaran sus uñas una a una a ser vistas teniendo un "accidente", esto es, menstruando en público. Hay chicas y mujeres que aprenden a disgustarse con la idea de orinar en un baño público, aguantando su orina todo el día hasta que llegan a su casa. ¿Quizá tengan temor de ser vistas menos puras?

Los hombres sudorosos son vistos como sexuales, viriles. Su masculinidad se mide por su capacidad de producir grandes cantidades de semen. Escriben su nombre en la nieve utilizando su orina y miran quién puede eyacular más lejos. Que el hombre ensucie todo con su eyaculación es visto como inevitable, normal, y nunca se cuestiona. Incluso se idolatra en películas para adultos. Los hombres pueden eyacular en la cara, en la boca, encima y adentro del cuerpo de su pareja, y esto es visto como normal. Si la mujer lleva sus fluidos corporales sobre su pareja, ella ha hecho una chanchada. Una interesante doble pauta. Si el hombre puede cubrir a su pareja con sus fluidos corporales, la mujer debe poder hacer lo mismo.

La sexualidad femenina se estropea por estas leyes no escritas. Es difícil relajarse y disfrutar del sexo si usted está preocupada por sudar mucho o por producir demasiada lubricación vaginal. Se ha sabido que las mujeres que producen grandes cantidades de lubricación vaginal, sudor, y que eyaculan evitan el sexo más que exponer a su pareja o a ellas mismas a estos fluidos. Como las mujeres no poseen control sobre la liberación de estos fluidos durante las actividades sexuales, algunas directamente evitan el sexo en vez de arriesgarse a ser vistas como menos femeninas por su pareja. Aunque el deseo de la mujer por el sexo pueda aumentar durante su período menstrual ella puede no tener relaciones durante este tiempo porque teme hacer una chanchada y está indeseable. Las normas sociales referidas a los fluidos corporales de la mujer pueden limitar significativamente la sexualidad y el placer femeninos.

Antes de que una mujer pueda aprender a eyacular, a disfrutar de eyacular, o a disfrutar del sexo en general, debe aceptar como normales sus fluidos corporales. No debe cuestionar la naturaleza o cantidad de su humedad, sea ésta sudor, lubricación vaginal, menstruación, eyaculación u orina. Estos fluidos son una parte normal y natural de las vidas de las mujeres. No hay nada que sea inherentemente malo en ellos. Una mujer no podrá permitirse eyacular y experimentar orgasmos que potencialmente hagan añicos la tierra si ella no puede dejarse ir cuando surge la presión o las ganas de eyacular. Señoras, dense permiso para gozar y disfrutar del sexo.

UNCOVER YOUR TRUE FACE

2007-01-15T14:44:00.000-06:00

Es oficial: El Nuevo año está aquí. Ya la algarabía de los festejos y las celebraciones quedó atrás, y ya la vida ha vuelto a la normalidad. Ya ni parece que estamos comenzando un año, sino que ya se siente como que todo ha caído en la rutina de antes y la novedad pasó. Sin embargo, recordemos que aún quedan 350 días de este año para hacerlos lo que deseemos de ellos…!vamos a aprovechar todos y cada uno!

Me llegó este artículo hoy de una de mis publicaciones preferidas: The Daily OM. He escuchado muchas veces estas aseveraciones: cómo utilizamos nuestra máscara ante los demás para complacer, deleitar, alegrar, no incomodar, acomodarnos y hacer sentir bien a otros. Aunque trato de siempre ser yo y mostrarme fiel y tal cual soy al mundo, también he usado máscaras. Lo importante es saber que debemos procurar quitarnos la máscara y dejar ver lo que somos para el deleite de los demás, pero sobre todo, para nuestro propio deleite y paz interior.

Algo en qué pensar hoy…

DailyOM
January 15, 2007
Uncover Your True FaceUnderneath the Mask
Many of us know the feeling of being stuck in a particular role within our families, as if we are wearing masks whenever we see the people we love. Maybe we are the good daughters, expected to always please others, or perhaps we are the family clowns, expected to be jovial and make everyone laugh. This same scenario can play out within a work situation or a group of friends. We may be so good at our role that we hardly even notice that we are wearing a mask, and yet, deep down, we know that we are not free to simply be who we really are. This can leave us feeling unseen and uneasy. There is nothing inherently wrong with wearing a mask or playing a role. It is a natural part of any social dynamic and it can even be creative and fun. It only becomes a problem when you feel that you have no other choice than to wear that mask, and this is especially challenging if you realize you are never without one. Perhaps you have forgotten who you really are—a vast and unrestricted being of light—and have identified yourself completely with a role. You may be the dutiful, caring son who keeps his parents’ dysfunctional marriage intact. You may be the angelic wife who enables your husband to continue on a destructive path. You may be the cheerful daughter to a deeply depressed mother. Whatever the case, knowing the motivation behind your performance—the function of your mask—can help to uncover your true face. Anytime we find ourselves stuck behind a mask, it is an indication that we are entangled in a dysfunctional dynamic in which our true self cannot be seen. We have been placed in this situation for the purpose of our own healing and, in some cases, the healing of others. From this perspective, life can be seen as a series of situations that call us to remove our masks—gently, and with great compassion for all concerned—to reveal the beauty underneath.

2006-12-31T14:36:00.000-06:00

Don Omar - Dile

One of my favorites. Enjoy!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

2006-12-31T09:01:00.000-06:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

And once again a year is “all gone”. Time flew and today is the last day of this time lapse we call year. Another cycle of 365 days and nights, mornings and afternoons, sunsrises and sundowns is finished today only to start a new one. There is a feeling of anticipation for the new, hope for the future for some, relief for the closing of another year for others, while our sights focus on the upcoming year soon to be among us. Although the new year may seem as a new road for us to walk on, a new place for us to be, we really have plenty of opportunities to renew and start again: we have new days everyday of our lives.

A lot of individuals make new year’s resolutions and I used to be one. I don’t do that anymore. I rather not wait until the new year to promise myself I will do a million things that will probably never get accomplished. I rather live day by day and strive to ride on the road to myself the best way I can. In the new year I want to make each day count, be closer to becoming my best, and be true to my calling. I intend to treat each day of the year as a new day full of possibilities and new beginnings. I want to make each night a new year’s eve and a new day a new and fresh start, a new day available for me to do and to be. I only promise to love more and to show it more, everyday, for myself and those whose lives have merged with mine coincidentally through my walks. I want to spark fireworks in my heart each night as I count my blessings and wake up exhilarated and happy about the beginning of a new day, everyday. I want to dance more, sing more, eat more, kiss more, hug more, laugh more, breathe more, and learn from all things. I want to eat in my “special china” more days out of the year, dress up to celebrate each day, and spread the joy.

Happy New Year!

¡Feliz Año Nuevo!

Nuevamente nos acercamos al final de un año. El tiempo voló y hoy celebramos el final de un lapso de tiempo al cual llamamos año. Culminó otro ciclo de 365 días y nohes, mañanas y tardes, amaneceres y anocheceres, y comenzará uno nuevo. Existe en el aire un sentimiento de anticipación por lo nuevo, para algunos simbolizado por la esperanza y para otros el alivio de que cierra este año. Lo cierto es que tenemos muchas oportunidades para renovarnos y recomenzar todos los días del año.

Muchos inidviduos escriben sus resoluciones de año nuevo; cosas que tal vez nunca realizarán. Yo solía hacer una lista de resoluciones pero vivir cada día tratando de maximizar en esa única oportunidad para llegar a mí misma de la mejor manera posible. Cada día quiero verlo como uno lleno de posibilidades para nuevos comienzos. Quiero ver cada día como uno de renovación y hacer de cada noche una despedida de año. Quiero amar más, a mí misma y a los seres que son parte de mí. Quiero que mi corazón estalle en luminarias cada noche y despertar alegre con cada nuevo día. Quiero bailar más, cantar más, comer más, besar más, abrazar más, reír más, respirar más y aprender más de todas las cosas. Quiero comer en mi vajilla especial más días del año, vestirme de fiesta para celebrar cada día y compartir mi alegría con todos.

¡Feliz Año Nuevo!

MUJER DE FUEGO

2006-12-21T19:55:00.000-06:00

Mujer de Fuego

Calor exuda mi cuerpo
al tenerte frente a mí, solo una mirada
enciende en mi centro pura braza
que quiere consumirme por entero.

Voraz va creciendo abrupto fuego
que quema en mi ser, y tan ardiente
crece, devora, en mí se siente
el ardor que emana desde mis adentros.

Me consume la llama que por ti albergo,
me derrito, y en mi cuerpo de ti ausente
me palpita el ser mujer, mi cuerpo y mente
desaparecen a merced de este amor ciego.

Llamarada que funde el pensamiento
es tu presencia siempre presente en mi existencia
que me quema, me consume sin clemencia
y me obliga a ser tuya sin quererlo.

Quemas mis ojos, mis labios, mi pecho...
De pensarte me abro a ti, y por ti ardo,
por un roce de tus manos, un abrazo
estallo y en cenizas me convierto.

Y luego de convertirme en ceniza, el viento
me lleva otra vez hacia el olvido
a donde vuelvo a encenderme en mi delirio
por la pasión que hace de mí fuego.

Tangie

En una noche de ganas...

DE QUIEN?

2006-12-13T10:56:00.000-06:00

Cómo puedes ser de alguien cuando ni siquiera eres tuyo(a)? Conquístate a ti mismo antes de conquistar a los demás, entrégate a ti mismo antes de entregarte a los demás, sé dueño de ti mismo antes de regalarte a los demás.

NUEVAMENTE

2006-12-09T23:27:00.000-06:00

Una nueva ausencia. Nuevamente me voy, receso, pongo un alto a una vida para transportarme a otra. Llegaré a la otra vida siendo yo y tal vez regresaré siendo la misma con otra añadida. El tiempo forja, la distancia cambia la perspectiva de las cosas. Hasta mi regreso…

NUEVAMENTE

Cedí, dejándome arrastrar por la corriente de su ser perpetuo.
Como la arena que se arrastra sin voluntad, muy mar adentro.
Como roca en el río, durmiente, dejándose arrastrar con desacierto,
buscando el océano, el delta que lo libere del tormento.

En sus ojos vi el tiempo sin tiempo de los años traicioneros que se fueron;
todo el pasado, agolpado en su rostro, anclado en su cuerpo.
Mi razón se perdió, sin explicación, ilógica y dormida, despertada del recuerdo,
durmió mi ira, y se levantó el amor que albergué en alma y cuerpo
para dárselo completo nuevamente, como en antaño,
darle todo en un momento.

Lo vi…y me perdí de mí misma
huyendo de la realidad invisible como el viento;
del amor que albergué y protegí del destierro.
Como flor que se aferra a la vida e intenta crecer en el desierto,
supe de este amor que silente crece, duerme y vive, siempre eterno.

MIRADA DE MUJER

2006-12-06T07:01:00.000-06:00

Through the eyes of a woman you can see the world. Women are so involved in the details of daily lives and in those of a future they dare to dream and envision. Women are always busy loving and caring, thinking about the well-being of others, and hopefully taking care of their well-being as well. Women are amazing creatures, I have already said that many times. We have capabilities beyond our awareness and our souls soar deeper and higher than our minds dare to. When we know the measure of our soul we can translate that into actions that will materialize our deepest self for a better present and future. Let our eyes be a true reflection of who we are and lead us women into the vision we have for ourselves.

SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT...

2006-11-30T13:02:00.001-06:00

When you ask there is a 50/50% chance you will get what you are asking for. When you never dare to ask there is almost a 100% chance you will never get it.

Algo para pensar hoy…

Cuando preguntas existe un 50/50% de probabilidad de que conseguirás lo que persigues. Cuando nunca te atreves a preguntar existe casi un 100% de probabilidd de que nunca lo consigas.

WHEN LIFE GIVES YOU LEMONS

2006-11-29T07:34:00.000-06:00

Cuando la vida te da limones…Ya sabemos cómo va el resto del dicho. Contando mi historia nuevamente en un programa televisivo la audiencia no puede evitar experimentar sentimientos encontrados acerca de la misma: horror, tristeza, lástima, admiración, sorpresa…Mi historia, la que se puede contar en tres minutos y los detalles que falta el tiempo para divulgarlos, me parece fascinante e interesante, pero sé que hay miles de individuos en el mundo que han hecho de situaciones difíciles y desgarradoras fuentes de inspiración y motivación para superarse y evolucionar con entereza, valor, fuerza y sensibilidad. Es normal sentir desacierto y dolor, angustia y tristeza, preocupación y dejadez. Estos sentimientos pocos placenteros, y posiblemente el resultado de vivencias amargas y difíciles, pueden servir para ponernos en contacto con la energía para el cambio que necesitamos. La comodidad nos sienta bien en tanto y en cuanto nos sentimos completos y realizados. Cuando la comodidad o el miedo nos obstaculizan para movernos hacia delante en una nueva dirección que nos permita alcanzar un estado de bienestar y plenitud, éstos se convierten en nuestros enemigos número uno.

Las cadenas emocionales que atan nuestra conducta y perpetúan situaciones negativas en nuestras vidas son fuertes y difíciles de romper, pero muchas veces el cambio llega a raíz de eventos no gratos, cuando nos damos cuenta de que tenemos que pasar por el fuego del cambio para emerger de él en mejores condiciones.

La historia que ya se escribió en mi vida es como una película a la cual miro ahora sentada en mi sofá. Falta mucho de ella por escribir y contar y espero siempre poder aprender de ella, de mi vida como principal maestro de lecciones importantes para evolucionar plena.

…We know how the rest of the say goes. Telling my story once again for a talk show, the audience was sad, heartbroken, and surprised to hear it. I find my story fascinating, the one that I can tell and the details that I cannot share for lack of time to do it, is one of endurance and survival, but as interesting as my story sounds I know there is a lot of people in the world with more shocking and amazing stories to tell; events that have made them re-emerge stronger, wiser, and more sensitive in spite of all the ugliness and painful circumstances. As it is normal to feel angst, uncertainty, and sadness, we have to realize that many times those feelings arise to tell us something: something has to change. Many times comfort and fear work against us in pursuing a better state, to evolve whole. Let unpleasant situations and feelings be the catalyst you need to take action to change.

The piece of my history that has already been written is like a movie that I watch now sitting from a comfy couch. There is still much of it to write and tell, but I hope my life can always be my most valuable teacher.

VIOLENCIA CONTRA LA MUJER

2006-11-27T14:43:00.000-06:00

Visitando el blog de Seoman me enteré que el pasado sábado, 25 de noviembre se celebró el Día Internacional Contra la Violencia de Género. La fecha pasó desapercibida para mí, sin embargo, hoy sabiendo de tal celebración, me cuestiono por qué siquiera tenemos que tener una fecha especial dedicada a recordarle a las personas a no maltratar a las mujeres. Me parece barbárico que aún en el Siglo 21 tengamos que recordarnos a no agredir y victimizar a la mujer, y que aún esta problemática esté lejos de ser resuelta en el mundo.

Las causas de violencia contra la mujer son muchas. El gran problema es cómo se perpetúan estos círculos viciosos de generación en generación, siendo aceptados por ambas partes (agresor y agredida) como norma y estilo de vida esperado y modelado y enseñado a generaciones futuras.

En un artículo pasado leí que las jóvenes Latinas están en gran riesgo de caer en relaciones abusivas durante sus años de escuela, y al preguntárseles por qué aceptan este tipo de relación responden que sus parejas actúan agresivamente por el amor tan grande que les tienen. Muchas mujeres llegan a la adultez con este mismo paradigma y continúan aceptando la violencia como algo aceptable para sus vidas y una validación y prueba contundente del amor de la contraparte para con ellas (¿qué pasó con las flores y las serenatas?). Algunas mujeres definen maltrato como abuso físico severo y no se dan cuenta de que el maltrato tiene muchas formas y caras, a veces sin llegar a la agresión física.

Es triste que una mujer crea que el amor duele, lastima y tortura para ser real y tangible. Es triste que una mujer cuando se da cuenta de que el amor no tiene que doler piense que no tiene alternativas para salirse de una relación en la cual la agresión y la violencia imperan. Mucho más triste es que los agresores se sientan con la potestad y el derecho libre de utilizar la violencia a su antojo en contra de sus parejas. Ninguna mujer debe tener que vivir en una relación de maltrato. Ningún niño debe presenciar cómo su papá llega a la violencia física o verbal contra su mamá. Ningún hombre debe sentirse con el derecho de poder agredir a su pareja.

La violencia de género se detiene con educación y concientización, para que las mujeres entiendan que no tienen que vivir la vida en pareja llenas de temor o aceptar el maltrato, y saber sus opciones y alternativas. El esfuerzo tiene que ser conjunto entre todos los componentes de la sociedad para levantar nuevas generaciones con una visión positiva hacia el respeto mutuo y la sana convivencia. Mensaje: El maltrato no es amor.

Joy

2006-11-26T16:29:00.000-06:00

Luego de la ausencia vuelvo a mí. Nunca me voy, ciertamente, y cuando regreso así parece, que nunca me fui, que siempre he estado aquí. Viendo la vida desde varias perspectivas, las mías y las de otros, me inspiré a escribir esto. Se me antojó escribirlo en inglés porque me sale mejor así. Este escrito habla de la alegría, la que a mí siempre me acompaña, aún en los momentos en los cuales las sonrisas son tenues. La alegría es una decisión, una elección. Que sea tuya y así nadie te la podrá quitar.

"Tengo alegría que el mundo no me ha dado y que el mundo no me puede quitar". Esclavos Negros en el siglo 19.

“I have joy that the world did not give to me, and joy that the world cannot take away”. 19th Century Negro Slaves

Wow!! How powerful this is! Joy is like water that comes out of a fountain, refreshing, welcomed, needed, and much appreciated. To live with joy is to find contentment and cheer in the very little things of life as well as the big things. As Dr. Robin Smith says, joy is a choice we make whether things go right or wrong, whether things go our way or not. A joyful person always irradiates good energy and vibe that attracts others and gives the beholder a positive perspective of life. To be merry is to have the certainty that all that happens in our lives happens for a greater purpose and offers us the opportunity to learn, no matter how harsh the circumstances might be. Joy gives us strength to face difficulties and look at our possibilities with the confidence that at the end our joy will be even greater than before.

I have met a lot of fantastic and amazing people in my life. I have met those people who, no matter the situation how difficult their lives are, they always have a positive approach to life and a smile on their face. There is time for everything in this life, and even when crying, let the tears wash away the blues when it’s time to reveal an even stronger, deeper and more appreciated cheer, just like the rain reveals a bluer sky and sometimes a beautiful rainbow. Let joy always be with you, within you, and show it proudly. It is contagious!

BEING A MOTHER

2006-11-10T09:06:00.000-06:00

As a mother, especially as the other of a son, I can really appreciate this story. I would like for my son to value and treasure our relationship way beyond his childhood. I hope he is never too busy to spend time with me when the walks of his life take him away from me to new worlds and new people. I hope he evolves to remain the loving child he is today in his adult body. Mostly, I hope he is always aware of the immense love I feel for him, one that could never be duplicated, tarnished, or diminished.

The story below was sent to me by my mother-in-law, mother of three boys. Fortunately, she is not the lady from this story, as her three sons value, love, and treasure her deeply for the wonderful mother she is. With luck my son will turn out to be like her sons.

BEING A MOTHER

After 21 years of marriage, My wife wanted me to take another woman out to dinner and a movie. She said, "I love you, but I know this other woman loves you and would love to spend some time with you." The other woman that my wife wanted me to visit was my MOTHER, who has been a widow for 19 years, but the demands of my work and my three children had made it possible to visit her only occasionally.

That night I called to invite her to go out for dinner and a movie. "What's wrong, are you well," she asked? My mother is the type of woman who suspects that a late night call or a surprise invitation is a sign of bad news. "I thought that it would be pleasant to spend some time with you, "I responded. "Just the two of us." She thought about it for a moment, and then said, "I would like that very much."

That Friday after work, as I drove over to pick her up I was a bit nervous. When I arrived at her house, I noticed that she, too, seemed to be nervous about our date. She waited in the door with her coat on. She had curled her hair and was wearing the dress that she had worn to celebrate her last wedding anniversary. She smiled from a face that was as radiant as an angel's. "I told my friends that I was going to go out with my son, and they were impressed," she said, as she got into the car. "They can't wait to hear about our meeting."

We went to a restaurant that, although not elegant, was very nice and cozy. My mother took my arm as if she were the First Lady. After we sat down, I had to read the menu. Her eyes could only read large print. Half way through the entries, I lifted my eyes and saw Mom sitting there staring at me. A nostalgic smile was on her lips. "It was I who used to have to read the menu when you were small, "she said. "Then it's time that you relax and let me return the favor," I responded.

During the dinner, we had an agreeable conversation nothing extraordinary but catching up on recent events of each other's life. We talked so much that we missed the movie.

As we arrived at her house later, she said, "I'll go out with you again, but only if you let me invite you." I agreed. "How was your dinner date?" asked my wife when I got home. "Very nice. Much more so than I could have imagined," I answered.

A few days later, my mother died of a massive heart attack. It happened so suddenly that I didn't have a chance to do anything for her. Some time later, I received an envelope with a copy of a restaurant receipt from the same place mother and I had dined. An attached note said: "I paid this bill in advance. I wasn't sure that I could be there; but nevertheless, I paid for two plates - one for you and the other for your wife. You will never know what that night meant for me. I love you, son."

At that moment, I understood the importance of saying in time: "I LOVE YOU" and to give our loved ones the time that they deserve. Nothing in life is more important than your family. Give them the time they deserve, because these things cannot be put off till "some other time."

Somebody said it takes about six weeks to get back to normal after you've had a baby ... somebody doesn't know that once you're a mother, "normal" is history.

Somebody said you learn how to be a mother by instinct . somebody never took a three-year-old shopping.

Somebody said being a mother is boring .somebody never rode in a car driven by a teenager with a driver's permit.

Somebody said if you're a "good" mother, your child will "turn out good"....somebody thinks a child comes with directions and a guarantee.

Somebody said "good" mothers never raise their voices ....somebody never came out the back door just in time to see her child hit a golf ball through the neighbor's kitchen window.

Somebody said you don't need an education to be a mother ....somebody never helped a fourth grader with his math.

Somebody said you can't love the second child as much as you love the first .... omebody doesn't have two children.

Somebody said a mother can find all the answers to her child-rearing questions in the books.... somebody never had a child stuff beans up his nose or in his ears.

Somebody said the hardest part of being a mother is labor and delivery....somebody never watched her "baby" get on the bus for the first day of kindergarten .. or on a plane headed for military "boot camp."

Somebody said a mother can do her job with her eyes closed and one hand tied behind her back ...somebody never organized seven giggling Brownies to sell cookies.

Somebody said a mother can stop worrying after her child gets married....somebody doesn't know that marriage adds a new son or daughter-in-law to a mother's heartstrings.

Somebody said a mother's job is done when her last child leaves home....somebody never had grandchildren.

Somebody said your mother knows you love her, so you don't need to tell her.... omebody isn't a mother.

Amazing Story

2006-11-08T11:50:00.000-06:00

http://www.break.com/index/truly_amazing_blind_kid.html

Humans are truly masterpieces with talents beyond our own awareness, and the capability to do the unthinkable. The link above portrays a story worth telling, and although it brought tears to my eyes, it filled my heart with immense joy. Let that story inspire you today to excel and be grateful.

Los humanos somos obras de arte con talentos más allá de nuestro conocimiento y la capacidad de hacer lo inimaginable. El enlace que aparece arriba muestra una historia digna de ser contada, y a pesar de que la misma me hizo llorar también llenó mi corazón de inmenso júbilo. Que esta historia te inspire hoy a ser todo lo que quieres ser.

PENIS OBSESSION

2006-11-05T02:48:00.000-06:00

I recently went back home to Puerto Rico, and took my two-year-old son with me. Upon our arrival, everyone was overly excited to see us. We were very happy to see our family and friends as well. As expected, everybody paid extra and special attention to Paul Vincent at all times, turning him into the center of the world in which he was the main and most important star.

As the days went by, I could not help to notice the special attention his genitalia was getting. I realized then something that I have grown up with all my life: the perpetual worship of the male reproductive organ. My son’s genitalia was the object of attention, questions such as: “to how many girlfriends does this belong to?”, “to whom does this belong to?”; and comments such as “this is mine”, and “I am going to get it”. To people from other cultures these comments might sound perverted and outrageous, but to the Puerto Rican culture these are comments that have been passed on from generation to generation, unquestioned, celebrated, and widely accepted.

For some reason, those comments hit me now, although I have heard them all my life, directed toward boys, of course. This time those words got me thinking: what is it so important about male genitalia that deserves to be celebrated on a regular basis? Why is everybody, males and females, obsessed with babies penises and teach them they are the epitome of their lives? Why has no one questioned the penis worship before? (At least, not anyone I know). And lastly, does anybody celebrate female genitalia?

Growing up in Puerto Rico I cannot remember anytime my genitalia was celebrated as a baby or a small girl. Nobody asked to how many boyfriends my genitalia belonged to; nobody said how big or pretty it was, or told me I would break many hearts with it (or get a lot of penises with it for that matter). I am sure someone would be totally disturbed at this article, especially when the questions about my genitalia come about, however, it seems totally permissible, admissible, and even expected to talk about male genitalia in those terms, at least in the Puerto Rican culture. My point is, I finally realized machismo and its perpetuation starts with the adoration and reverence of the male penis (which by the way, the bigger the better according to my culture), by all in society.

Needless to say I had to advice everyone to stay off and clear my child’s genitalia, as it is just that and not a totem, and I do not want my child to think of himself in terms of his penis as it does not define who he is or who he will be. I am not against celebrating any body part, really, but I do not want my son to get the narrow perspective that he is his penis and that his penis controls him and dictates his present and future behavior and place in society.

Ausencia y Regreso

2006-11-03T13:13:00.000-06:00

Estuve ausente. Me fui a recorrer el pasado y anduve en él, con el paso lento que permite mirar las cosas desde otra perspectiva. Ya regresé a mi presente, a mi ayer no terminado, a mi futuro en construcción y aún no forjado. Regresé de mí hacia mí por el cual pasó el tiempo dejando su huella sin saberlo y sin pensarlo. Regresé igual y otra, con muchas otras adentro de mí haciéndose eco en mis palabras recordadas del ayer que se nutre de mi hoy. Volví al ayer y regresé al presente, diferente e igual. Fue reconfortante viajar al pasado y devolverme nuevamente al actual ahora que me llamaba. Desde aquí y desde siempre estoy.

El Tiempo que no Pasa

2006-10-26T08:46:00.000-05:00

Estoy en un lugar en donde el tiempo no pasa...Todo se ha detenido en un simple suspiro de tiempo en el cual el pensamiento pasa lento y se repite a sí mismo como una canción que canta una y otra vez las mismas notas. El viento pasa igual, la lluvia cae igual, el cielo no cambia su azul límpido y la lluvia se derrama fuerte y continua a través de las horas queriendo lavar la tierra que se mueve ante ella pero vuelve a ser la misma. Aquí estoy, siendo la de ayer pero tan diferente; viviendo el hoy en un ayer que no se va.

Lo Que Queda

2006-10-17T17:43:00.000-05:00

Lo que queda

Donde hubo quimeras de fugaces pasiones
quedaron olvidos de muertas ilusiones
palabras rotas que no dicen nada
vacíos inmensos y frías mañanas.

Un espectro a lo lejos convertido en bruma
intocable al tacto del corazón que esfuma
el dolor de la suerte que echada y quebrada
salta al abismo convertido en nada.

Llanto seco corriendo desbocado
lágrimas amargas en los ojos cerrados
que no ven el horizonte con el amor gravado
con desamor grabado en amores robados.

Explicaciones faltan, las palabras no bastan
yo digo, no dices tú lo que dices del alma
callo yo el llanto ahogado de ti escondido
y rota me recojo en el pensamiento que se va contigo.

Cuando te vea en la vida háblame de ayer
y a mi alma perpleja hazle entender…
A ver si me puedes decir qué le pasó al corazón (yo sé del mío).
A ver si me puedes decir, explicar qué sucedió…(si acaso lo sabes tú mismo…).

Tangie
En una noche despechada

Life Lessons

2006-10-17T07:27:00.000-05:00

My friend RM wrote an article about Life Lessons. The writing could not have been more true. Life's situations, the people we encounter on our way, what we see, what we hear, what we feel, every little stimuli we are exposed to encrypts something in ourselves. Those encryptions are either a superficial tattoo that we might not even realize we have it, or they may get fused with who we were before the stimuli and transform us, sometimes in subtle, other times in drastic ways. Life and everything in it is a big school full of little and big lessons. Some people might choose to not learn from all those experiences, and some might choose to seek for the hidden or apparent learning that can be derived from all our experiences. Some lessons are loud and clear, some are disguised or delayed and we just have to keep an open mind and a keen heart to accept the learning when it has to happen. Some lessons are instilled in us deep into our depths, some we pick and choose as souvenirs we wear when the time is right and when it matches what we need. The important thing is to keep an open eye for what RM calls organic learning: the learning that is rather informal, with no agenda, just happens through all the little and big experiences we are faced and immersed in everyday. In that regard I always want to be a lifelong learner. Life and everything in it is my big school, never ending, in which everyone I know, every person I have met, every action, reaction, thought, word, touch, move, sight, everything that has been placed on my path carries a valuable lesson from which I grow and evolve.

Seeing Beyond the Unknown

2006-10-16T22:26:00.000-05:00

As a continuation, fear is then a force…Powerful, but truly just our own creation. What was created since the beginning of all is always good, always true, always conducive to our evolution and well-being. Fear that comes of our own creation is imperfect and leads to imperfection. We all have them. We just have to transform its force to have the drive to seek the ultimate, what comes from our source which can unite us with it and make us whole.

The fear of the unknown is natural for all humans and part of our preservation instinct. The fear of losing what we have is sometimes so powerful that prevents us from even trying to begin to pursue what we want. Sometimes we set ourselves with the bare minimum, in fear that if we attempt to let go of our fear and start moving towards what we want we might not succeed. Therefore, to prevent ourselves from the anticipated dissapointment of failure we do not even begin to try in the first place. I think that when we recognize our fears, acknowledge we have them, understand why we have them, but act in spite of them we learn a great deal about who we are, and we get to know more of who we could be and what we can do. And that discovery always leads to growth, and it is always worth the try.

For me and for all…

The Daily OM
October 16, 2006
Seeing Beyond The Unknown
Fear Of Losing What We Have

One of humanity's biggest fears is losing what we have. It is healthy when fear of loss helps us take steps to protect what we have worked hard to attain, but it is unhealthy to continue to fear something we can do nothing about. We need to remember that focusing our energy on fear can actually create what scares us, and holding tightly to what we have keeps us from participating in the universal flow of abundance and instead creates stagnation. Since we can only really control our thoughts and our responses, gaining proper perspective may be key to conquering such fears. The letters of the word "fear" can be used to stand for "False Evidence Appearing Real." Fears of being separated from something or someone we feel we need for our security or happiness comes from a delusion-a distorted way of understanding ourselves and the world around us. When we understand that possessions are only representations of the energy at work in our lives, we can shift our attention to the right and proper place. We can stop fearing loss of money or success because when we understand how it is created, we can always create more. We can stop fearing loss of possessions when we realize that they are not the source of our joy or well-being but only icing on our cakes. And when we understand the energy of love, we need not hold anyone too close for fear of losing them for we know that love does not diminish when it is given or shared but expands beyond boundaries of time or space. By focusing our light on our fears, they are revealed as mere shadows that disappear in the presence of mind and spirit. We can choose instead to direct our thoughts and creative power toward things of true value-love, abundance, peace, passion, and joy. These are energies that are always available to us when we place ourselves confidently in the universal flow of abundance.

The Force and the Energy

2006-10-16T22:08:00.000-05:00

“Pain is a force; Love is energy,force is temporary, energy is always present.Welcome back "pequeña", leave and forget your regrets where the force was wasted and useless. I wonder where you lost yourself while in the journey of life.”

I found these words profound and touching. They were written to me, meant to be said to me, I guess, but most importantly, they speak to me. I don’t know who wrote this, as the author is anonymous, but I appreciate those words from the depths of my true self.

Lo único que persigo es ser fiel y verdadera a mi corazón. Por alguna razón seguir al corazón (energía) se convierte en fuerza o se interpreta como eso. Sí, la energía me ha dado fuerza, pero sigue latente en mí y espero que siempre pueda traspasar mi piel y dejarse ver a través de mí como reflejo real y lleno de verdad de quien soy. ¿Perdida de mí misma? No creo. Estoy aquí, conmigo, a veces durmiendo, a veces soñando, a veces despierta y pensando, y a veces siendo lo que soy a pesar del mundo y de la lógica y la razón. A veces me ven otros, a veces no, y eso es fuerza. Cuando me veo como soy es energía.

Gracias por la visita. Y como decimos en mi isla, “¡que se repita!”

Leaving

2006-10-16T17:00:00.000-05:00

I am leaving to Puerto Rico again. I will be going to recharge and reconnect with a place that gave me so much and people who care about me deeply, the same way I love them with a love that is pure and never ending. I will be going back to myself, to the original version of who I am, and hopefully will be back with a clearer picture of who I want to become. I am going to Puerto Rico to breathe and fuse with the Caribbean air so full of history and a past that is always present. I will love, be loved, laugh loud and much, eat, think, and just be.

If you have not visited the link to the video The Power of Love, please do. And with that I will leave you until I come back.

The Power of Love

2006-10-13T07:49:00.000-05:00

It may sound like a cliché, but love is truly the most powerful force in the world. Love can inspire us, move us, motivate us, and give us the strength to do the unthinkable. My dear friend Jennifer Laszlo sent me the story below and the video clip. Let love take its course today...

[From Sports Illustrated, By Rick Reilly]
I try to be a good father. Give my kids mulligans. Work nights to pay For their text messaging. Take them to swimsuit shoots. But compared with Dick Hoyt, I suck. Eighty-five times he's pushed his disabled son, Rick, 26.2 miles in Marathons. Eight times he's not only pushed him 26.2 miles in a Wheelchair but also towed him 2.4 miles in a dinghy while swimming and Pedaled him 112 miles in a seat on the handlebars--all in the same day. Dick's also pulled him cross-country skiing, taken him on his back Mountain climbing and once hauled him across the U.S. On a bike. Makes Taking your son bowling look a little lame, right? And what has Rick done for his father? Not much--except save his life.This love story began in Winchester , Mass. , 43 years ago, when Rick Was strangled by the umbilical cord during birth, leaving him Brain-damaged and unable to control his limbs. "He'll be a vegetable the rest of his life;'' Dick says doctors told him And his wife, Judy, when Rick was nine months old. ``Put him in an Institution.''
But the Hoyts weren't buying it. They noticed the way Rick's eyes Followed them around the room. When Rick was 11 they took him to the Engineering department at Tufts University and asked if there was Anything to help the boy communicate. ``No way,'' Dick says he was told. ``There's nothing going on in his brain.'' "Tell him a joke,'' Dick countered. They did. Rick laughed. Turns out a Lot was going on in his brain. Rigged up with a computer that allowed Him to control the cursor by touching a switch with the side of his Head, Rick was finally able to communicate. First words? ``Go Bruins!'' And after a high school classmate was paralyzed in an accident and the School organized a charity run for him, Rick pecked out, ``Dad, I want To do that.'' Yeah, right. How was Dick, a self-described ``porker'' who never ran More than a mile at a time, going to push his son five miles? Still, he Tried. ``Then it was me who was handicapped,'' Dick says. ``I was sore For two weeks.'' That day changed Rick's life. ``Dad,'' he typed, ``when we were running, It felt like I wasn't disabled anymore!'' And that sentence changed Dick's life. He became obsessed with giving Rick that feeling as often as he could. He got into such hard-belly Shape that he and Rick were ready to try the 1979 Boston Marathon. ``No way,'' Dick was told by a race official. The Hoyts weren't quite a Single runner, and they weren't quite a wheelchair competitor. For a few Years Dick and Rick just joined the massive field and ran anyway, then They found a way to get into the race Officially: In 1983 they ran another marathon so fast they made the Qualifying time for Boston the following year. Then somebody said, ``Hey, Dick, why not a triathlon?''

How's a guy who never learned to swim and hadn't ridden a bike since he Was six going to haul his 110-pound kid through a triathlon? Still, Dick Tried. Now they've done 212 triathlons, including four grueling 15-hour Ironmans in Hawaii . It must be a buzzkill to be a 25-year-old stud Getting passed by an old guy towing a grown man in a dinghy, don't you Think?
Hey, Dick, why not see how you'd do on your own? ``No way,'' he says. Dick does it purely for ``the awesome feeling'' he gets seeing Rick with A cantaloupe smile as they run, swim and ride together.

This year, at ages 65 and 43, Dick and Rick finished their 24th Boston Marathon, in 5,083rd place out of more than 20,000 starters. Their best Time? Two hours, 40 minutes in 1992--only 35 minutes off the world Record, which, in case you don't keep track of these things, happens to Be held by a guy who was not pushing another man in a wheelchair at the Time. ``No question about it,'' Rick types. ``My dad is the Father of the Century.'' And Dick got something else out of all this too. Two years ago he had a Mild heart attack during a race. Doctors found that one of his arteries Was 95% clogged. ``If you hadn't been in such great shape,'' One doctor told him, ``you probably would've died 15 years ago.'' So, in a way, Dick and Rick saved each other's life.
Rick, who has his own apartment (he gets home care) and works in Boston, and Dick, retired from the military and living in Holland, Mass. , always find ways to be together. They give speeches around the country and compete in some backbreaking race every weekend, including this Father's Day.

That night, Rick will buy his dad dinner, but the thing he really wants to give him is a gift he can never buy. ``The thing I'd most like,'' Rick types, ``is that my dad sit in the chair and I push him once.''

Click on the following link to watch the video. It will move you, inspire you, and make you realize the power of love: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f4B-r8KJhlE

Llorar de Amor

2006-10-12T09:25:00.000-05:00

He llorado esta mañana. Lloré de una tristeza feliz, o de una felicidad triste. Lloré cuando mi alma encontró la luz que entraba por mis ojos abiertos viendo la realidad del amor, y no pudo evitar desbordarse. Supongo que el amor así, tan profundo y puro, tan fuerte y poderoso hace llorar. Supongo que el alma sí entiende la totalidad y simpleza majestuosa y divina del amor y su poder transformador, energizador, el poder de no tan solo pensar que todo se puede, sino hacer que todo se pueda. Hoy lloré y fue un lindo llanto, con amor corriendo por mis mejillas y uniéndose a mi mirada clavada en el poder de lo que no se ve pero que se siente tan verdadero, real y completo. Hoy me reafirmé que para el amor no hay límites, que el amor no tiene distancia, ni tiempo, ni impedimento, solo aquéllos que le imponemos nosotros en nuestra condición humana porque el amor es mucho más que la capacidad de nuestro cuerpo y que la razón de nuestra mente. Hoy lloré de saber que el amor lo puede todo si lo dejamos actuar y obrar. Para el amor nada es imposible y verlo me hace llorar. Hoy lloraré todo el día con una sonrisa en mi corazón y en mis labios.

2006-10-08T09:45:00.000-05:00

It is natural of humans to pursue growth. Humans have the innate need to make progress in certain areas of life, few or many depending on the person, periodically throughout our existence. For some it is finding their calling and constantly setting new goals to fulfill their passions; for others it is making some kind of financial progress throughout their lives; for many it is seeking continuous spiritual growth and a connection with a higher power. Humans need to feel they are “moving forward”, and stagnation damages the human soul creating a blockage in the flow of energy and instilling a sense of imbalance within. When water cannot run its course and merge with a stronger, wider, deeper, more powerful stream or body it loses its ability to be and becomes dark, murky, and turbid. The same thing happens with our human condition when we stop our flow, our natural progression, and the evolution of all the elements of our lives. When we pay attention to just one or few areas of our lives and feel we are moving upward or forward we feel contentment, but it can be temporary. When we endeavor in accomplishing all areas that make us what we ought to be we can evolve.

It is healthy to strive to accomplish ourselves the best way possible, at the maximum of our capacity, and the feeling of exhilaration that comes with it ignites a light that shines through us and everyone can see. Our energy is strengthened when we sense we are moving in the right direction with complete satisfaction. Hopefully, all humans will pursue to evolve whole. Paying too much attention to just one area of our lives and just focusing on the growth of that area (financial, social, spiritual, etc.), can also create an imbalance as the other areas that are also important for our fruition remain incomplete or neglected. Humans should seek to create and maintain a harmonious relationship between the physical world and ourselves, and grow all aspects that compose our humanity to the best of our ability, knowing that to evolve means to never stop growing whole.

Yo Misma Fui Mi Ruta

2006-10-01T08:59:00.000-05:00

La vida es un viaje con nosotros en él. Podemos elegir ser el conductor de nuestro propio viaje o sentarnos atrás, ser pasajeros y dejar que otros nos conduzcan. Cuando conducimos nosotros, forjamos nuestro propio destino. Cuando otros conducen solo podemos preguntarnos a dónde nos llevará nuestro viaje...Eres conductor o eres pasajero?

Yo misma fui mi ruta

Yo quise ser como los hombres quisieronque yo fuese:

un intento de vida;

un juego al escondite con mi ser.

Pero yo estaba hecha de presentes,

y mis pies, planos sobre la tierra promisora

no resistían caminar hacia atrás,

y seguían adelante, adelante,

burlando las cenizas para alcanzar el beso

de los senderos nuevos.

A cada paso adelantado en mi ruta hacia el frente

rasgaba mis espaldas el aleteo desesperado de los troncos viejos.

Pero la rama estaba desprendida para siempre,

y a cada nuevo azote

la mirada mía se separaba más y más y más de los lejanos horizontes aprendidos:

y mi rostro iba tomando la espresión que le venía de adentro,

la expresión definida que asomaba un sentimiento de liberación íntima;

un sentimiento que surgía del equilibrio sostenido entre mi vida

y la verdad del beso de los senderos nuevos.

Ya definido mi rumbo en el presente,

me sentí brote de todos los suelos de la tierra,

de los suelos sin historia, de los suelos sin porvenir,

del suelo siempre suelo sin orillas de todos los hombres y de todas las épocas.

Y fui toda en mí como fue en mí la vida…

Yo quiese ser como los hombres quisieron que yo fuese:

un intento de vida; un juego al escondite con mi ser.

Pero yo estaba hecha de presentes;

cuando ya los heraldos me anunciabanen el regio desfile de los troncos viejos,

se me torció el deseo de seguir a los hombres,

y el homenaje se quedó esperándome.

Julia de Burgos

UNA PREGUNTA

2006-09-23T10:46:00.000-05:00

El encontrar la Rima XLI de Bécquer me ha puesto a pensar en José Gautier Benítez. Cómo separarlos, si en el universo literario y en total desconocimiento uno del otro, ambos encontraron musa igual para sus dolencias de amor? Sufrir por amor y amar fue sinónimo para estos dos grandes poetas, haciendo del dolor hermosas obras de arte a través de la poesía. De mi poeta preferido, José Gautier, Una Pregunta:

UNA PREGUNTA

Sol espléndido y radiante
en la ancha esfera sujeto;
no te pregunto el secreto
de tu esplendor rutilante.

Ni por qué, nube distante
tiñes de ópalo y rubí;
pero perdóname si
te pregunto en mi querella,
¿si estará pensando en mí
como estoy pensando en ella?

Luna, brillante topacio
que, entre nebuloso tul,
cruzas la techumbre azul
de las alas del espacio.

Si se fijaron despacio
sus bellos ojos en ti,
y si la miraste, di
si estaba doliente y bella,
si estaba pensando en mí
como estoy pensando en ella.

Mar inmenso que te agitas
sobre tu lecho de arena,
y que ora en bonanza plena
tus olas no precipitas;

tú que bañas las benditas
riberas donde viví,
los sitios donde la vi
tan pura, tan dulce y bella,
responde, si piensa en mí,
como estoy pensando en ella.

Brisa, que acaso pasando
jugaste con sus cabellos,
tú que besaste su cuello
su mejilla acariciando,

Y que luego murmurando
te fuiste lejos de allí,
si eres la misma que aquí
pasas sin marcar tu huella,
responde, si piensa en mí,
como estoy pensando en ella.

Noche apacible y serena
por más que te cause enojos,
que sean más bellos sus ojos
y más negra su melena,

Presta un consuelo a mi pena
ya que sufriendo viví,
y pues no llega hasta aquí
el resplandor de esa estrella,
responde, si piensa en mí,
como estoy pensando en ella.

Nubes que en blanco celaje
bordáis el manto del cielo,
cual aves que alzan el vuelo
sobre el inmenso paisaje,

decidme si en vuestro viaje
lejos, muy lejos de aquí,
llegasteis a verla, y si
respondéis a mi querella,
si estaba pensando en mí,
como estoy pensando en ella.

Sol y luna, mar y viento,
nubes y noche, ayudadme,
y en vuestro idioma contadme
si es mío su pensamiento;

si es igual su sentimiento
a este que mi pecho hiere,
decid si mi amor prefiere
a la calma que perdió;
¡decidme, en fin, si me quiere
lo mismo que la amo yo!

José Gautier Benítez, 1868

Rima XLI

2006-09-21T19:24:00.000-05:00

De uno de mis favoritos, Gustavo Adolfo Bécquer:

Tú eras el huracán,

y yo la altatorre que desafía su poder.

(¡Tenías que estrellarte o que abatirme...!)

¡No pudo ser!

Tú eras el océano;

y yo la enhiesta roca que firme aguarda su vaivén.

(¡Tenías que romperte o que arrancarme...!)

¡No pudo ser!

Hermosa tú, yo altivo;

acostumbrados uno a arrollar, el otro a no ceder;

la senda estrecha, inevitable el choque...

¡No pudo ser!

Lies at the Altar

2006-09-16T16:42:00.000-05:00

Marriage should be a venture in which both parties engage in a journey of life discovery by mutually loving, respecting, supporting, understanding, and growing each other in equality, harmony, and balance. Marriage should not be a burden imposed by one and carried by the other like a cross to the calvary. In a relationship of any kind, the parties involved should feel they are growing, evolving, and moving forward whole and fair. The moment we deny ourselves for the sake of the marriage, the marriage is only two persons living under the same roof. The moment we feel we are shrinking, diminishing, vanishing, evaporating for the sake of the marriage, the price is too high.

Marriage should not be based on social expectations, it should not be a prison, it should not be a chain to our hearts and souls. Marriage should be about having the freedom to be, to express love and be loved fully, deeply, and respectfully. Our dignity comes first. When we love ourselves sanely, we are better partners and expect and demand the same.

Something to reflect about...

“Being with this man almost killed me-almost crushed my bright and resilient spirit and tampered with my sturdy and robust mind. He wanted to rob me of my very essence, and for a long time I let him. Where was I in my life that I could have devoted so much time, energy, and effort to a man who neither honored nor valued me? Why did I stay in a relationship with a man who could hurt me so deeply, who could make me feel ashamed of wanting a normal life? How could I think it was okay to be with someone who told me I was not much of a woman and criticized me relentlessly? How could I think it was okay to be with someone who taunted me and prodded at the open wounds of my insecurities? I gave away my power, thinking it would soothe him, and it did temporarily. But each day required that less and less of me exist. I tried to be better, tried to be happier. I made meals out of crumbs and smiled as I ate the crumbs in order to appear full and satisfied. I tried to be more understanding and accepting. I was looking for a way to make something work that made no sense. I realize now that, with all my effort and devotion, he never really saw me, much less loved me. When he grew up tired of the way my desire for connection collided with his desire for oblivion, he simply erased me…” Dr. Robin L. Smith (2006). Lies at the Altar: The Truth About Happy Marriages. New York: Hyperion.

Re-Writing the Script

2006-09-12T22:05:00.000-05:00

Our life circumstances are due a lot to our own input. We could not choose where we were born, who our parents and siblings were or are, where we lived when we were growing up, what school we went to or our teachers and classmates; for a long time we could not choose what clothes we wore, how we wore our hair, and mostly we had not control over the parenting styles of our parents. Our parents went through socialization experiences that shaped their beliefs, value system, personalities, and the way they expressed their feelings, emotions, and thoughts while we were growing up and even now; most likely kept a lot of what was instilled in them during their upbringing and passed it on to us during our socialization. Now, at some point in our lives we realized what works and what does not work from the way we were socialized because it is not applicable to our time, to who we are, or to who we want to become. However, some people live by the old script, following it like a bible, reading it aloud everyday to themselves and to others around them, playing by it like a sad drama, even when they understand there were some “flaws” in that old script that are worth addressing and changing. Individuals have the need to apply responsibility to someone, sometimes anyone, for their bad experiences, “failures” of the past, and rough times life brings, and many place blame on the way they were socialized. “That is the way I was raised” is a commonly used phrase to depict how our actions and present circumstances reflect the paradigms imposed to us in our upbringing, even when we are aware that those paradigms are not applicable anymore or simply do not suit us well.

It is sometimes difficult to break free from the old script and re-write one for ourselves. There is a sentiment of betrayal to what was instilled in us, a sense of abandonment of the value system that was taught and modeled to us while we were growing up if we even attempt to break lose, as though we were denying our upbringing and unveiling to our parents that they had failed in their pursue to make us into extensions of themselves. There are a lot of problems with living by the old script when we are fully aware it is completely obsolete and not pertinent anymore: it diminishes who we are, we deny ourselves a true opportunity to grow into the kind of individual that we can potentially become, and it models the same mistaken behaviors to future generations setting them up for failure just the way we were trapped in the first place. Trying to conform to old scripts to please everyone else but ourselves prevents us from evolving whole, from moving forward, and from letting ourselves and the people who matter to us enjoy the best, well-rounded, centered, happiest person that we can be and share with others. It is also more comfortable to place blame on our past and the way things were modeled and done with us, than to stand up and claim our lives back. Re-writing the script takes a lot of courage. Keeping the old script is comfortable, even when it’s painful to live by it.

It seems like our socialization can sometimes be an indelible jail in which we incarcerate and punish ourselves for life. Breaking free from the chains of the old when it no longer suits us or prevents us from evolving seems like a task of great proportions and almost impossible at times. Before we continue with destructive patterns and behaviors that perpetuate themselves from generation to generation, we need to look deep into our souls and realize that we have ownership over our lives now, that our socialization is no longer an excuse for us not to be happy, and that the rest of our lives is our responsibility to forge into whatever we want. We are the bosses of ourselves. We are the conductors of our own destiny, and as such we have to break free from the things that hold us back from realizing our maximum potential. We cannot keep placing the blame on our parents, teachers, school mates, our upbringing, the era in which we were raised, etc, for our own misfortunes. Once we become conscious of the things of our past that are holding us back we can claim ownership of our lives and move on to a happier place, one dictated by us based on our own needs, our own goals, and our own life. Mom and dad are not our bosses anymore, our husbands are not our bosses, our children are not our bosses, we are our own boss, our own person, our own lord. It is time to stop looking back and stop blaming our past for our present and start constructing the present that we want in our future. It is time to stand up and deliver for our own selves, as we cannot give when we are empty, we cannot grow on a tight and dark space, and we cannot live by old rules to which we are attached like a puppet. We need to know and believe that we carry the power to re-write the script of our lives the best way possible, the best way it suits ourselves. The only person who can stop us from re-writing our own script is us. The only person who should re-write our script is us.

DIFFICULT TIMES

2006-08-31T16:54:00.000-05:00

As always, the The Daily Om provides good perspectives that are so opportune and wise.

In case you need it...

Working ThroughHard Days
The Daily Om
We all have days that seem endlessly difficult and hard. On these days, it is as if the odds are stacked against us and we just can't get a break as one challenging situation follows another. We may feel like we're standing in the ocean getting hit by wave after wave, never able to get a full breath. Sometimes it's necessary or worth it to stay in the fray and work our way through. Other times, the best idea is to go home and take the breath we need in order to carry on. If the only choice is to get through it, a hard day can be a great teacher. It will eventually end and we can look back on it, taking pride in the stamina, courage, and ingenuity it took to hold our ground. We may also look back and see how we could have done things differently. This knowledge will be valuable when we face hard days in the future. Trust your gut as you're deciding whether to work through it, and know that sometimes a timely retreat is the best way to ensure a positive outcome. Getting space can remind us that external circumstances are not the whole picture. Once we catch our breath and re-center ourselves, we will be able to determine our next move. With a little perspective, we may even find the inner resources to change our attitude about what's happening. We may begin to see that what we saw as hardships are actually opportunities. As our attitude changes for the better, our actions and the circumstances will follow suit. Sometimes all that's needed is a good night's sleep. No one is immune to having a hard day and these are usually the times we can learn the most. If we can find it in our hearts to examine the day, and maybe make one small change in perception, we can ease our pain and greet the next day that much wiser.